friendship, relationships

My Best Friend Won’t Stop Judging Me Because I’m in a Throuple

Dear T,

I’m tired of my judgmental ass friend.  I mean I love how he’s protective of me, and has always been a ride or die, but for the past few months he has been making slick comments about my personal life. So about three months ago, my boyfriend and I decided to become a throuple with a great guy we both liked. The arrangement we have is really good, and I’m happy. You’d think my happiness is what my best friend would care about, but it’s not.

When I first told him about my situation, he told me it was a terrible idea. He said he couldn’t do it, and that it’s going to end badly with me single. I tried to explain to him that me and my boyfriends are good, but he believes this won’t work. I told him that I didn’t want to hear any more of that negative sh$t, and for a short while that worked. But then when I’d bring both boyfriends around him, he would be real shady to them. And when it’s just he and I, he asks messy questions like “who you like better?”, “who would you marry since you want a husband and legally can only have one?” Stuff like that.

I love my friend but what do I do about his judgment? It’s getting to the point where I thought about slapping his a$$.

-Keep Your Judgement

Dating, friendship

I Like Older Men and My Friends Constantly Clown Me for It

Tavion,

I’m sick of my so-called friends getting on my case about who I date. They’re always cracking jokes about the fact most of the men I date are older than me. See I’m 23, but most of the guys I mess with or whatever are at least 40. They don’t get the attraction, but guys my age have that immature mentality, and I don’t have time. I’ve told my friends my reasoning several times, but they won’t ease up. The jokes didn’t bother me that much before, but now I’m sick of them saying sh&t like I like raisin balls. It’s petty and stupid. How would you get them to stop? What would you do if you were me?

-I Like Real Daddies

friendship

I Love My Best Friend but Not Her Homophobic Fiancé

Tavion,

I can’t stand my best friend’s trifling ass boyfriend, well now fiancé. There are a few things that piss me off about him. First, he acts real funny around me like I have the plague, and I’m pretty sure it’s because he’s homophobic. Me and best friend could be talking and laughing like we usually do in front of him, and he just has this resting b&tch face and stares. Now when we do see each other, he will dap me up or whatever, but it’s always awkward.

The second reason I don’t like him is because him and my best friend live together, but she pays most of the bills. I mean he does work, but he works at the UPS store and she has a good government job. They aren’t equally yoked.

The last reason I don’t like him is since they’ve been together, she just doesn’t have fun with me like she used to. Yeah we still laugh and talk on occasion, but we don’t go out. And when we do, it seems like she’s always rushing home to him.

My question is, am I crazy for feeling the way I do? And If not, how do I get my friend back?

-The Real Rider

friendship

We Were into the Same Guy and that Ruined Our Friendship

 Hi T,

I’m a long time fan and I need some advice. A relationship with a friend of mine that I love so much is damned near dead. I call this man my brother. Two years ago we used to live together and there was this guy that he was “dealing” with. Unbeknown to me I was messaging my friend’s “guy” on a dating app. I didn’t know him, he didn’t know me. This guy, nor myself, had no picture shown; I had only seen a d!<% pic of him in private messages, and my location was blurred at that time on the app so I never knew when he would be in the house.

On top of that my friend and I would make sure we never saw who the other was dealing with in the house by making sure we stayed in our rooms when company was entering and leaving the home. I did not know until the “guy” asked me did I live on a certain street on the app. Initially I thought to myself “who is this n!&&@ tryna play me”. But then I thought about it and thought that this may be my friend’s “guy”. Absentmindedly, I messaged the “guy” saying that I do live where he asked and that I thought he may have just chilled with my roommate. As soon as I sent the message I blocked him in an attempt for the “guy” to not get that message. I felt that if I was going to ask that question it should be to my friend and not to a person he may or may not have been dealing with.

I then went to my roommate/friend and asked him if the guy I had been talking to was the man he was dealing with. He said yes. My former roommate and I then came up with a game plan for us not to run into the same men online and we moved forward, or so I thought. About a week later my friend texts me and states that he got a different story about how everything happened and that him and I “had problems now”. I was confused. I later found out that the message I had attempted to block from being sent did in fact go through and that the “guy” responded. My friend/roommate was livid with me. I tried explaining what happened but he never believed me. The situation was so bad that I ended up moving out earlier than anticipated because of the tension in the house.

Well…eventually we got through it. We started hanging out again but my friend now has a boundary and perception of me that I believe is unfair. He will not allow me to be in the company of any of his friends or family members because he believes that I have the capability of sleeping with his love interests or causing unnecessary drama within his circle. He has stated that there were certain points in this “guy’s” and mine interaction that should have been cut off sooner being his friend. I think it’s f#< up because I never have or would sleep with a friend’s love interest. I also think this isn’t right because I was speaking to a nameless, faceless profile. Again, I never knew who this person was until they approached me about my location. I feel like I’m being judged off of a situation that anybody gay living with another gay person could have slipped into due to technology and not having boundaries around it.

My question is this: how do I continue a friendship with someone having these perceptions of me? Should I just go? I really don’t want to leave this friend behind but it’s difficult knowing that someone you call a friend, a brother, believes that you are a slut who is capable of betrayal. Please help.

– The Friend He Thinks Is a Slut

friendship

My Friend Slept with My Coworker and Now I’m Paying the Price

Tavion,

I’m in a terrible position and it’s one of my best friend’s fault. About two months ago my coworker invited me out to brunch. Since he was going to be the only person that I knew, he said I could invite a plus one, so I hit up my friend. I guess that was my mistake.

At brunch my coworker and friend were vibing, and after some mimosas and strong drinks, they started flirting heavy. I tried to block because I know how my friend is, and I didn’t want him pumping and dumping my coworker. Who wants that drama at work? My friend swore it wasn’t like that, and that he liked my coworker so I got out the way. Here I am two months later, and my coworker is pissed at me because he feels my friend ain’t sh*t. I mean my friend slept with my coworker more than once, but my friend kept misleading this guy into believing they were about to be coupled up. Which was not the case.  I mean my friend pretty much ghosted him.

Long story short, I’m mad at my friend, my coworker is mad at me, and I shouldn’t even be in the middle of this. What should I do here to fix things?

Thanks,

Mr. Damn Pissed

friendship, relationships

I Can’t Stand My Friend’s Boyfriend… He’s Controlling

T,

Point blank, I’m not a fan of my friend’s boyfriend. I feel like this old man kinda controls my friend, he’s 34 and she’s 23. Take for example the fact he tried to check her once about her hair. Apparently, he’s not a fan of braids, and let it be known by telling her that braids didn’t look nice on her and she shouldn’t get them anymore. Plus, she pays for almost everything in the relationship. Oh and since she started seeing this guy, she hates going to the club.

I know I shouldn’t get in the middle of someone’s relationship, but I felt I had to. I told her as nicely as I could to stop letting him control her, and she says he’s not. I didn’t want to push too hard because I’m nervous she would try to bail on me, but I want my friend back. What should I do here?

          King Kunta

Dating, relationships

He Broke Up with Me, But I Still Want to Be Friends

Hi, I’m so heartbroken.

My ex broke with me yesterday. We were in a face to face relationship for a year, then he leaves for school and we committed to a LDR for a year and a half, a total of 2 years and 6 months being a couple. I really really really didn’t see this coming, 10 days before breaking up he told me that I was so good to him, he told me please never give up on him or us, that I was for sure the love of his life and that he wanted everything with me. I saw him last week, I visited him and i thought we were just fine… he confessed that he had cheated on me hours before I arrived, days after he told me that I was the one without a doubt.

I cannot believe that he cheated, not after all we have been trough after all the love we have. We weren’t a toxic relationship at all, I mean everyone said that we were so rare so unreal.

I love him so so so much.

The thing is that he liked being with someone else, so he told me that this girl was no one, but having sex with someone different is what he liked, and that’s why he broke up with me, so he can enjoy his 20’s and be ready for a serious and strong loving relationship.

I don’t know if I want him back because I feel like I can’t trust him because of the cheating plus the LDR, but I just want him to love me, to worry about me, to stay in touch, to be friends but really close friends and maybe In a future, be the strong and loving couple we were.

Please advise me, do we have a future right now? Or maybe later? Can we and how can we be friends?

Dating, friendship

Should I Tell My Friend to Break Up with Her Boyfriend

Hey, if you don’t mind keeping this anonymous.

So today my best friend was getting hit with a rubber band which ofc was leaving markings and everything. She was getting hit with the rubber band by a kid that she talks to but they aren’t really “friends.” Let’s call him “Jose.” Okay anyways she was telling Jose to stop hitting her and he wouldn’t, then this kid that has a crush on my friend said to stop and tried to make him stop but Jose still didn’t. (Note I wasn’t in her class) but so here’s the problem, my friend’s boyfriend was sitting in the table behind her while this was all happening and not doing a thing about it but he knew it was happening. Also that for the past two weeks they haven’t had an actual conversation. Besides all of this, my friend wants to know what I would say to him if I were going to. I just don’t know how to write it.

-R

friendship, The Lifestyle

My Best Friend’s Girlfriend Doesn’t Like Me Because I’m Gay

Tavion,

I’m having a problem I need your help with. Long story short, one of my best friends is a straight guy, and we’ve known each other since middle school. About four months ago he started dating this girl who I can’t stand.  When I first met her I could tell something was off about her, but I kept my feelings to myself. I really wish I hadn’t.

Since she’s been around I don’t see my friend as much, and any time I do see him she’s right there behind him like a shadow. Not only is she there, but she looks at me with this stank face like I pissed in her grits or something. I’ve come to the conclusion that she is jealous or something like I want to screw my best friend.

Keep in mind I’ve never slept with my best friend, nor have I ever wanted to sleep with him. He’s cute and is about his business, but I’ve never wanted to cross that line with him. He’s like my blood brother. He wouldn’t cross that line with me either because he is very much into women.

What do I do in this situation? The longer this woman is around, the more attached she and my friend become. I’m nervous about our friendship. I tried asking why his girl doesn’t seem to like me, but he said she doesn’t have a problem and she’s cool. I know that’s a lie.

Advice needed,

Life is Like a Box of Chocolate.

Dating

We’re Only Dating, Do I Have to Invite Him to Thanksgiving Dinner?

Hey T,

I hope this letter gets to you quickly because I kind of need an answer ASAP. The thing is I’ve been dating this guy for a little over two months. Everything is cool between us, but I wouldn’t say we were in a relationship just yet. Not that I don’t want to be, we just haven’t had that talk yet. Okay so the point. He asked me what I was doing this Thanksgiving and I told him my family was coming to town for dinner. When I asked him about his plans, he said he didn’t really have any. His family is on the west coast, and the people he considers his friends are all going out of town. I feel bad for him because it basically sounds like he is going to be spending Thanksgiving alone.

Now he hasn’t outright asked to come to Thanksgiving with me and my family, but I feel like he has dropped a few hints like he wants me to ask. The problem is, I’m not comfortable with inviting him. My family knows I’m gay, but have never met one of my boyfriend’s, or anyone I’ve dated, and I don’t want to start that tradition now. I’d rather wait until I’m with someone I know for sure is going to be the one. The question I have, is how do I not invite this guy to dinner without feeling like a jerk? Again, I like this guy and want to see where things between us go and don’t want to offend him.

Thank you,

Holiday Bluezzz