My boyfriend won’t have sex with me. We started dating back in July, and he still won’t let me top him. I knew he was celibate when we first started talking, but he said he was waiting until he got back into a relationship. I asked if he wanted to be official or whatever last week, and he still says he’s not ready for sex. Like what is a man to do? I have needs. We’ve talked about this, and my boyfriend said he still isn’t ready. I feel like he’s holding out for the hell of it. Advice needed.
-I Wants It
I’m trying to see if I should make it work with this guy or not. Keeping it one hundred, the only thing we really have is great sex and great food. He’s made me cry a few times while in bed because it was that good, and that has NEVER happened in my whole life. Oh and because he is a chef but not working like he used to, he sometimes cooks for me when I go over to his crib, and it’s good. I sometimes want to cry because of the food too. As a 31 year old, I know I can’t build a relationship off of good sex and food, but I’ve been in a relationship with a man that was okay in bed and didn’t even boil me water, but we had a lot in common to talk about. That relationship didn’t make it. So why not try to build a relationship with the chef? I think I know what you’ll say, but thought I’d ask anyway.
-My Chef Be Cooking
I need some advice. I’m in a fairly new relationship with this guy who I honestly do love, a lot. But I’m nervous about our sex life going forward. See I’m a top that doesn’t mind playing the other role in a committed relationship. The problem is, not only does my boyfriend not really enjoy the experience of bottoming, I don’t think he can satisfy me as a top.
It’s hard for me to be thrilled about actual sex knowing he doesn’t like bottoming, and it’s visible when we’re in the act. Our sex life isn’t a huge problem now, but I’m nervous it will be.
Wanting to Be Pleased
I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years, we have a great relationship and 2 kids now. He’s an amazing guy and takes care of us his family but when it comes to our sex life, it’s just not what it used to be. He used to last long the first year of us being together, now only lasts about 2 seconds. I get so frustrated because we both know he used to be a hoe, now I know everyone has a past but he’s told me stories of 3somes and whatnot, and I can’t help but feel like he gave his best dick days away already and I’m getting hardly anything. I’ve always voiced my concerns, never keep anything in ,but nothing has changed. I’m at the point already where I’d rather use my vibrator to pleasure myself and recently have thought about finding someone else on the side. I know that’s so bad, I just don’t know what to do anymore.
-Not Getting What I Deserve
When I was a Freshman in College I ended up casually dating one guy I met through my sister back when we were maybe in 6 or 7th grade. Any who we have some history. Flash forward a couple of years I ended up meeting up with him in 2012-13.
We talked some, took me to the movies before he had a car or anything. Then we ended up sleeping together, I didn’t know that I was his first (until years later did I find out) .Well he was going to go off into the Marines and start a career there. I had just began my BA. A serious relationship during that time, wasn’t great. The timing was off.
So years later he comes back a Vet and I a Masters Student furthering my Edu. We have always kept contact and now he is my Personal Trainer. I have heard his stories of him sleeping with other women and I don’t mind a single man will be a single man, same as a woman (enjoy que no?!).
I feel that he is trying to seduce me. We text late at night and is always wants to know how I am doing. We even talked about sex between us and it usually never get serious other than just messaging another about the occasional “is we had sex how what are my rules and such”. We both know we can’t have any serious relationship since we are both focused on our own path, would it be awkward if I have sex with him and keep him as my trainer?
I am stumped and can’t seem to decide what I am doing here. I tend to just go with the texts since its nice to get a break from working and things could be spicer in the sheets. But again, I haven’t slept with another man in 5 years so there’s that (came out of a long relationship 6 months ago ).
Just started training with him 2 months ago and I feel that sex is over the horizon!
To sleep with him or to not sleep with him and keep the PT relationship, that is the questions ?
Thanks for listening!
My partner and I first began our now 3 year relationship via long distance. I moved down to Atlanta from Houston to be with him full time after 1 year but we were sleeping with other people while still out of state. I’ve been here for the last 2 years and after the honeymoon phase has worn out I discovered my mood has sunken into depression and anxiety due to being away from my family and friends back in my hometown.
This is my first long term live-in relationship and first foray into living away from home altogether. I noticed that I had stepped out here and there with each trip out of town due to my feelings of unhappiness. We were now considering moving back to Houston but I recently slipped up with an ex a few months ago on a trip back to Houston that my hometown partner found out about via hacking my phone.
I’m confused if I am truly depressed about my current relationship being monogamous and feelings of being stifled domestically. Or unhappy with being away from my hometown. We recently started couple counseling and each started therapy for clarity in our emotions. Should I try to make this work or leave while the going is good?
-Needy Neurotic or Nympho
I can’t deal with my new boyfriend’s insecurities. We officially got into a relationship about a month ago, and ever since then something flipped with him. At first it started with him jokingly talking about guys commenting on my posts or tweets, and me liking the comments. He would hit me with one of those “oh you getting all the hoes still” and laugh, so I would shrug my shoulders and laugh it off. Then he progressively would mention the commenting without laughing, and legit arguments would pop off. To help ease the tension I became a little more careful about the kind of things I would post or tweet, but still tried to be me.
It’s not just that social media thing anymore though. He gets jealous if we’re out and I stop to talk to any guy. Whether they are a friend, work colleague, or whatever, he wants to get all up under me all of a sudden and practically demands an introduction. Then there’s the fact that he hates when I go out with my friends without him. The part that really has me ready to throw the whole relationship away is we got into an argument a few days ago about why I won’t give him passwords to my IG and twitter accounts, and to unlock my phone. I stood my ground and told him no, and he kind of dropped it, but the whole convo just left me feeling salty.
To be clear, outside of the insecurity issues, I love my boyfriend. He really is a great guy, and I know he’s acting like this because his two boyfriends before me cheated on him apparently. But I can’t do much more of this. What should I do?
I really appreciate your site and the advice you give. The community needs your advice, and I need your advice right now. My issue has to deal with chasing. I’m single and honestly I’m tired of chasing guys. It’s the same thing too. I meet a guy on a dating app or social media, show him some interest, he appears to return the interest, and then I spend like a month chasing him for me not to end up in a relationship. The shit is getting old.
Do you know how frustrating it is to think you’re talking to a guy trying to build something only for nothing to happen? I mean some of the guys I chase, I don’t even get to the point where we go on a dates. And while being single has its advantages, I’m trying to get boo’d the hell up. I know you have to pursue what you want in life, but I want to be pursued. I want people to call me, or hit me with a good morning and good night text. What advice do you have for me so I can date different in 2019?
Tryna Glow Up
First off, Happy New Year to you. Man I hope it’s a good one. The question I have for you is about this guy I’ve been talking to that I met on Twitter. About two days before Christmas we finally went on our first date. The date was great and ended us having great sex, or at least I thought. We went out again recently, and he tells me that he doesn’t want to have sex anymore until we get to know each other better. I was thrown so when I asked him if there was a problem, he said he just didn’t want us to start something that was just about sex. I get that, but we’ve already had sex. I don’t see the problem. It’s not like I don’t want to build something with him too. I just feel some type of way I guess. It’s not like I’m going to beg him for sex, but I do want to have it and have no idea when he’ll be ready again. I’ve never had complaints about my performance, EVER, but now I’m thinking he didn’t like it or something. Feel a little paranoid about that. What are your thoughts?
I just want to drop a little advice that I hope helps somebody in the pursuit of love. While this advice may not be that revolutionary in context, it’s still important nonetheless. Let it serve as a reminder to those who are single and searching. So without further delay, the advice I have for you all today is this. Someone’s past is someone’s past, and you shouldn’t let that prevent you from finding “Bae”.