relationships

My Boyfriend is Bisexual and That’s Causing Me to Be Insecure

Hi

Well how do I start? I am 18 years and I am dating a bisexual guy. We have been together for a year now and he is the best boyfriend I ever had. He let me know about his sexuality before we started dating. The more I got to learn about him the more I liked him and I accepted him since the beginning. We rarely touch on the subject about his past with other guys. And we’ve had a beautiful relationship full of love and adoration.

Recently he posted a picture online captioning it about pride month and basically speaking out about him being bisexual. I’ve always supported him and like I said accepted because I always thought that if he’s with me that’s all that matters right. But when I saw his post my heart sank. I couldn’t swallow what he had done and my mind went swarming with insecurity.

I cried that night asking myself I am going to be enough for him if he’s claiming he’s into men online. Let me be clear and say I’m not saying I am against Pride month but I don’t think it was respectful of him to say he’s into men when he is with me who has never given him a reason to claim I have cheated or been interested in another person or persons.

I thought to myself, Am I going not satisfy him later on if we continue together?? Does he want to experiment more with men??? By doing this, does he want to make himself available to get guys’ attention. I did accept him and I love him but I didn’t expect emotional pain from this. His girlfriend accepted him and I’m not saying okay he’s dating me he’s going to forget about guys but I just think that I am not capable of being the right person for him and dealing with emotional pain like right now for the long run.

Of course who would anyone not say they want their first partner to be their lifetime partner, of course I dream of getting married and hope we last but I am in tears writing you this hoping you can put some calm in my heart. I feel like I haven’t been able to share this with him because I don’t want to offend him or make him think I want him to hide who he really is. I have been keeping my mouth shut pretending everything is fine when it’s not. I have been emotionally hurting because I know I can’t satisfy my boyfriend in ways a man can.

I’m going to be honest, I don’t know what to do. I’m not looking for one answer, I’m just hoping you could read my message. He has no idea I’ve been crying about this he has no idea the meltdown I had when I saw his post he has no idea of the fear I have of losing him.

-P

friendship

I Love My Best Friend but Not Her Homophobic Fiancé

Tavion,

I can’t stand my best friend’s trifling ass boyfriend, well now fiancé. There are a few things that piss me off about him. First, he acts real funny around me like I have the plague, and I’m pretty sure it’s because he’s homophobic. Me and best friend could be talking and laughing like we usually do in front of him, and he just has this resting b&tch face and stares. Now when we do see each other, he will dap me up or whatever, but it’s always awkward.

The second reason I don’t like him is because him and my best friend live together, but she pays most of the bills. I mean he does work, but he works at the UPS store and she has a good government job. They aren’t equally yoked.

The last reason I don’t like him is since they’ve been together, she just doesn’t have fun with me like she used to. Yeah we still laugh and talk on occasion, but we don’t go out. And when we do, it seems like she’s always rushing home to him.

My question is, am I crazy for feeling the way I do? And If not, how do I get my friend back?

-The Real Rider

relationships

I Don’t Know If I Can Handle My Boyfriend’s Drinking Problem

Dear T,

Point blank, what would you do if you think your boyfriend had an alcohol problem? My boyfriend and I been together for about 5 months, and over the past 2 months I realized I’m not a big fan of him drunk. I mean he’s always liked drinking the occasional drink. Hell, we met at a club. I used to think his drunken antics were a little cute. He would get very talkative, and his sex game improved ironically. Lately though, when he drinks he gets a little belligerent, and he’s drinking more frequently. In fact, we now usually get into our biggest arguments after he’s been drinking, and since he’s been doing more of that, we argue often.

I’ve asked him if he thought maybe he had a problem, but he says he doesn’t and I’m just hyping up the situation. I love my boyfriend and I want us to work out, but I don’t know if I want to deal with him and the drinking like that, and he doesn’t acknowledge a problem. So what would you do? What should I do?

-Want Him to Stop

Dating

If We’re Not in a Relationship Yet, Should I Buy a Valentine’s Day Gift?

T,

I have a question for you.  Should I be buying a Valentine’s Day gift for a guy I’ve only been dating for 3 weeks?  It’s weird because part of me thinks it’s kind of early for me to spend money on a gift for someone I’m not sure I’m going to be with a month for now. I mean the guy is cool, and we click, but our thing is still pretty early. Then there’s the whole thing that if I get him something, but he doesn’t get me anything, I may feel some type of way.  Although, I don’t want him to be pissed if he buys me something, but I decide not to get him anything.  Maybe I shouldn’t be this worried about it, but we are supposed to meet up Valentine’s Day and I’m running out of time to think on it. You’re help would be much appreciated.

-Black Cupid 93

relationships

My Boyfriend and I Are in the Closet, And He Sleeps with His Ex-Girlfriend

Hi T,

My name is Lawrence from Nigeria. Actually I have been dating this guy for 6 years now and we have been nothing short of a perfect couple though we are closeted due to the harsh socio-political and culture terrain, however we have been having issues of late over a girl he used to date that has succeeded in wiggling herself back to him. We have built our lives together in business and other areas and we stay together but this girl wants to come over all the time and I have to leave our bedroom and take the couch so they can have privacy to talk, sleep and have sex. We have talked and quarreled about it but he is asking me to be understanding.  The funny thing is he doesn’t see anything wrong with it and says she is a cover up for his mum.  The truth is I love him crazy, I don’t want to lose him, want him for myself.  I also want to be understanding of his point of view, but I can’t bear the part where she has to come over always as well as the sex part. I really don’t know what to do. Any advice would be appreciated.

The Lifestyle

7 Events for the Black Gay Man’s Summer Calendar

  1. Philly Black Gay Pride (April 27-April 30)

While Philly has never been my favorite city (no offense to the folks from there), this has always been a great kickoff to pride events on the East coast. Given that the event coincides with the track and field Penn Relays, the city is full of people. Not to mention, the city is in driving distance for many people in the Northeast.

 

 

The Lifestyle

Moonlight Backlash is Ridiculous

Since so many people want to talk about why they have a problem with a movie like Moonlight winning an Oscar for Best Picture, let’s talk about it shall we.  Let’s talk about this masterpiece that Barry Jenkins and Tarell Alvin McCraney created.  The movie deserved that win this past Sunday.  Hands down.  While I would have been pleased if Hidden Figures had nabbed the trophy, Moonlight’s victory means more for me as a black gay man.

The Lifestyle

Going Beyond Kim Burrell’s Comments: The Church and Homosexuality

Hello there folks!  With it now officially being 2017, I hope people have completed their vision boards, made their resolutions, and prepared to hold themselves accountable for fulfilling their hopes and dreams for the New Year.  While I’m fully aware that there are those pessimists that will read this and think that there is no real difference between December 31st and the days that follow, I disagree to an extent.  I often find you are more hopeful in trying to fulfill your goals when you know you have another 365 days to succeed.  Folks just have to make sure to convert that hopefulness into plan and action so they can set new goals for the following year, and not have the same ones.

Anyway, I wanted to take a little time to talk about the Christian Church and homosexuality.  In the wake of the Kim Burrell controversy, I thought I’d add my two cents on not just on her comments, but the overall dynamic her comments speak to.  I fully understand the delicate nature of this conversation, so I’m going to do my best here to give my opinions, yet remain respectful.  The goal here is not to leave anyone with a bad taste in their mouth, although I’m sure some may disagree with what I have to say. So let’s jump into it.

relationships

Him Being Closeted Is Hurting Our Relationship

Dear T,

I actually met you at a DC Outwrite a few weeks ago, and was impressed with what you shared about your site.  So I visited According to T, and read some really good advice you’ve given out to people.  Now I’m hoping you can give me some good advice as well.  Lately, my one year relationship has been a bit rocky.  My boyfriend is a great guy, but he’s not as comfortable with his sexuality as I am.  When we go out to dinner, it’s usually outside the city.  He won’t go to gay bars or restaurants. Also, he doesn’t really have an interest in meeting my friends, or me meeting his.  I’m all for keeping our private life private, but at what point do I get to be offended because I’m being hidden?  I’ve told him I respect his need to want to keep things between us on the low, but I’ve also shared that my ideal relationship is one with someone my family and friends can meet and hangout with when I’m around.  I’d appreciate your thoughts.

From,

Let Me Out the Closet

Dating

He Said I Was Too Feminine

Hi T,

Read through a couple of the articles on here, and loved them. You give pretty good advice.  Hoping you’ll be able to give me some. I was seeing this guy I met on Jack’d, and after about a month and a half of dating, he got weird all of a sudden. He stopped texting and calling, and didn’t respond when I reached out to him. So a few days ago, I see him out at this bar with his friends. When he headed to the bathroom alone, I went and confronted him. Point blank, I asked him what the deal was. He told me I was “too feminine.” Rather than cuss him out, I walked away. But now that I’ve thought about it some more, I’m really offended and want to tell his ass off. What should I do? What would you have done?

-Apparently too Girly