friendship, relationships

My Best Friend Won’t Stop Judging Me Because I’m in a Throuple

Dear T,

I’m tired of my judgmental ass friend.  I mean I love how he’s protective of me, and has always been a ride or die, but for the past few months he has been making slick comments about my personal life. So about three months ago, my boyfriend and I decided to become a throuple with a great guy we both liked. The arrangement we have is really good, and I’m happy. You’d think my happiness is what my best friend would care about, but it’s not.

When I first told him about my situation, he told me it was a terrible idea. He said he couldn’t do it, and that it’s going to end badly with me single. I tried to explain to him that me and my boyfriends are good, but he believes this won’t work. I told him that I didn’t want to hear any more of that negative sh$t, and for a short while that worked. But then when I’d bring both boyfriends around him, he would be real shady to them. And when it’s just he and I, he asks messy questions like “who you like better?”, “who would you marry since you want a husband and legally can only have one?” Stuff like that.

I love my friend but what do I do about his judgment? It’s getting to the point where I thought about slapping his a$$.

-Keep Your Judgement

relationships

He Said He Won’t Marry Me Until I Satisfy Him in Bed

Dear Tavion,

I’ve been dating a divorced man with erectile dysfunction for over 2 years. His ex lives down the street and is now dating a woman. He made her wait 6 years for marriage and said he only proposed when she started “putting out” on the regular. He used to be young, healthy, and virile with her. Now he is a middle-aged man with high cholesterol and ED. Despite his inability to perform sexually, he demands that I please him in bed. He needs a ton of stimulation to get aroused despite taking daily Cialis. Because I see his ex on the regular, I resent her for stealing his good boner years. I’m at a crossroads now where I think it’s best I leave him. He doesn’t want to propose unless I satisfy him sexually, but his boner doesn’t work anymore and he has a low sex drive in his 40s. I think using sex as the barometer for getting married is dumb, but I’m just a woman. What do you think?

-Annabelle

Dating, friendship

I Hooked Up with Him First, Should I Tell My Friend?

T,

I’m in a bad situation with one of my close friends. My friend is the type to keep his personal life in terms of dating a secret until he’s serious with a person. I respect that for him, and even admire him. The only thing is, he just told me about the guy he’s serious about and showed me his Instagram, and he’s definitely someone I hooked up with back in the day.

I didn’t know what to do when he was telling me about this boy, so I didn’t tell him anything. My friend really doesn’t get serious with people often, so I didn’t want to be the one that ruins sh*t. But I’ve been thinking I should say something in case the guy tells my friend, and then my friend looks at me crazy. I don’t like this guy at all by the way. I’m not sure what to do because I feel like I’m in a lose/lose situation. Suggestions welcomed.

-I Was Technically First

relationships

My Boyfriend’s Best Friend Doesn’t Like Me. What Should I Do?

Hello Tavion,

I’m writing you because I need help dealing with my boyfriend’s friend.  I originally had no freaking clue why my bf’s friend didn’t like me. Every time I came around the friend he acted like I killed his damn dog or something. I’ve always been super nice to him and friendly, but he’s short with me and treats me like I don’t belong. I asked my bf what the deal is, and he said his friend just takes time to warm up to people. But I called bullsh*t. I told my boyfriend it seemed like his friend was jealous of me. That’s when he confessed that his friend liked him when they initially met 5 years ago, but his friend got over it. I said the friend is lying about being over it, but that made my boyfriend upset because he thinks I’m making something out of nothing. What do you think about all this?

-They Ain’t Friends

relationships

He Cheated with His Best Friend But Hasn’t Ended the Friendship

Hi Tavion,

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly a decade and last year I found out that he cheated on me with his “best” female friend. Needless to say, I was devastated, especially because I had become cool with her over the course of our relationship. Double betrayal much? I decided to give the relationship one last shot, but he needed to completely cut that friend off.

Now, 6 months later he is still talking to the friend even though it’s cordial, and I have an issue with that. The friend has apologized to me woman to woman, but I still just don’t want them to be friends. We have several mutual friends who of course don’t know what happened. I am not sure if it is me being insecure, still hurt over the situation, or just a b*tch, but I can’t understand why he can’t just cut her off. Do you think since I forgave my boyfriend and am working past the situation with him that I should do the same for her?

Rose

relationships

He Cheated but I Still Love Him. Am I Stupid for Wanting Him Back?

T,

I recently found out my long-distance boyfriend was cheating on me for 3 months. We’ve known each other for 5 years, got into a relationship a year and a half ago, and a couple weeks ago the other girl ended up getting in contact with me while he was spending winter break here.

Now he’s taking time to work on himself (or so he’s told me) and is staying away from relationships altogether. I’m really having a hard time processing everything, especially because he promised this would never be something I’d ever have to experience. He was cheated on in his prior relationship, and I took that as a sign he would never want me to experience that pain. The worst part is that I still love him, but he’s fallen out of love with me.

I want to believe we could work things out, that we could start over in the future, try again when we’re both in a better place. We met each other at a really bad time in our lives, and both of us have some things we need to work on mentally/emotionally. This was my first real relationship, and I don’t want to let it go. I’ve never experienced love like this, and I’m truly devastated and heartbroken over all of it. But even though I’m hurting, I can’t help but want him back. I just want to know, am I stupid for holding out hope?

-Jas

relationships

My Ex Wants to Have Another Kid with Me, My Boyfriend Is Pissed

Hello Tavion,

Imma keep this as short as possible. I’m bisexual and when I was 23 I had my daughter with my best friend. I mean at the time we were dating, but since we broke up we’ve stayed real cool. Now I’m almost 30 and I have a boyfriend who I love. We been together for about 2 years. He gets along well with my daughter, and he was getting along with her mom until she asked me to have another kid with her.

She wants another baby, and because things worked well with us, she wants me to be the dad. I’ll admit, I’ve thought about having another kid before, but not under these circumstances. Again, I love my boyfriend, and he’s really not with the idea of me having another child with my friend. Like at all. In fact, we got into an argument about it. And things are real weird between my daughter’s mom and my boyfriend, especially because she keeps pressing the issue. Long story short, I kind of want the kid, but not enough to compromise my relationship. What’s your advice? Who should I choose?

-GirlDad Maybe Twice

relationships

I Love My Boyfriend but Where is the Sex? I Miss it!

T,

Straight up, I love sex. Not that I’m having sex with any and everybody because I have a boyfriend. We been together for a little over a year, and when we started out in his thing sex was amazing. I mean some of the best I’ve ever had, and we were having sex like five times a week. But over the past month, I’m lucky if we have sex twice a week, and even then he’s not doing the things he used to do. For real, I’m pissed about it. I tried talking to him about it, but he says he’s just been busy at work. I get work being stressful, but he still has time to take his ass out during Covid to hang with friends. He still goes to the gym, and if he can work out in the gym he can work out with me. I don’t think I’m being selfish, because sex is an important part in our relationship and he knows that. What do you think?

-Sexless in My City

Dating

I Like Him but I Hate the Old Underwear He Wears

Tavion,

Dude I was talking to has been pissed at me for about three days now. Here’s the thing, he’s a great guy that I’m falling for hard. He just has one flaw that I can see right now that drives me up the freakin wall. I hate the underwear he has because they are just so old. Let me be clear, they aren’t dirty underwear with skid marks and things. They are just old. They are fading and some of the elastic is damn near gone. I promise you I’ve seen a hole in a pair or two, which I guess is quick access for me. But the underwear being old is a bit of a turnoff. Then I see his body, and I’m like forget the draws.

Trying to rectify the problem and be honest, I asked him when is the last time he invested in underwear? I even suggested he let me buy him some, which is crazy because he has a good job and could buy his own. He got all offended and thought I was trying to embarrass him. I can’t believe something so stupid as fresh draws caused an issue.

I sent him text messages trying to explain where I was coming from and told him I wasn’t being shady, but I barely got a thumbs up emoji in reply. This is dumb because I don’t think we should be arguing over this, and I won’t apologize because I’m not sorry. What you think?

-Anti Old Draws

relationships

My Boyfriend Won’t Have Sex with Me and I Want to Bad

Man Tavion,

My boyfriend won’t have sex with me. We started dating back in July, and he still won’t let me top him. I knew he was celibate when we first started talking, but he said he was waiting until he got back into a relationship. I asked if he wanted to be official or whatever last week, and he still says he’s not ready for sex. Like what is a man to do? I have needs. We’ve talked about this, and my boyfriend said he still isn’t ready.  I feel like he’s holding out for the hell of it. Advice needed.

-I Wants It