friendship, relationships

My Best Friend Won’t Stop Judging Me Because I’m in a Throuple

Dear T,

I’m tired of my judgmental ass friend.  I mean I love how he’s protective of me, and has always been a ride or die, but for the past few months he has been making slick comments about my personal life. So about three months ago, my boyfriend and I decided to become a throuple with a great guy we both liked. The arrangement we have is really good, and I’m happy. You’d think my happiness is what my best friend would care about, but it’s not.

When I first told him about my situation, he told me it was a terrible idea. He said he couldn’t do it, and that it’s going to end badly with me single. I tried to explain to him that me and my boyfriends are good, but he believes this won’t work. I told him that I didn’t want to hear any more of that negative sh$t, and for a short while that worked. But then when I’d bring both boyfriends around him, he would be real shady to them. And when it’s just he and I, he asks messy questions like “who you like better?”, “who would you marry since you want a husband and legally can only have one?” Stuff like that.

I love my friend but what do I do about his judgment? It’s getting to the point where I thought about slapping his a$$.

-Keep Your Judgement

Dating, friendship

I Hooked Up with Him First, Should I Tell My Friend?

T,

I’m in a bad situation with one of my close friends. My friend is the type to keep his personal life in terms of dating a secret until he’s serious with a person. I respect that for him, and even admire him. The only thing is, he just told me about the guy he’s serious about and showed me his Instagram, and he’s definitely someone I hooked up with back in the day.

I didn’t know what to do when he was telling me about this boy, so I didn’t tell him anything. My friend really doesn’t get serious with people often, so I didn’t want to be the one that ruins sh*t. But I’ve been thinking I should say something in case the guy tells my friend, and then my friend looks at me crazy. I don’t like this guy at all by the way. I’m not sure what to do because I feel like I’m in a lose/lose situation. Suggestions welcomed.

-I Was Technically First

relationships

He Cheated with His Best Friend But Hasn’t Ended the Friendship

Hi Tavion,

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly a decade and last year I found out that he cheated on me with his “best” female friend. Needless to say, I was devastated, especially because I had become cool with her over the course of our relationship. Double betrayal much? I decided to give the relationship one last shot, but he needed to completely cut that friend off.

Now, 6 months later he is still talking to the friend even though it’s cordial, and I have an issue with that. The friend has apologized to me woman to woman, but I still just don’t want them to be friends. We have several mutual friends who of course don’t know what happened. I am not sure if it is me being insecure, still hurt over the situation, or just a b*tch, but I can’t understand why he can’t just cut her off. Do you think since I forgave my boyfriend and am working past the situation with him that I should do the same for her?

Rose

Dating

He’s Flirting with Me on Social Media, But Does He Like Me?

Hi Tavion,

How do you know if someone really is feeling you or not? I’ve been flirting with this guy on Twitter for about 2 months now, and that flirting hasn’t gone anywhere. I mean we haven’t exchanged numbers and haven’t gone on a date. Nothing. But he’s always liking my posts, and he always responding to my DMs. I want to ask him what’s up, but I don’t want to put myself out there like that. So knowing that, how do I figure out if he likes me?

-Twitter Fingers

friendship

We Were into the Same Guy and that Ruined Our Friendship

 Hi T,

I’m a long time fan and I need some advice. A relationship with a friend of mine that I love so much is damned near dead. I call this man my brother. Two years ago we used to live together and there was this guy that he was “dealing” with. Unbeknown to me I was messaging my friend’s “guy” on a dating app. I didn’t know him, he didn’t know me. This guy, nor myself, had no picture shown; I had only seen a d!<% pic of him in private messages, and my location was blurred at that time on the app so I never knew when he would be in the house.

On top of that my friend and I would make sure we never saw who the other was dealing with in the house by making sure we stayed in our rooms when company was entering and leaving the home. I did not know until the “guy” asked me did I live on a certain street on the app. Initially I thought to myself “who is this n!&&@ tryna play me”. But then I thought about it and thought that this may be my friend’s “guy”. Absentmindedly, I messaged the “guy” saying that I do live where he asked and that I thought he may have just chilled with my roommate. As soon as I sent the message I blocked him in an attempt for the “guy” to not get that message. I felt that if I was going to ask that question it should be to my friend and not to a person he may or may not have been dealing with.

I then went to my roommate/friend and asked him if the guy I had been talking to was the man he was dealing with. He said yes. My former roommate and I then came up with a game plan for us not to run into the same men online and we moved forward, or so I thought. About a week later my friend texts me and states that he got a different story about how everything happened and that him and I “had problems now”. I was confused. I later found out that the message I had attempted to block from being sent did in fact go through and that the “guy” responded. My friend/roommate was livid with me. I tried explaining what happened but he never believed me. The situation was so bad that I ended up moving out earlier than anticipated because of the tension in the house.

Well…eventually we got through it. We started hanging out again but my friend now has a boundary and perception of me that I believe is unfair. He will not allow me to be in the company of any of his friends or family members because he believes that I have the capability of sleeping with his love interests or causing unnecessary drama within his circle. He has stated that there were certain points in this “guy’s” and mine interaction that should have been cut off sooner being his friend. I think it’s f#< up because I never have or would sleep with a friend’s love interest. I also think this isn’t right because I was speaking to a nameless, faceless profile. Again, I never knew who this person was until they approached me about my location. I feel like I’m being judged off of a situation that anybody gay living with another gay person could have slipped into due to technology and not having boundaries around it.

My question is this: how do I continue a friendship with someone having these perceptions of me? Should I just go? I really don’t want to leave this friend behind but it’s difficult knowing that someone you call a friend, a brother, believes that you are a slut who is capable of betrayal. Please help.

– The Friend He Thinks Is a Slut

relationships

My Ex Wants to Have Another Kid with Me, My Boyfriend Is Pissed

Hello Tavion,

Imma keep this as short as possible. I’m bisexual and when I was 23 I had my daughter with my best friend. I mean at the time we were dating, but since we broke up we’ve stayed real cool. Now I’m almost 30 and I have a boyfriend who I love. We been together for about 2 years. He gets along well with my daughter, and he was getting along with her mom until she asked me to have another kid with her.

She wants another baby, and because things worked well with us, she wants me to be the dad. I’ll admit, I’ve thought about having another kid before, but not under these circumstances. Again, I love my boyfriend, and he’s really not with the idea of me having another child with my friend. Like at all. In fact, we got into an argument about it. And things are real weird between my daughter’s mom and my boyfriend, especially because she keeps pressing the issue. Long story short, I kind of want the kid, but not enough to compromise my relationship. What’s your advice? Who should I choose?

-GirlDad Maybe Twice

relationships

Living with My Boyfriend is Driving Me Crazy… What Do I Do?

T,

I moved in with my boyfriend two months ago and it’s been a shit show. I love this man, I really do, but living with him is just uncomfortable. I wake up in the morning to toothpaste on the mirror from him brushing his teeth. He does this whole thing where he likes to soak dishes instead of scrubbing the damn pan. Sometimes when he shits in the master bathroom, he leaves the door open, so the smell gets into the bedroom.

And before you say it, I’m aware I can just talk to him about this stuff, but I don’t want to be the nagging boyfriend. I feel like I’m telling him not to do something daily. I thought about moving out, but if I do that, I think he will want to break up. What should I do to save my sanity and my relationship?

-Living in Nene’s Ghetto

relationships

It’s Been Five Months and I’m Still Upset My Boyfriend Cheated

T,

My boyfriend and I have been best friends since we were 17. We basically grew up together. We didn’t start dating till I was 23 and he was 24. We had the best summer being together right away. Our relationship just made sense. We were so comfortable right away. I’m guessing because we have been friends for so long. We were in love and I knew he was it, like he was the one and he felt the same.

Now the last few years he had problems with pills and decided he wanted to go away and be fully sober, no drinking or anything, which I was all for and wanted to support. We decided to stay together because again he’s my best friend and I wanted to be there for him. Fast forward to now, he’s a year sober and we have some difficulties doing long-distance and for a few months, he was very distant with me. I was heartbroken. I went ahead and visited him, and we spent 2 weeks together and everything went back to normal. We are on very good terms and suppose to be moving in together in a few months.

Last week I busted him and found out he cheated on me with someone for 3 months (the time we were having problems). He told me everything, he was very apologetic and is begging for another chance. I do wanna say he stopped seeing her on his own before I even found out. I asked why, he said he just felt alone, she was just filling up space and she was just there. I don’t know if I should give him another chance.

I love him and we gave a lot of work in this relationship and I know he loves me. Also, he always says I’m the girl he wants to marry we had such big dreams and plans but now I feel very betrayed. I know he went through a lot in a year especially being away from his family and me as well while getting sober so I can see why something like this could happen, but I don’t know how to feel or if should give it another chance. I know he is sorry and for the last 5 months he is always FaceTiming, texting, and watching movies with me on FaceTime so he has been very different before I even found out about it. I’m just scared and not sure what to do or feel.

-Angie

relationships

My Boyfriend Won’t Have Sex with Me and I Want to Bad

Man Tavion,

My boyfriend won’t have sex with me. We started dating back in July, and he still won’t let me top him. I knew he was celibate when we first started talking, but he said he was waiting until he got back into a relationship. I asked if he wanted to be official or whatever last week, and he still says he’s not ready for sex. Like what is a man to do? I have needs. We’ve talked about this, and my boyfriend said he still isn’t ready.  I feel like he’s holding out for the hell of it. Advice needed.

-I Wants It

Dating

You May Like Him but Office Romances Are Usually a Bad Idea

Hi,

I’ve been speaking and emailing with a guy from our IT department. He’s awesome and thoughtful. Does not have a social media presence, go to the gym, have a sense of humor, likes the count on Sesame Street, works very hard and is very helpful to everyone. If things were not so complicated in my life right now I would definitely see where this could lead.

I must confess that I have been flirting with him and selfishly gave the impression that I am interested. He has now asked to meet over a “beverage” but has thoughtfully said that he’s happy to make a site visit at my work so that I can see if he’s someone I would like to have a “beverage” with (we have never met each other). I like him but I don’t want to hurt him. I would be keen to know what you think of him from what little information I have provided and any advice on what I should do.

-Xx Conflicted