I’m writing you because I’m not exactly sure what I should do in this situation. My boyfriend of 8 months cheated on me. Or at least I think it’s cheating. He came out to his brothers about a year ago, and I guess they were cool about it. Well last weekend, apparently they took him out to a straight club and introduced him to some girl. They were under the impression that they could make him like women. And all my boyfriend can tell me is that after a lot drinks, his brothers dropped him and this girl off back at his place and they had sex. He says he doesn’t remember all they did, but just knows he had sex with her. He claims he told me because he wants to be honest with me. The kicker of this whole situation is that he apologized, but said it’s not really cheating because he’s still gay and that woman was a fluke. Like he’s strictly dickly. I’m just not sure how to process this. What do I do in this situation?
I recently made the mistake of catching feelings for this guy I hooked up with. About four weeks ago, I started messaging this guy on Jack’d and we met up with the intention to hookup only. Let me tell you, after round one I was extremely satisfied. When round two finished, I was in awe. Needless to say, he was definitely feeling the sex too. Well since that first night, we have been staying in contact pretty regularly, and hook up at least twice a week, if not more. Having gotten to know him a little, I find myself falling for him. The thing is, he has made it clear on his Jack’d profile that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. Heck, he’s even told me he loves being single. I guess what I’m asking here, is what do I do here?
Thanks in advance bro, and love the site btw.
Restless in Philly
I have read a few of your comments, and I must say you give very good advice, so it is with a very heavy heart that I write to you. See my problem is this, I had been seeing this gentlemen for about four months, we have been intimate with each other for about three of them. You see I am HIV positive and have been since 1987, it is not an easy thing to deal with but has become so over the years. Except one thing, and that is the rejection when I tell someone my status. I have been rejected so many times because of it. But let me tell you, as I said I had been seeing a brotha for a while. When we had first met and started talking, the issue of HIV never came up, we went out and had some fun and drinks and before we knew it, it was off to the bedroom. The sex was good, really good, after the first time I started to feel bad because I realized I had not given him notice or a chance to make a decision on whether he wanted to have sex with someone HIV positive. It took me some time to tell him which I did on may 6th, I told him that I really needed to talk to him about something really serious, and that we should meet when I get home from work in an hour. He didn’t live far from me, only a 15 minute drive. I got home, called him to come over, but he was kind of busy and just wanted me to tell him over the phone. I didn’t want to do that, this was a face to face conversation in my book, but he demanded that I tell him, so I did.
Well as expected, it did not go well and I hurt him. I hurt myself at the same time, it had been weighing on my heart and soul for some time. I knew he deserved to know for his protection, so I did the right thing and told him. I realize it was late in the game. He got angry and called me the faggot word. I apologized over and over, even sent him a very long text doing saying I am so sorry. I am in tears, feeling sad. I want to know how he is. I have been blocked and unfriended. Now what do I do? It is hurting me and I am sure it is hurting him too. I broke his trust and maybe his heart at the same time. I will never again be sexual with anyone without informing them first. Just like I use to tell guys, and they would run from me, it looks like it has happened again. My fault I should have told him first. Now what?
For the past week or so, unless you’ve been on the moon, you’ve at least heard snippets of Queen Bey’s Lemonade. Personally, having listen to the album in its entirety maybe about 700 times, I can’t help but think about the notion of cheating. I don’t mean trying to figure out if Jay Z actually messed around on Beyoncé, and with who. I mean I’ve been thinking about how a true love between two people can survive infidelity. And like many of you, I took the thoughts in my head and shared them with friends, in an effort to have a mini forum on cheating. While I’m not going to share everything my friends and I discussed, I will summarize in a few points about what stood out to me.
I’m dating someone who I believe has communication issues. I really like this person (actually I am falling in love), but our communication is horrible in my opinion. We have similar interests, enjoy being around each other, spending all of our time together and texting all day, but for some reason when we converse, we never go deep. What should I do to correct this so it doesn’t cause problems in the future? S/N, I feel like because I’m recently divorced, and my ex-husband was big on communication, I’m expecting him to be because it’s what I’m use too? Am I wrong to want our communication to be as strong as our sexual, physical, mental, spiritual, and intellectual connection as well?
Brain Over Heart
Read a few of your articles and saw how you helped some folks out with tips, and was hoping you could help me. What would you do if you and the guy you’ve been seeing for 2 months finally have sex, and the sex is mediocre at best? I’m in this situation now. When we kiss, he is amazing at it. Which is why I was surprised he was so blah in bed. I don’t think I could be in relationship with someone that can’t please me. Thoughts?
I decided to address some current misconceptions out there about the concept of relationships. I’ve heard some people view relationships as a cure for their own personal shortcomings and issues. I’ve also heard people give me a long list of reasons why they would never in their life enter coupledom again. So I decided to talk about some of the myths about relationships. While the list here is not exhaustive by any means, I’ve chosen some top ones that are worth talking about. And I hope dispelling these myths, help people reevaluate whether or not they are ready to commit to one.
So after 2 years with my baby, I’m finally ready to pop the question. I want to go before the justice of the peace, exchange rings, and say I do. The only thing is, having talked about the idea of marriage with my boyfriend, we don’t agree on the idea of a prenup. If we were to get married, I would have to have a prenup. God forbid we get married then divorce, I just want us to walk away from the marriage with what we had before going into it. No alimony and no mess. He on the other hand thinks that a prenup is like some curse on a marriage. He thinks signing one means the marriage is doomed to fail. Since we are both pretty grounded in our perspectives, how do you think we should proceed going forward in our relationship?
Thanks in advance,
Wanna Keep My Coin
My damn boyfriend is driving me crazy. As much as I love him, lately I’ve been wanting to kick his ass. When I tell you he is biggest flirt, I mean it. He’ll flirt with members at the gym, employees at the grocery store, waiters at any restaurant, and men on IG. When I mention the problem I have with his flirting, he always respond the same way. “Babe you know I’m not cheating, I love you.” And then my personal favorite, “You know I’m just a natural flirt, it means nothing. Don’t you trust me?” I mean I do trust him, but man. What do you think I should do here?