relationships

He Cheated with His Best Friend But Hasn’t Ended the Friendship

Hi Tavion,

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly a decade and last year I found out that he cheated on me with his “best” female friend. Needless to say, I was devastated, especially because I had become cool with her over the course of our relationship. Double betrayal much? I decided to give the relationship one last shot, but he needed to completely cut that friend off.

Now, 6 months later he is still talking to the friend even though it’s cordial, and I have an issue with that. The friend has apologized to me woman to woman, but I still just don’t want them to be friends. We have several mutual friends who of course don’t know what happened. I am not sure if it is me being insecure, still hurt over the situation, or just a b*tch, but I can’t understand why he can’t just cut her off. Do you think since I forgave my boyfriend and am working past the situation with him that I should do the same for her?

Rose

Dating, friendship

I Like Older Men and My Friends Constantly Clown Me for It

Tavion,

I’m sick of my so-called friends getting on my case about who I date. They’re always cracking jokes about the fact most of the men I date are older than me. See I’m 23, but most of the guys I mess with or whatever are at least 40. They don’t get the attraction, but guys my age have that immature mentality, and I don’t have time. I’ve told my friends my reasoning several times, but they won’t ease up. The jokes didn’t bother me that much before, but now I’m sick of them saying sh&t like I like raisin balls. It’s petty and stupid. How would you get them to stop? What would you do if you were me?

-I Like Real Daddies

relationships

My Ex Wants to Have Another Kid with Me, My Boyfriend Is Pissed

Hello Tavion,

Imma keep this as short as possible. I’m bisexual and when I was 23 I had my daughter with my best friend. I mean at the time we were dating, but since we broke up we’ve stayed real cool. Now I’m almost 30 and I have a boyfriend who I love. We been together for about 2 years. He gets along well with my daughter, and he was getting along with her mom until she asked me to have another kid with her.

She wants another baby, and because things worked well with us, she wants me to be the dad. I’ll admit, I’ve thought about having another kid before, but not under these circumstances. Again, I love my boyfriend, and he’s really not with the idea of me having another child with my friend. Like at all. In fact, we got into an argument about it. And things are real weird between my daughter’s mom and my boyfriend, especially because she keeps pressing the issue. Long story short, I kind of want the kid, but not enough to compromise my relationship. What’s your advice? Who should I choose?

-GirlDad Maybe Twice

Dating

I Like Him but I Hate the Old Underwear He Wears

Tavion,

Dude I was talking to has been pissed at me for about three days now. Here’s the thing, he’s a great guy that I’m falling for hard. He just has one flaw that I can see right now that drives me up the freakin wall. I hate the underwear he has because they are just so old. Let me be clear, they aren’t dirty underwear with skid marks and things. They are just old. They are fading and some of the elastic is damn near gone. I promise you I’ve seen a hole in a pair or two, which I guess is quick access for me. But the underwear being old is a bit of a turnoff. Then I see his body, and I’m like forget the draws.

Trying to rectify the problem and be honest, I asked him when is the last time he invested in underwear? I even suggested he let me buy him some, which is crazy because he has a good job and could buy his own. He got all offended and thought I was trying to embarrass him. I can’t believe something so stupid as fresh draws caused an issue.

I sent him text messages trying to explain where I was coming from and told him I wasn’t being shady, but I barely got a thumbs up emoji in reply. This is dumb because I don’t think we should be arguing over this, and I won’t apologize because I’m not sorry. What you think?

-Anti Old Draws

Dating

You May Like Him but Office Romances Are Usually a Bad Idea

Hi,

I’ve been speaking and emailing with a guy from our IT department. He’s awesome and thoughtful. Does not have a social media presence, go to the gym, have a sense of humor, likes the count on Sesame Street, works very hard and is very helpful to everyone. If things were not so complicated in my life right now I would definitely see where this could lead.

I must confess that I have been flirting with him and selfishly gave the impression that I am interested. He has now asked to meet over a “beverage” but has thoughtfully said that he’s happy to make a site visit at my work so that I can see if he’s someone I would like to have a “beverage” with (we have never met each other). I like him but I don’t want to hurt him. I would be keen to know what you think of him from what little information I have provided and any advice on what I should do.

-Xx Conflicted

relationships

I Love My Boyfriend but He Keeps Telling “White Lies”

T,

I love my boyfriend so damn much, but he keeps telling me white lies. I’ll give you an example. One of our mutual friends recently posted a pic of his gym progress on Instagram and my boyfriend liked it. When I was talking to my boyfriend about how good our friend looks, he tells me he didn’t see the picture. I couldn’t figure out why he told that lie.

To give you another example, 2 months ago through random conversation he told me that the car he drives is all paid off. Then a week ago I saw a deal for like a cute vacation and he told me he didn’t have the money for one right now because he had to pay his car note. White lies like this are driving me nuts.

It’s weird because I feel like he’s truthful with the big things, but I have no idea why he tells these white lies. When I confront him on these lies, he always has an excuse, or tells me I misunderstood him. What would you do in my shoes? Keep in mind, everything else in our relationship is really good.

-Just Want the Truth

Dating

When Is the Right Time to Share Your Undetectable Status?

Hello Tavion,

I hope that you are well. As always, I enjoy your site and the advice that you give so I am reaching out. Here is my dilemma. I am HIV Undetectable. When dating, I oftentimes wonder when to disclose to my dating partner. I don’t want to mention it too soon and scare him off. I also don’t want to wait too late, especially if it’s a “deal-breaker” for him. Do you have any advice on the right time to disclose HIV status so no one is wasting their time but giving a fair chance for things to develop?

-Soon to Be Late