Dating

I Like Him but I Hate the Old Underwear He Wears

Tavion,

Dude I was talking to has been pissed at me for about three days now. Here’s the thing, he’s a great guy that I’m falling for hard. He just has one flaw that I can see right now that drives me up the freakin wall. I hate the underwear he has because they are just so old. Let me be clear, they aren’t dirty underwear with skid marks and things. They are just old. They are fading and some of the elastic is damn near gone. I promise you I’ve seen a hole in a pair or two, which I guess is quick access for me. But the underwear being old is a bit of a turnoff. Then I see his body, and I’m like forget the draws.

Trying to rectify the problem and be honest, I asked him when is the last time he invested in underwear? I even suggested he let me buy him some, which is crazy because he has a good job and could buy his own. He got all offended and thought I was trying to embarrass him. I can’t believe something so stupid as fresh draws caused an issue.

I sent him text messages trying to explain where I was coming from and told him I wasn’t being shady, but I barely got a thumbs up emoji in reply. This is dumb because I don’t think we should be arguing over this, and I won’t apologize because I’m not sorry. What you think?

-Anti Old Draws

relationships

My Boyfriend Won’t Have Sex with Me and I Want to Bad

Man Tavion,

My boyfriend won’t have sex with me. We started dating back in July, and he still won’t let me top him. I knew he was celibate when we first started talking, but he said he was waiting until he got back into a relationship. I asked if he wanted to be official or whatever last week, and he still says he’s not ready for sex. Like what is a man to do? I have needs. We’ve talked about this, and my boyfriend said he still isn’t ready.  I feel like he’s holding out for the hell of it. Advice needed.

-I Wants It

relationships

I Love My Ex Who Was in Love with His Ex… Should I Take Him Back?

According to T,

I’m writing you about my problem, because my friends think I’m being an idiot. Hopefully you don’t think the same. The problem I’m having is I still love my ex. Quick backstory, we were only together for a little over a year, but toward the end of the relationship he started acting funny. I found out he was acting funny because his ex popped back up in his life and he realized he still had feelings for him. To be clear he didn’t cheat on me. He said he had feelings for both of us, but I wasn’t about to stick around while he was on the fence about who he wanted to be with, so I dipped.

Recently I ran into my ex at Starbucks, and he looked great. I mean, he was finer than I remember. Anyway, we talked for a little bit at Starbucks, then started texting later that night. He apologized for hurting me, and wishes he handled things between us differently. He says he and his ex weren’t meant to be and he’s completely over him, and he knew that shortly after we broke up. He didn’t call me because he thought I wouldn’t have answered the phone. And he’s right, because at that time I wouldn’t have answered the phone.

Now that some time has gone by, and we’ve cleared things up, I still feel drawn to him. I know he’s still feeling me, because he said he wants us to try again. My friends say I’d be an idiot to let him back in, but damn it I like him. What are your thoughts?

-Still Want Him

Dating

You May Like Him but Office Romances Are Usually a Bad Idea

Hi,

I’ve been speaking and emailing with a guy from our IT department. He’s awesome and thoughtful. Does not have a social media presence, go to the gym, have a sense of humor, likes the count on Sesame Street, works very hard and is very helpful to everyone. If things were not so complicated in my life right now I would definitely see where this could lead.

I must confess that I have been flirting with him and selfishly gave the impression that I am interested. He has now asked to meet over a “beverage” but has thoughtfully said that he’s happy to make a site visit at my work so that I can see if he’s someone I would like to have a “beverage” with (we have never met each other). I like him but I don’t want to hurt him. I would be keen to know what you think of him from what little information I have provided and any advice on what I should do.

-Xx Conflicted

Dating, friendship

He’s My Coworker’s Ex… Does that Mean He’s Off Limits?

Hey T,

Love the site. Your advice hits a whole different kind of way. Hoping I can get some of that good advice. See I’ve been seeing this man I really like for a month now. It hasn’t been that long but to say he’s got me thirsty is an understatement. The problem is I found out 2 days ago that he’s the ex of a new friend of mine. Well maybe friend is too strong of a word, let’s say coworker I’m cool with and we’ve been to happy hour once or twice in 3 months. Now my best friend said I owe this coworker at least a heads up if I’m not going to ask permission, but I don’t even want to give him that. I mean I only found out this guy was my coworker’s ex through a story the guy told and I put two and two together and asked this guy if he was talking about my coworker.

What do you think? Do I owe my coworker anything?

-Mr. Rome Dolla

Dating, relationships

I Want to Marry My Boyfriend but My Family Doesn’t Like Him

So T,

I’m having a hard time trying to decide on what to do about my boyfriend, well hopeful fiancé. We’ve been together for about two and a half years now, and I’m ready to make him mine. I mean we already live together and have a dog, but I’m ready to take that next step. I’m pretty sure he’s ready too. The only problem is my family isn’t supportive of us getting married.

It’s not that my family doesn’t support gay marriage, they just don’t like my boyfriend. In fact they can’t stand him. My mom and sister especially think he doesn’t pay for anything, and will hurt me again. He cheated on me a year ago once, but after time and a little counseling, we got back together. I’ve forgiven him, but my family is still salty about it.

Anyway, I’m grown and can do what I want, but I want my family to be okay with this engagement and eventual marriage. I just don’t know how to make this work. Any ideas?

-RJ Sims 92

Dating

This Man Is Calling Me Names during Sex and I Hate It

Tavion,

This man I’m seeing is amazing. He looks good, smells good, is smart, funny, and fine. I mean fine. Since he has all this going on and I’m so damn attracted to him, I thought when we had sex it would be some of the best I ever had. Unfortunately, when we had sex a couple of nights ago I was turned off by his mouth. It was filthy, and not in the good way.

I’m not sure who he’s had sex with in the past, but I don’t like being called out my name. He literally called me foul names during sex. He called me things like “my filthy slut” and “daddy’s b$tch boy.” I promise I wanted to punch him when he said it, but I just let it slide because I do like him. I’m supposed to go on a date with him in a few days when he gets back from visiting his family, and if we have sex again, I can’t have him talking to me like that. One of my best friends told me just to suck it up and let him say what he’s going to say so I don’t make sex boring for this guy. My friend things if I don’t put up with the names, some other man will. But I don’t want to feel disrespected. What would you do?

-Say My Name

Dating

I Really Like Him but I’m Not Sure I’m Ready for a Relationship

I love your honest raw well written post. Thank you. I am seeing a widower. It is very new and completely uncharted waters for both parties. This month is a year anniversary of her passing. I have stepped back and provided more space than ever, as I would want. She had been very ill and he very care-giving for several years prior. I am giving him space, boundaries (which I highly believe in anyway and have often called out men in past regarding lack of), and baby steps. Frankly I am not ready to be hurt nor to jump into anything. My ex bf I left years ago but he passed suddenly and too young just this past January. So essentially, it seems right.

I am not allowing intimacy and he is not pushing it, he is very respectful, yet I totally feel the intense connection and possibilities but I do have fear. More than any relationship – I have ever been concerned about. Why? Because I adore this man. I feel him. His intensity, the future possibilities. I have went thru relationships in the past and I was not fully vested, I know it and it was not fair to the partner. I was never mean or rude but still I knew it my heart, deep down, they were not the one. This one seems legitimately wonderful on so many levels and none have to do with him losing his wife in the manner he did. I am torn, very torn. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks so much.

-Josie

Dating, relationships

I Don’t Want to Meet My Boyfriend’s Parents… They’re Republican

T,

My boyfriend just doesn’t understand why I don’t want to meet his parents.  My boyfriend is white and grew up in a small town in Arkansas, and his mom and dad are republicans. Given all that’s going on and given he’s my first white boyfriend, I don’t want to meet his parents at this time. I get those are his parents and I’ll probably have to meet them, but I’m not there yet. We’ve been together for 6 months. I guess my question here is would you suck it up and meet the parents now? I mean my boyfriend is really riding my ass about this and not in a good way.

-Mr. Dark Knight 93

P.S. My boyfriend is definitely not a republican

relationships

My Boyfriend Is Upset because He Wants Marriage and I Don’t

Hi Tavion,

I’m running into a problem with my boyfriend. We aren’t having cheating problems or anything, but he wants marriage and I’m not sure that I do. He and I have been together for four years and I love him so much, but he keeps talking about how he wants to get married. I usually either dodge the topic of conversation when he brings it up, or say stuff like maybe one day.

A few nights we got into an argument because he asked me straight up if I envisioned us getting married or engaged in the next year, and I finally told him straight up I don’t know if marriage is for me. He wasn’t feeling that answer, because he said if we aren’t working toward marriage, then what are we doing? I’m committed to him and all, but I just don’t know if I want to marry him or anybody. Also, I don’t think it’s fair to be pressured into marriage just because my boyfriend wants it.

I’m not sure what to do here. Really don’t want my boyfriend to leave me over this. Your advice is appreciated.

-Not Ready for Marriage