I’m having a problem with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for four years, and we have a great relationship. I love him more today than ever, and he says the same. The issue is he won’t commit to marrying me. He told me that he doesn’t want to be with anyone else, but marriage is not something he’s ready to do. Like how does he not know if he’s ready to marry me after four years? I’ve been trying not to blow up at him too much because when we first started dating he said he wasn’t sure about marriage to anyone, but might be open to it. I get that. But damn, what is holding him back? Do you think I should press him on it? Or do you think I should give up on my dreams of marriage?
-Mr. Fed Up
I’m running into a problem with my boyfriend. We aren’t having cheating problems or anything, but he wants marriage and I’m not sure that I do. He and I have been together for four years and I love him so much, but he keeps talking about how he wants to get married. I usually either dodge the topic of conversation when he brings it up, or say stuff like maybe one day.
A few nights we got into an argument because he asked me straight up if I envisioned us getting married or engaged in the next year, and I finally told him straight up I don’t know if marriage is for me. He wasn’t feeling that answer, because he said if we aren’t working toward marriage, then what are we doing? I’m committed to him and all, but I just don’t know if I want to marry him or anybody. Also, I don’t think it’s fair to be pressured into marriage just because my boyfriend wants it.
I’m not sure what to do here. Really don’t want my boyfriend to leave me over this. Your advice is appreciated.
-Not Ready for Marriage
I have been with this guy for 2 years and we broke up. I was head over heels, I would have done anything for him. He didn’t have to say it but I knew he wouldn’t do the same or couldn’t. He had some demons he needed to take care of.
Well, we were broken up for about a month and we got back together. It’s been a few weeks and things are tremendously better. Everything has been so passionate and intimate, he shows so much affection, he never did before. He told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and he’s never said that to anyone ever.
The problem is, he wants me and him to hook up with other people together. He wants to have more experiences (he’s already had past experiences with ex-girlfriends). I expressed to him I’m not comfortable with it. Just thinking about him sleeping with other people hurts, watching him sleep with somebody else would just rip my heart out.
He doesn’t want to break up, at least not right now is what he says. Both of our personal lives have been going downhill and it’s like we lift each other up. But I know me not wanting him to sleep with other people is a deal-breaker. He wants to see if one of us will come around eventually but I think if we stay together the heartbreak will hurt even worse. Being with him has been so magical, I feel amazing, but I can’t keep this on the back burner until we start having problems or he gets bored with our sex life. Any advice?
I want to start by saying I really enjoy your site! I am in a situation where I have been talking to a guy for about 7 months now & things are going pretty well. The issue I’m having is that he is still communicating with a guy that really likes him. I found out on accident when my phone died and I used his phone to call his friend and I saw a bunch of missed phone calls and a few answered ones. What should I do?
Lost in the Middle
I’m going to try and be brief about this. Unlike all of my friends, I’m not in a relationship nor do I desire to be in one. I enjoy my independence, and like being able to be with whoever I want, no strings attached. But my friends just can’t accept I don’t want an official boo. I did the relationship thing, and I don’t miss it. This all brings me to my question. Is not wanting a relationship normal, and okay?
Thanks in advance,