friendship, relationships

My Best Friend Won’t Stop Judging Me Because I’m in a Throuple

Dear T,

I’m tired of my judgmental ass friend.  I mean I love how he’s protective of me, and has always been a ride or die, but for the past few months he has been making slick comments about my personal life. So about three months ago, my boyfriend and I decided to become a throuple with a great guy we both liked. The arrangement we have is really good, and I’m happy. You’d think my happiness is what my best friend would care about, but it’s not.

When I first told him about my situation, he told me it was a terrible idea. He said he couldn’t do it, and that it’s going to end badly with me single. I tried to explain to him that me and my boyfriends are good, but he believes this won’t work. I told him that I didn’t want to hear any more of that negative sh$t, and for a short while that worked. But then when I’d bring both boyfriends around him, he would be real shady to them. And when it’s just he and I, he asks messy questions like “who you like better?”, “who would you marry since you want a husband and legally can only have one?” Stuff like that.

I love my friend but what do I do about his judgment? It’s getting to the point where I thought about slapping his a$$.

-Keep Your Judgement

Dating, friendship

I Hooked Up with Him First, Should I Tell My Friend?

T,

I’m in a bad situation with one of my close friends. My friend is the type to keep his personal life in terms of dating a secret until he’s serious with a person. I respect that for him, and even admire him. The only thing is, he just told me about the guy he’s serious about and showed me his Instagram, and he’s definitely someone I hooked up with back in the day.

I didn’t know what to do when he was telling me about this boy, so I didn’t tell him anything. My friend really doesn’t get serious with people often, so I didn’t want to be the one that ruins sh*t. But I’ve been thinking I should say something in case the guy tells my friend, and then my friend looks at me crazy. I don’t like this guy at all by the way. I’m not sure what to do because I feel like I’m in a lose/lose situation. Suggestions welcomed.

-I Was Technically First

Dating

He’s Flirting with Me on Social Media, But Does He Like Me?

Hi Tavion,

How do you know if someone really is feeling you or not? I’ve been flirting with this guy on Twitter for about 2 months now, and that flirting hasn’t gone anywhere. I mean we haven’t exchanged numbers and haven’t gone on a date. Nothing. But he’s always liking my posts, and he always responding to my DMs. I want to ask him what’s up, but I don’t want to put myself out there like that. So knowing that, how do I figure out if he likes me?

-Twitter Fingers

Dating, friendship

He’s My Coworker’s Ex… Does that Mean He’s Off Limits?

Hey T,

Love the site. Your advice hits a whole different kind of way. Hoping I can get some of that good advice. See I’ve been seeing this man I really like for a month now. It hasn’t been that long but to say he’s got me thirsty is an understatement. The problem is I found out 2 days ago that he’s the ex of a new friend of mine. Well maybe friend is too strong of a word, let’s say coworker I’m cool with and we’ve been to happy hour once or twice in 3 months. Now my best friend said I owe this coworker at least a heads up if I’m not going to ask permission, but I don’t even want to give him that. I mean I only found out this guy was my coworker’s ex through a story the guy told and I put two and two together and asked this guy if he was talking about my coworker.

What do you think? Do I owe my coworker anything?

-Mr. Rome Dolla

Dating, relationships

I Want to Marry My Boyfriend but My Family Doesn’t Like Him

So T,

I’m having a hard time trying to decide on what to do about my boyfriend, well hopeful fiancé. We’ve been together for about two and a half years now, and I’m ready to make him mine. I mean we already live together and have a dog, but I’m ready to take that next step. I’m pretty sure he’s ready too. The only problem is my family isn’t supportive of us getting married.

It’s not that my family doesn’t support gay marriage, they just don’t like my boyfriend. In fact they can’t stand him. My mom and sister especially think he doesn’t pay for anything, and will hurt me again. He cheated on me a year ago once, but after time and a little counseling, we got back together. I’ve forgiven him, but my family is still salty about it.

Anyway, I’m grown and can do what I want, but I want my family to be okay with this engagement and eventual marriage. I just don’t know how to make this work. Any ideas?

-RJ Sims 92

Dating

This Man Is Calling Me Names during Sex and I Hate It

Tavion,

This man I’m seeing is amazing. He looks good, smells good, is smart, funny, and fine. I mean fine. Since he has all this going on and I’m so damn attracted to him, I thought when we had sex it would be some of the best I ever had. Unfortunately, when we had sex a couple of nights ago I was turned off by his mouth. It was filthy, and not in the good way.

I’m not sure who he’s had sex with in the past, but I don’t like being called out my name. He literally called me foul names during sex. He called me things like “my filthy slut” and “daddy’s b$tch boy.” I promise I wanted to punch him when he said it, but I just let it slide because I do like him. I’m supposed to go on a date with him in a few days when he gets back from visiting his family, and if we have sex again, I can’t have him talking to me like that. One of my best friends told me just to suck it up and let him say what he’s going to say so I don’t make sex boring for this guy. My friend things if I don’t put up with the names, some other man will. But I don’t want to feel disrespected. What would you do?

-Say My Name

Dating

I Really Like Him but I’m Not Sure I’m Ready for a Relationship

I love your honest raw well written post. Thank you. I am seeing a widower. It is very new and completely uncharted waters for both parties. This month is a year anniversary of her passing. I have stepped back and provided more space than ever, as I would want. She had been very ill and he very care-giving for several years prior. I am giving him space, boundaries (which I highly believe in anyway and have often called out men in past regarding lack of), and baby steps. Frankly I am not ready to be hurt nor to jump into anything. My ex bf I left years ago but he passed suddenly and too young just this past January. So essentially, it seems right.

I am not allowing intimacy and he is not pushing it, he is very respectful, yet I totally feel the intense connection and possibilities but I do have fear. More than any relationship – I have ever been concerned about. Why? Because I adore this man. I feel him. His intensity, the future possibilities. I have went thru relationships in the past and I was not fully vested, I know it and it was not fair to the partner. I was never mean or rude but still I knew it my heart, deep down, they were not the one. This one seems legitimately wonderful on so many levels and none have to do with him losing his wife in the manner he did. I am torn, very torn. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks so much.

-Josie

Dating, relationships

I Don’t Want to Meet My Boyfriend’s Parents… They’re Republican

T,

My boyfriend just doesn’t understand why I don’t want to meet his parents.  My boyfriend is white and grew up in a small town in Arkansas, and his mom and dad are republicans. Given all that’s going on and given he’s my first white boyfriend, I don’t want to meet his parents at this time. I get those are his parents and I’ll probably have to meet them, but I’m not there yet. We’ve been together for 6 months. I guess my question here is would you suck it up and meet the parents now? I mean my boyfriend is really riding my ass about this and not in a good way.

-Mr. Dark Knight 93

P.S. My boyfriend is definitely not a republican

relationships

How Do I Get Over My Husband Cheating on Me?

Hi T,

I just found your website when I’m looking for an answer on forgiveness for my husband. Me and my husband are in a long-distance relationship for more than a year. I’m working in Vietnam right now due to my job requirement. If the corona virus didn’t come, we would see each other in March already.

Since the pandemic exploded, Vietnam has locked down the international airport.  And that is how my marriage is falling apart. My husband recently has a new lesbian friend. At first, I learned that she had problems with her girlfriend, so my husband hung out with her and give her advice. I only knew about her through my husband words, never really seen her face. But this July,  I found her Facebook when I was surfing it…and what happened next ruined my soul completely.

I found her profile’s pics taken with my husband…with status says how much she loves him. Here, you might think that my husband lied about her sexuality, but the truth is she did have a girlfriend, I just can’t be sure if they are still together or not. That day, I felt like I was broken into pieces. I called my husband in the middle of the night, I asked him but he said she just did that to gain her girlfriend’s attention. Like an instinct, I kept asking him if they had sex. He kept saying why do I have to know things that would hurt me. But I said I would leave him if he didn’t tell me the truth and let me find out by myself. He then confessed that they did have sex.

My husband is the only man that I’ve ever loved in my life. I met him when I was 23, he is my first and last (I believed so). I have loved him more and more every single day. I dreamed of us soon having babies. When I knew about the affair. Everything seemed to collapse in front of me. To be honest, I was hurt so badly, the pain is stilling killing every piece of me every single day…but, my husband cried. He told me that at first they was drunk but then, he was just so lonely and they were just friends with benefits.

He said he loves me and he would kill himself if I left him and that I’m his everything. He said people make mistake and he can’t explain why he did what he did, but he never stops loving me. He didn’t want me to find out about the affair that way. He already ended that “fling” a while ago because he couldn’t take the guilty feelings every time he looked at me. That fling just last for 2 months with a few times sex. When I found out, he told that girl to take all the pictures down because that was not their deal and those pics should just be sent to her girlfriend only.

When I wrote this letter to you, I already told my husband that I forgave him. This is all because even when I’m in pain, I rather let myself suffer it alone than keep haunting him for what already done. I love my husband more than the pain that he caused, that’s why I chose to let things go. But what my husband didn’t know is that I still have nightmare every single night and I can’t stop myself from imagining the way he kissed her and the way they had sex. Can you tell me what do I have to do to get over the pain and to get rid of those imaginations? I don’t want my husband to keep punishing himself, I comfort him but I can’t stop myself from being haunted by what he did.

-Amelia

 

relationships

My Boyfriend Lent His Ex Money and I’m Angry about It

Tavion,

My boyfriend really made me pissed off. We’ve been living together for about 1 ½ years and we split the bills down the middle. 2 nights ago he asked me if I wouldn’t mind covering a few of the bills myself because he may come up a little short. I didn’t make a thing of it until he told me the reason he may come up short. He apparently lent his ex-boyfriend $350 so the ex could fix his car because it was apparently an emergency. Can you believe that?

I’ve tried to be as mature as possible about the fact my boyfriend and his ex are friends that still communicate heavy. I didn’t even trip, well too hard, when I threw my boyfriend a little birthday party back in February and the ex was on his list of guests. But now their friendship is affecting our finances, and I’m just over it. I want to cuss my boyfriend out, but I don’t want to sound like the insecure boyfriend. Is there a way to get my point across without causing a big blow up in my relationship?

I’m coming to you because I really like the advice you give.

Thanks in advance

-Mr. P