relationships

I Love My Boyfriend but Hate Our DL Relationship

T,

I now know why my friends told me not to date DL guy. I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost two years, and I love him like crazy, but I’m tired of being in the closet with him. When I want to go to gay spots like a bar or even a gay house party, he won’t go with me and tells me to go with my friends or tries to convince me I should stay in the house with him. If me and him go on dates in public, the restaurant can’t have romantic vibes and we can only sit at tables, not booths. We don’t take any pictures together, and the only person in my life he’s met is my best friend once and that was by accident. You probably think he has a wife or girlfriend, and I’m the side piece or some sh*t. But that’s not true and I know for a fact it’s just me.  He’s just so damn secretive about being gay.

My boyfriend has great qualities too. If I ever need anything, he’s always there. When I got laid off a while back, he covered my rent when I didn’t have it one month. When my dad was sick and I was stressed, he was very supportive. Even made sure I had meals in my apartment so I didn’t have to worry about cooking. Stuff like that is why I love him, and the sex is really good too. Wrapping this up, what should I do here? Do I tell my boyfriend to loosen up or I’m out?

-Secret Boo

relationships

My Boyfriend Has a Teenage Son and He Lied about It

Tavion,

I feel lied to and disgusted, and yet I’m still in love with my dumb ass boyfriend. We’ve been together for a little over a year and he’s told me about his two young kids. In fact, I’ve met the kids and they’re very sweet. The best part is the kids have the same mom, she’s remarried, and she and my boyfriend have a good coparenting relationship with no drama. I thought I hit the jackpot for a straight man over 35, but then he hit me with some news.

He tells me that he has a teenage son too. I’m mad because I don’t know why he’s kept this son a secret. He said him and the boy’s mom never got along, and the boy lives on the other side of the country, so he hasn’t seen him in years. When I asked why he’s just telling me now about his other son, he said it’s because the son’s mother is suing him for back child support.

I don’t know what to do. I’m a ride or die type of person, but I can’t stand a liar. But I also love his ass still. Should I try to make this relationship work?

-Miss Truly Blown

relationships

My Ex Wants Me Back but Is Still Seeing the Woman He Cheated With

Hi T,

I hope that you’ll be able to notice this. I just recently broke up with my ex and we’re in a long-distance. We’ve been together since 2017 & I just found out 3 weeks ago that for the whole duration of our relationship he’s been dating another woman. That’s why I saw your page & I’m here right now.

Your advice here helped me in a way to understand why my ex did it so I forgave him. But couple of days ago I saw that he’s currently with the other girl, so I ended our relationship for good and I blocked him everywhere. Now that I’m trying to heal & be happy, he’s able to find a way to reach out to me, he said that I’m the one that he loves and our issue is the distance. He said that I’m the one he keeps thinking about and he wanted to be with me and closing the gap between us is the answer to our problem. But it doesn’t make any sense to me cause he doesn’t wanna let her go until we’re together physically (crazy right?!).

He’s basically cheating on both me & the other woman. He also asked that if his feelings aren’t real then why is he even trying to get me back at all? Cause in the first place, it’s really easy to just ghost someone especially in a long distance & we haven’t seen each other for about 1 yr & 9 months cause of pandemic. That’s why I need your help or opinion 🥺. I know that you don’t advise anyone to just move on or something but my heart wanted to try & make this relationship work, and my mind is telling me to just move on and it’s driving me crazy.

-R

relationships

My Boyfriend Has Slept with All His Guy Friends

T,

I recently started dating someone last year and we are thinking about taking our relationship to the next step and moving in together. My partner has had a very sexual past and he’s slept with just about every male friend he has had for the sake of just sexual pleasure. He assures me he is a changed person and no longer wants anything to do with any of that and I believe him. However, I have not met these friends and I know I eventually will because some of them are his best friends. Now, I am not a person who puts a huge amount of importance on sex, I know everyone has a past, however, a big part of me is upset that I can’t even have this intimacy of sex between us because I know all of his male friends have had a piece of him already and if put in a position where I’d have to meet these people, I’d feel like a clown. How do I approach this? It’s really having me second guess our relationship.

-Reluctant Rez

relationships

I Just Found out He Slept with His Best Friend and I’m Crushed

Me and my ex are rekindling things again and it felt great and things were going really well, but one of our mutual friends let slip that my ex (paddy) has slept with his best friend who is a girl, and they’re still best friends now. This supposedly happened pre me and he says they were very drunk and that he actually regrets most of what happened that night, however, I can’t help but feel physically sick every time I think about it and the fact that he’s always said his body count is lower than I now believe it to be. This has set me back a lot in how well things were going and he even admitted that him and her spoke about it the other day so he’s been thinking about it, I can’t help but panic that he’s been thinking about it all through our relationship and would rather it was her there than being with me, I’m talking about him tonight but I feel very hurt and don’t see a way through this right now, any advice would be appreciated greatly thank you!

-Lily

relationships

He Said He Won’t Marry Me Until I Satisfy Him in Bed

Dear Tavion,

I’ve been dating a divorced man with erectile dysfunction for over 2 years. His ex lives down the street and is now dating a woman. He made her wait 6 years for marriage and said he only proposed when she started “putting out” on the regular. He used to be young, healthy, and virile with her. Now he is a middle-aged man with high cholesterol and ED. Despite his inability to perform sexually, he demands that I please him in bed. He needs a ton of stimulation to get aroused despite taking daily Cialis. Because I see his ex on the regular, I resent her for stealing his good boner years. I’m at a crossroads now where I think it’s best I leave him. He doesn’t want to propose unless I satisfy him sexually, but his boner doesn’t work anymore and he has a low sex drive in his 40s. I think using sex as the barometer for getting married is dumb, but I’m just a woman. What do you think?

-Annabelle

relationships

He Cheated with His Best Friend But Hasn’t Ended the Friendship

Hi Tavion,

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly a decade and last year I found out that he cheated on me with his “best” female friend. Needless to say, I was devastated, especially because I had become cool with her over the course of our relationship. Double betrayal much? I decided to give the relationship one last shot, but he needed to completely cut that friend off.

Now, 6 months later he is still talking to the friend even though it’s cordial, and I have an issue with that. The friend has apologized to me woman to woman, but I still just don’t want them to be friends. We have several mutual friends who of course don’t know what happened. I am not sure if it is me being insecure, still hurt over the situation, or just a b*tch, but I can’t understand why he can’t just cut her off. Do you think since I forgave my boyfriend and am working past the situation with him that I should do the same for her?

Rose

Dating, friendship

I Like Older Men and My Friends Constantly Clown Me for It

Tavion,

I’m sick of my so-called friends getting on my case about who I date. They’re always cracking jokes about the fact most of the men I date are older than me. See I’m 23, but most of the guys I mess with or whatever are at least 40. They don’t get the attraction, but guys my age have that immature mentality, and I don’t have time. I’ve told my friends my reasoning several times, but they won’t ease up. The jokes didn’t bother me that much before, but now I’m sick of them saying sh&t like I like raisin balls. It’s petty and stupid. How would you get them to stop? What would you do if you were me?

-I Like Real Daddies

Dating

He’s Flirting with Me on Social Media, But Does He Like Me?

Hi Tavion,

How do you know if someone really is feeling you or not? I’ve been flirting with this guy on Twitter for about 2 months now, and that flirting hasn’t gone anywhere. I mean we haven’t exchanged numbers and haven’t gone on a date. Nothing. But he’s always liking my posts, and he always responding to my DMs. I want to ask him what’s up, but I don’t want to put myself out there like that. So knowing that, how do I figure out if he likes me?

-Twitter Fingers

friendship

We Were into the Same Guy and that Ruined Our Friendship

 Hi T,

I’m a long time fan and I need some advice. A relationship with a friend of mine that I love so much is damned near dead. I call this man my brother. Two years ago we used to live together and there was this guy that he was “dealing” with. Unbeknown to me I was messaging my friend’s “guy” on a dating app. I didn’t know him, he didn’t know me. This guy, nor myself, had no picture shown; I had only seen a d!<% pic of him in private messages, and my location was blurred at that time on the app so I never knew when he would be in the house.

On top of that my friend and I would make sure we never saw who the other was dealing with in the house by making sure we stayed in our rooms when company was entering and leaving the home. I did not know until the “guy” asked me did I live on a certain street on the app. Initially I thought to myself “who is this n!&&@ tryna play me”. But then I thought about it and thought that this may be my friend’s “guy”. Absentmindedly, I messaged the “guy” saying that I do live where he asked and that I thought he may have just chilled with my roommate. As soon as I sent the message I blocked him in an attempt for the “guy” to not get that message. I felt that if I was going to ask that question it should be to my friend and not to a person he may or may not have been dealing with.

I then went to my roommate/friend and asked him if the guy I had been talking to was the man he was dealing with. He said yes. My former roommate and I then came up with a game plan for us not to run into the same men online and we moved forward, or so I thought. About a week later my friend texts me and states that he got a different story about how everything happened and that him and I “had problems now”. I was confused. I later found out that the message I had attempted to block from being sent did in fact go through and that the “guy” responded. My friend/roommate was livid with me. I tried explaining what happened but he never believed me. The situation was so bad that I ended up moving out earlier than anticipated because of the tension in the house.

Well…eventually we got through it. We started hanging out again but my friend now has a boundary and perception of me that I believe is unfair. He will not allow me to be in the company of any of his friends or family members because he believes that I have the capability of sleeping with his love interests or causing unnecessary drama within his circle. He has stated that there were certain points in this “guy’s” and mine interaction that should have been cut off sooner being his friend. I think it’s f#< up because I never have or would sleep with a friend’s love interest. I also think this isn’t right because I was speaking to a nameless, faceless profile. Again, I never knew who this person was until they approached me about my location. I feel like I’m being judged off of a situation that anybody gay living with another gay person could have slipped into due to technology and not having boundaries around it.

My question is this: how do I continue a friendship with someone having these perceptions of me? Should I just go? I really don’t want to leave this friend behind but it’s difficult knowing that someone you call a friend, a brother, believes that you are a slut who is capable of betrayal. Please help.

– The Friend He Thinks Is a Slut