relationships

My Ex Broke Up with Me without Any Explanation… How Do I Move On?

Hi T!
I just started following you on IG this morning, I am super fascinated in your website thus far and appreciate your insights and responses. I am hoping you can give me some encouraging words.

Recently, I was in a serious relationship (or so I believed/still believed) with a man since November. Long story, short he was a great guy and really treated me how I wanted. Right before the holidays his financial situation caused him to land on some hard times. I emotionally (not financially) supported him during this time. Once after the New Year he told me he was having some suicidal thoughts, but luckily did not follow through.

Fast forwarding, his job allowed him to travel across the country to make more money. I agreed to try long distance as he claimed he would be able to take time off once a month. A few weeks ago, he yelled at me for not telling him I had dinner with friends (both male and gay). I did tell him indeed. At the end of the conversation I tried to say ‘I love you’ and he brushed it to the side and hung up. I decided to take 2 days off and not speak to him to clear my mind, as there have been some instances where he has thrown these tantrums.

When I tried to call him he didn’t answer and a few days later I noticed he deleted some of his social apps and decided to block me. I called him one final time to try and resolve the issues, and after no response sent a text message saying I still love him and that I respect his wishes, wish him the best etc.

I am sorry for the long message, but this was my first real relationship and I guess I am looking for some type of closure from him. I feel like just dropping off out of nowhere with no explanation is just so disrespectful and he basically just smashed my heart. I’m not sure if his ‘on the road’ job has tempted him to interact with men he meets, if he just wants freedom or if there may be some underlying mental health issues.

I have come to the realization that I will not get to the bottom of what happened, so how do I move on and not feel like every man I meet in the future (in a serious capacity) won’t hurt me like he has? Do you have any suggestions on how to move on? Side note: I invested so much time and energy into this man and I was very faithful to him.

Thank you so much for any light or advice. Much love.
-Struggling Hopeless Romantic

relationships

Reclaiming My Ex… Or at Least I Think I Want To

Tavion,

This may be a short letter, but it’s a little complicated.  Or maybe not, I’m not sure yet.  Sorry if it seems like I’m rambling, but my mind is a little all over the place.  I admitted to myself a few days ago that I still love my ex-boyfriend, and I’m not what to do.  For starters, me and my ex broke up about a year and a half ago and we both moved on.  Well theoretically I guess.

He’s been dating this guy for about 4 months, and I’ve had my current boyfriend for about a year.  Because my ex and I share mutual friends, we see each other from time to time.  So we are in each other’s face. Long story short, over the past month we’ve been talking more frequently and I just miss him. I still love him. I haven’t told him that yet, and we haven’t been sleeping around behind our boyfriends’ back, but I want to. Sleep together, not necessarily cheat. And while I haven’t talked to my ex about getting back together, I think he may want me as bad as I want him. I don’t what to do here, so yeah, help.

-Dumb or Confused

Dating, relationships

When Should You Stop Seeking Closure from The Ex?

In one of those moments when my friends and I are were talking about any and everything, we began discussing relationships and closure.  We all agreed that should things go left in a relationship, and boos becomes exes, each person is entitled to closure. Each person deserves to know why and how things went left, if there is opportunity to reconcile, and certainty that remaining apart is the best option for both of them. However, not everyone will get closure when a relationship ends, and this brings me to the point of disagreement between my friends and myself.

relationships

How Do I Get Over My Cheating Ex?

Dear T,

I have a question I think you can help me with.  Or at least I’m hoping you can.  I’ve seen some of the advice you give other people, so I’m going to give this a shot.  It’s been a little over a month since my boyfriend and I have broken up, and I can’t seem to get over him. It still feels like I’ve been kicked in the stomach. I still miss the bastard.  See, my ex is someone I thought could be my husband one day.  What we had was real.  That’s what I thought until I found out he cheated on me.  He told me he hooked up with some random when he went out of town with his friends.  While I gave him credit for telling the truth, I couldn’t stay with someone that would do that to me.  I would have never done that to him.  The thing that really sucks, is that I can’t seem to move on.  I tried going on Jack’d and going to gay bars or whatever, but every time I think there is potential with someone, the person turns out to be a dud.  And plus, I can’t stop thinking about my ex. I’m a fool for still wanting him right? Anyway, simply put, how do I get over an ex?

-Alex Lovelong

relationships

My Boo is Besties with His Ex… I Hate It!

Hi T,

So my very new boyfriend is still friends with his ex. They broke up about a year ago due to the ex-boyfriend’s infidelity.  He insured me that they are “platonic friends” only, and although he was cheated on and took him back twice, that the guy is still a nice guy. And that after the break up, the ex was there for him (not sure if this is emotionally/financially/etc) and still considers him a friend.  Today he informs me that he believes that his ex bf is upset with him because he has turned down 2 requests to grab a bite to eat because of plans that we have had and the text exchange has been shorter than usual. According to my bf, they text 2-3 times a week. He did tell the ex that he was talking to someone, but has not yet updated him that he is now in a committed relationship.

I will say that I am totally uncomfortable with him remaining friends with the ex bf because he told me that he thinks that guy would still be sexual if my bf would allow it (meaning the guy still has feelings for him). I don’t have sexual desires for friends.  Trust has to play a part in this, but I’m starting to feel that he isn’t over his ex and perhaps it’s more when you feel the need to cater to your ex. Can it be that they are more than friends?  Any thoughts about this?

from,

Not Feeling Your Ex

relationships

Adele Has Me in My Feelings

Hi T,

Believe it or not, that new Adele song has had me thinking lately about my ex-boyfriend.  Despite the fact that we broke up 4 months ago, and we both have started dating other people, the song made me realize I still love him and didn’t get closure after the breakup.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to get back together with him or anything.  But I’m just saying.  Actually, I guess I don’t know what I’m saying.  Guess I’m asking you to help me make sense of my emotions.

From,

Hello 88