I’m having a problem with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for four years, and we have a great relationship. I love him more today than ever, and he says the same. The issue is he won’t commit to marrying me. He told me that he doesn’t want to be with anyone else, but marriage is not something he’s ready to do. Like how does he not know if he’s ready to marry me after four years? I’ve been trying not to blow up at him too much because when we first started dating he said he wasn’t sure about marriage to anyone, but might be open to it. I get that. But damn, what is holding him back? Do you think I should press him on it? Or do you think I should give up on my dreams of marriage?
-Mr. Fed Up
I’ve been dating a divorced man with erectile dysfunction for over 2 years. His ex lives down the street and is now dating a woman. He made her wait 6 years for marriage and said he only proposed when she started “putting out” on the regular. He used to be young, healthy, and virile with her. Now he is a middle-aged man with high cholesterol and ED. Despite his inability to perform sexually, he demands that I please him in bed. He needs a ton of stimulation to get aroused despite taking daily Cialis. Because I see his ex on the regular, I resent her for stealing his good boner years. I’m at a crossroads now where I think it’s best I leave him. He doesn’t want to propose unless I satisfy him sexually, but his boner doesn’t work anymore and he has a low sex drive in his 40s. I think using sex as the barometer for getting married is dumb, but I’m just a woman. What do you think?
I’m having a hard time trying to decide on what to do about my boyfriend, well hopeful fiancé. We’ve been together for about two and a half years now, and I’m ready to make him mine. I mean we already live together and have a dog, but I’m ready to take that next step. I’m pretty sure he’s ready too. The only problem is my family isn’t supportive of us getting married.
It’s not that my family doesn’t support gay marriage, they just don’t like my boyfriend. In fact they can’t stand him. My mom and sister especially think he doesn’t pay for anything, and will hurt me again. He cheated on me a year ago once, but after time and a little counseling, we got back together. I’ve forgiven him, but my family is still salty about it.
Anyway, I’m grown and can do what I want, but I want my family to be okay with this engagement and eventual marriage. I just don’t know how to make this work. Any ideas?
-RJ Sims 92
I’m running into a problem with my boyfriend. We aren’t having cheating problems or anything, but he wants marriage and I’m not sure that I do. He and I have been together for four years and I love him so much, but he keeps talking about how he wants to get married. I usually either dodge the topic of conversation when he brings it up, or say stuff like maybe one day.
A few nights we got into an argument because he asked me straight up if I envisioned us getting married or engaged in the next year, and I finally told him straight up I don’t know if marriage is for me. He wasn’t feeling that answer, because he said if we aren’t working toward marriage, then what are we doing? I’m committed to him and all, but I just don’t know if I want to marry him or anybody. Also, I don’t think it’s fair to be pressured into marriage just because my boyfriend wants it.
I’m not sure what to do here. Really don’t want my boyfriend to leave me over this. Your advice is appreciated.
-Not Ready for Marriage
Let me tell you what I’ve been going through lately. I’ve been dating this guy for 6 months. We met at the gym, and he actually approached me. I wasn’t really checking for a relationship or anything, so the fact that I let this guy sweep me up is surprising. So after some good dates and even better sex, we became official, but then the Corona hit. As soon as all the quarantine stuff started happening, I’ve seen him 2 times in a month. The phone calls weren’t as frequent either. Once he started pulling back, I thought maybe he was super cautious about catching corona, but then my gut was telling me something was up.
I did a little digging on Facebook, which I hadn’t done before, and found out my so-called boyfriend is married with a young kid. I was crushed. A week ago I sent him a text to call me, and when we spoke on the phone he went into this story that he is married, but him and his wife have an understanding that they can do whatever. They are only together for their son, and can do whatever with whoever outside the house. Because of everything that’s been going on, he has to spend more time at home. He said the only reason he didn’t tell me everything up front was because most people don’t understand his arrangement, and really likes me and didn’t want me to cancel him. However, what am I supposed to do with that? He’s not planning on divorcing his wife until his kid is grown, but wants to date me in the meantime. Can’t wait to hear your thoughts.
– Quarantined and Hate It
I have been dating my long-distance boyfriend for almost 5 years now. We live in different countries, but every time we can, we travel to one another. This past summer, we even got married, and our whole families were happy about it. Everything seemed perfect! Today, he opened up to me that , 2 years into our relationship, he cheated.
He kept it from me due to the fear of losing me. I am so hurt by what he did, because I thought we were strong enough to surpass those physical temptations. He says that he couldn’t live with himself anymore knowing that he’s hiding this from me, as every day he’s realizing more that I’m his soulmate. Before this happened, we were planning on him moving to the states so we could spend our lives together. I see that he’s remorseful because he could’ve still kept it a secret, and I would’ve never found out. However, I hate to admit it, but my ego is bruised, and my heart is shattered. I would like to think that we can make this work, but I’m afraid that I’m not strong enough to. I’ve always said that I would immediately break up with someone that cheated on me , but it is so difficult because I’m in love with him. Am I weak to try this again? Or should I even? That betrayal has scarred us forever.
It sucks when in a relationship everything is perfect but one wants just companionship and the other wants commitment. I’ve been dating my bf for a little over a year now. This is my happiest relationship so far. He treats me really well and I balance out his energy perfectly too. But, I’m foreign on a visa, and my visa is expiring in a year.
When I had the talk with him on whether or not he would consider marriage as a way to keep me here, he backed out. He has his reasons, but I think in reality just like what you said in your writing, he’s probably only looking for companionship and will never commit not matter how much he loves or cares about the person. Because for him, the fear of losing freedom outweighs all the benefits he get from a relationship.
It’s so funny how the universe works. This just happened yesterday, and today I saw your post. We are all on our own journeys, and sometimes even the almost perfect person might still not meant to be.
Let me start by saying how much I love your site. A cousin recommended I check it out about a week ago, and I’m hooked. You have some pretty good advice and some of the questions hit real close to home. So the reason I’m writing is because I have a question.
Okay, so about 3 weeks ago my best friend got engaged to a guy he’s only been with about 7 months. I think that’s hella of fast, but my best friend says he loves him and knows this is his husband. As much as I want to support him in his rushed relationship, yes that’s shade, I just can’t bring myself to be that happy for him. I honestly don’t like his fiancé.
His fiancé is a little shady in my opinion. The dude cheated on him like a 2 month ago with some random from the club. I thought that my friend would end things for good, but he only broke up with the guy for like a week then took him back. I rolled my eyes super hard on that one. Oh and did I mention that the fiancé is apparently not in contact with any of his family members. That is super suspicious to me.
Sorry, my question is this. Do I try and convince my friend not to get married? I don’t want him to hate me or take away my title as best man. On the other hand, I don’t want him to make such a huge mistake. He’s thinking of not signing a prenup with this fool, and my friend has a lot of coin.
Unsupportive But Supportive Bestie
Before I dive deep into this post, let me first say that this is not a post meant to bash anyone or their parenting abilities necessarily. I’m proud to have created a platform that doesn’t make a habit of judging other people or hurling out insults. However with that said, there are some things I tend to have a very strong opinion about, and relationships between estranged parents and their children is one of them. I probably have such strong opinions because I don’t really have much a relationship with my own father, but that’s a story for a different post. Anyway, let’s go ahead and get started.
The guy who I thought was damn near perfection turned out to be liar, and I’m so pissed. After a month of being so geeked and excited to find a guy that’s cute, smart, and driven, it all ended when I found out this jerk is married to a woman. It doesn’t really matter how I found out, but just know it’s a small world. I confronted the guy and he tried to act like it’s not what it seems. He said him and his wife have some type of weird arrangement. Like I told him, the hell I look like trying to be with a man that’s already in a relationship. Anyway, the question I have for you, is why do I feel curving him was a mistake? Why do I low key want to keep seeing this man? Like an idiot I legit almost called him yesterday. Thoughts needed.
-Descendant of a King