I recently found out my long-distance boyfriend was cheating on me for 3 months. We’ve known each other for 5 years, got into a relationship a year and a half ago, and a couple weeks ago the other girl ended up getting in contact with me while he was spending winter break here.
Now he’s taking time to work on himself (or so he’s told me) and is staying away from relationships altogether. I’m really having a hard time processing everything, especially because he promised this would never be something I’d ever have to experience. He was cheated on in his prior relationship, and I took that as a sign he would never want me to experience that pain. The worst part is that I still love him, but he’s fallen out of love with me.
I want to believe we could work things out, that we could start over in the future, try again when we’re both in a better place. We met each other at a really bad time in our lives, and both of us have some things we need to work on mentally/emotionally. This was my first real relationship, and I don’t want to let it go. I’ve never experienced love like this, and I’m truly devastated and heartbroken over all of it. But even though I’m hurting, I can’t help but want him back. I just want to know, am I stupid for holding out hope?
Imma keep this as short as possible. I’m bisexual and when I was 23 I had my daughter with my best friend. I mean at the time we were dating, but since we broke up we’ve stayed real cool. Now I’m almost 30 and I have a boyfriend who I love. We been together for about 2 years. He gets along well with my daughter, and he was getting along with her mom until she asked me to have another kid with her.
She wants another baby, and because things worked well with us, she wants me to be the dad. I’ll admit, I’ve thought about having another kid before, but not under these circumstances. Again, I love my boyfriend, and he’s really not with the idea of me having another child with my friend. Like at all. In fact, we got into an argument about it. And things are real weird between my daughter’s mom and my boyfriend, especially because she keeps pressing the issue. Long story short, I kind of want the kid, but not enough to compromise my relationship. What’s your advice? Who should I choose?
-GirlDad Maybe Twice
I moved in with my boyfriend two months ago and it’s been a shit show. I love this man, I really do, but living with him is just uncomfortable. I wake up in the morning to toothpaste on the mirror from him brushing his teeth. He does this whole thing where he likes to soak dishes instead of scrubbing the damn pan. Sometimes when he shits in the master bathroom, he leaves the door open, so the smell gets into the bedroom.
And before you say it, I’m aware I can just talk to him about this stuff, but I don’t want to be the nagging boyfriend. I feel like I’m telling him not to do something daily. I thought about moving out, but if I do that, I think he will want to break up. What should I do to save my sanity and my relationship?
-Living in Nene’s Ghetto
Straight up, I love sex. Not that I’m having sex with any and everybody because I have a boyfriend. We been together for a little over a year, and when we started out in his thing sex was amazing. I mean some of the best I’ve ever had, and we were having sex like five times a week. But over the past month, I’m lucky if we have sex twice a week, and even then he’s not doing the things he used to do. For real, I’m pissed about it. I tried talking to him about it, but he says he’s just been busy at work. I get work being stressful, but he still has time to take his ass out during Covid to hang with friends. He still goes to the gym, and if he can work out in the gym he can work out with me. I don’t think I’m being selfish, because sex is an important part in our relationship and he knows that. What do you think?
-Sexless in My City
Dude I was talking to has been pissed at me for about three days now. Here’s the thing, he’s a great guy that I’m falling for hard. He just has one flaw that I can see right now that drives me up the freakin wall. I hate the underwear he has because they are just so old. Let me be clear, they aren’t dirty underwear with skid marks and things. They are just old. They are fading and some of the elastic is damn near gone. I promise you I’ve seen a hole in a pair or two, which I guess is quick access for me. But the underwear being old is a bit of a turnoff. Then I see his body, and I’m like forget the draws.
Trying to rectify the problem and be honest, I asked him when is the last time he invested in underwear? I even suggested he let me buy him some, which is crazy because he has a good job and could buy his own. He got all offended and thought I was trying to embarrass him. I can’t believe something so stupid as fresh draws caused an issue.
I sent him text messages trying to explain where I was coming from and told him I wasn’t being shady, but I barely got a thumbs up emoji in reply. This is dumb because I don’t think we should be arguing over this, and I won’t apologize because I’m not sorry. What you think?
-Anti Old Draws
My boyfriend won’t have sex with me. We started dating back in July, and he still won’t let me top him. I knew he was celibate when we first started talking, but he said he was waiting until he got back into a relationship. I asked if he wanted to be official or whatever last week, and he still says he’s not ready for sex. Like what is a man to do? I have needs. We’ve talked about this, and my boyfriend said he still isn’t ready. I feel like he’s holding out for the hell of it. Advice needed.
-I Wants It
According to T,
I’m writing you about my problem, because my friends think I’m being an idiot. Hopefully you don’t think the same. The problem I’m having is I still love my ex. Quick backstory, we were only together for a little over a year, but toward the end of the relationship he started acting funny. I found out he was acting funny because his ex popped back up in his life and he realized he still had feelings for him. To be clear he didn’t cheat on me. He said he had feelings for both of us, but I wasn’t about to stick around while he was on the fence about who he wanted to be with, so I dipped.
Recently I ran into my ex at Starbucks, and he looked great. I mean, he was finer than I remember. Anyway, we talked for a little bit at Starbucks, then started texting later that night. He apologized for hurting me, and wishes he handled things between us differently. He says he and his ex weren’t meant to be and he’s completely over him, and he knew that shortly after we broke up. He didn’t call me because he thought I wouldn’t have answered the phone. And he’s right, because at that time I wouldn’t have answered the phone.
Now that some time has gone by, and we’ve cleared things up, I still feel drawn to him. I know he’s still feeling me, because he said he wants us to try again. My friends say I’d be an idiot to let him back in, but damn it I like him. What are your thoughts?
-Still Want Him
I’ve been speaking and emailing with a guy from our IT department. He’s awesome and thoughtful. Does not have a social media presence, go to the gym, have a sense of humor, likes the count on Sesame Street, works very hard and is very helpful to everyone. If things were not so complicated in my life right now I would definitely see where this could lead.
I must confess that I have been flirting with him and selfishly gave the impression that I am interested. He has now asked to meet over a “beverage” but has thoughtfully said that he’s happy to make a site visit at my work so that I can see if he’s someone I would like to have a “beverage” with (we have never met each other). I like him but I don’t want to hurt him. I would be keen to know what you think of him from what little information I have provided and any advice on what I should do.
Love the site. Your advice hits a whole different kind of way. Hoping I can get some of that good advice. See I’ve been seeing this man I really like for a month now. It hasn’t been that long but to say he’s got me thirsty is an understatement. The problem is I found out 2 days ago that he’s the ex of a new friend of mine. Well maybe friend is too strong of a word, let’s say coworker I’m cool with and we’ve been to happy hour once or twice in 3 months. Now my best friend said I owe this coworker at least a heads up if I’m not going to ask permission, but I don’t even want to give him that. I mean I only found out this guy was my coworker’s ex through a story the guy told and I put two and two together and asked this guy if he was talking about my coworker.
What do you think? Do I owe my coworker anything?
-Mr. Rome Dolla
I’m having a hard time trying to decide on what to do about my boyfriend, well hopeful fiancé. We’ve been together for about two and a half years now, and I’m ready to make him mine. I mean we already live together and have a dog, but I’m ready to take that next step. I’m pretty sure he’s ready too. The only problem is my family isn’t supportive of us getting married.
It’s not that my family doesn’t support gay marriage, they just don’t like my boyfriend. In fact they can’t stand him. My mom and sister especially think he doesn’t pay for anything, and will hurt me again. He cheated on me a year ago once, but after time and a little counseling, we got back together. I’ve forgiven him, but my family is still salty about it.
Anyway, I’m grown and can do what I want, but I want my family to be okay with this engagement and eventual marriage. I just don’t know how to make this work. Any ideas?
-RJ Sims 92