Dating, relationships

My Selfish Boyfriend Wants Me to Move with Him or Break Up

Dear Tavion,

My relationship is about to be over if my boyfriend doesn’t stop being a selfish a$$hole. Here’s what happened. He got offered a promotion at work that would take him to Austin, Texas, but we currently live in Charlotte. I have my own spot and he has his, but we’re both here. He’s all excited about the job and accepted the offer, without really thinking about my thoughts on it. I don’t want to move to Austin, and he knows that. To top it off, he claims to love me but says if I love him that I’d consider moving to Texas because I know he doesn’t like long-distance relationships. That statement right there really pissed me off, and we got into a blow up. I do love him, but I don’t like feeling I’m being forced to do something I don’t want to do. I feel like he’s forgetting I have a life outside of him. What do you think T?

-Static 94

Dating

I’m Technically Single but He’s Mad I’m Dating Other People

Tavion,

I have a question for you because I’m trying to see if I’m in the wrong or if this guy I’m talking to is just doing the most. Long story short, we’ve been dating for literally one month and he got pissed at me because he found out I was talking to someone else. He randomly asked me two nights ago, and I just told him. I like him the most so far and could see myself being in a relationship with him someday in the future, but the other man is someone I enjoy talking to. Since I’m not in a committed relationship with either one at the moment, I don’t see the problem with dating them both, or more. I’m single.

I apologized to him for hurting his feelings, but he was still upset. Before you ask me, I wouldn’t be mad if I found out he was talking to other people, because we aren’t official.

So am I right to feel the way I do?

-We Grown

Dating

I’m Dating My Ex’s Friend and He Accused Me of Being Foul

Dear Tavion,

I came across your site and saw you give advice, which is good because I could use some. I’ve been talking to this guy Jay for months now. I really like him. I mean really like him. I won’t lie, I could see myself marrying him one day. The problem I’m having has nothing to do with him, but more so my ex.

I broke up with my ex about a year and a half ago after I found out he was doing some creep shit. I haven’t seen or heard from him since, and unfollowed him on social media and everything. Again, we had no communication until a week ago, when I got a DM from him calling me foul for dating one of his friends. I didn’t know what he was talking about, so I asked him. He said he saw me in Jay’s IG story for a WCW shoutout.

When I asked how he even knew Jay, he said they were friends in college. I promise you, the whole time me and ex were together he didn’t mention Jay once. I asked when was the last time they spoke, he said it had been a minute, but they were still good. He kept going that if the roles were reversed and he was dating one of my friends, I’d be salty. That’s true, but again, I don’t think Jay and ex are even good friends, or even close. Pretty positive my ex is just starting sh*t. What do you think? Even if I’m wrong in this, I’m not giving up Jay.

Just an FYI, when Jay and I talked about it, he said he hadn’t heard from ex in like 2 years and didn’t know I used to be with my ex. Jay also told me he thinks the situation is weird, but he doesn’t want to just stop talking to me.

What are your thoughts?

I Call BS

relationships

He Said He Won’t Marry Me Until I Satisfy Him in Bed

Dear Tavion,

I’ve been dating a divorced man with erectile dysfunction for over 2 years. His ex lives down the street and is now dating a woman. He made her wait 6 years for marriage and said he only proposed when she started “putting out” on the regular. He used to be young, healthy, and virile with her. Now he is a middle-aged man with high cholesterol and ED. Despite his inability to perform sexually, he demands that I please him in bed. He needs a ton of stimulation to get aroused despite taking daily Cialis. Because I see his ex on the regular, I resent her for stealing his good boner years. I’m at a crossroads now where I think it’s best I leave him. He doesn’t want to propose unless I satisfy him sexually, but his boner doesn’t work anymore and he has a low sex drive in his 40s. I think using sex as the barometer for getting married is dumb, but I’m just a woman. What do you think?

-Annabelle

relationships

He Cheated with His Best Friend But Hasn’t Ended the Friendship

Hi Tavion,

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly a decade and last year I found out that he cheated on me with his “best” female friend. Needless to say, I was devastated, especially because I had become cool with her over the course of our relationship. Double betrayal much? I decided to give the relationship one last shot, but he needed to completely cut that friend off.

Now, 6 months later he is still talking to the friend even though it’s cordial, and I have an issue with that. The friend has apologized to me woman to woman, but I still just don’t want them to be friends. We have several mutual friends who of course don’t know what happened. I am not sure if it is me being insecure, still hurt over the situation, or just a b*tch, but I can’t understand why he can’t just cut her off. Do you think since I forgave my boyfriend and am working past the situation with him that I should do the same for her?

Rose

friendship

I Love My Best Friend but Not Her Homophobic Fiancé

Tavion,

I can’t stand my best friend’s trifling ass boyfriend, well now fiancé. There are a few things that piss me off about him. First, he acts real funny around me like I have the plague, and I’m pretty sure it’s because he’s homophobic. Me and best friend could be talking and laughing like we usually do in front of him, and he just has this resting b&tch face and stares. Now when we do see each other, he will dap me up or whatever, but it’s always awkward.

The second reason I don’t like him is because him and my best friend live together, but she pays most of the bills. I mean he does work, but he works at the UPS store and she has a good government job. They aren’t equally yoked.

The last reason I don’t like him is since they’ve been together, she just doesn’t have fun with me like she used to. Yeah we still laugh and talk on occasion, but we don’t go out. And when we do, it seems like she’s always rushing home to him.

My question is, am I crazy for feeling the way I do? And If not, how do I get my friend back?

-The Real Rider

relationships

He Cheated but I Still Love Him. Am I Stupid for Wanting Him Back?

T,

I recently found out my long-distance boyfriend was cheating on me for 3 months. We’ve known each other for 5 years, got into a relationship a year and a half ago, and a couple weeks ago the other girl ended up getting in contact with me while he was spending winter break here.

Now he’s taking time to work on himself (or so he’s told me) and is staying away from relationships altogether. I’m really having a hard time processing everything, especially because he promised this would never be something I’d ever have to experience. He was cheated on in his prior relationship, and I took that as a sign he would never want me to experience that pain. The worst part is that I still love him, but he’s fallen out of love with me.

I want to believe we could work things out, that we could start over in the future, try again when we’re both in a better place. We met each other at a really bad time in our lives, and both of us have some things we need to work on mentally/emotionally. This was my first real relationship, and I don’t want to let it go. I’ve never experienced love like this, and I’m truly devastated and heartbroken over all of it. But even though I’m hurting, I can’t help but want him back. I just want to know, am I stupid for holding out hope?

-Jas

relationships

I Love My Ex Who Was in Love with His Ex… Should I Take Him Back?

According to T,

I’m writing you about my problem, because my friends think I’m being an idiot. Hopefully you don’t think the same. The problem I’m having is I still love my ex. Quick backstory, we were only together for a little over a year, but toward the end of the relationship he started acting funny. I found out he was acting funny because his ex popped back up in his life and he realized he still had feelings for him. To be clear he didn’t cheat on me. He said he had feelings for both of us, but I wasn’t about to stick around while he was on the fence about who he wanted to be with, so I dipped.

Recently I ran into my ex at Starbucks, and he looked great. I mean, he was finer than I remember. Anyway, we talked for a little bit at Starbucks, then started texting later that night. He apologized for hurting me, and wishes he handled things between us differently. He says he and his ex weren’t meant to be and he’s completely over him, and he knew that shortly after we broke up. He didn’t call me because he thought I wouldn’t have answered the phone. And he’s right, because at that time I wouldn’t have answered the phone.

Now that some time has gone by, and we’ve cleared things up, I still feel drawn to him. I know he’s still feeling me, because he said he wants us to try again. My friends say I’d be an idiot to let him back in, but damn it I like him. What are your thoughts?

-Still Want Him

friendship

My Friend Slept with My Coworker and Now I’m Paying the Price

Tavion,

I’m in a terrible position and it’s one of my best friend’s fault. About two months ago my coworker invited me out to brunch. Since he was going to be the only person that I knew, he said I could invite a plus one, so I hit up my friend. I guess that was my mistake.

At brunch my coworker and friend were vibing, and after some mimosas and strong drinks, they started flirting heavy. I tried to block because I know how my friend is, and I didn’t want him pumping and dumping my coworker. Who wants that drama at work? My friend swore it wasn’t like that, and that he liked my coworker so I got out the way. Here I am two months later, and my coworker is pissed at me because he feels my friend ain’t sh*t. I mean my friend slept with my coworker more than once, but my friend kept misleading this guy into believing they were about to be coupled up. Which was not the case.  I mean my friend pretty much ghosted him.

Long story short, I’m mad at my friend, my coworker is mad at me, and I shouldn’t even be in the middle of this. What should I do here to fix things?

Thanks,

Mr. Damn Pissed

Dating

I Really Like Him but I’m Not Sure I’m Ready for a Relationship

I love your honest raw well written post. Thank you. I am seeing a widower. It is very new and completely uncharted waters for both parties. This month is a year anniversary of her passing. I have stepped back and provided more space than ever, as I would want. She had been very ill and he very care-giving for several years prior. I am giving him space, boundaries (which I highly believe in anyway and have often called out men in past regarding lack of), and baby steps. Frankly I am not ready to be hurt nor to jump into anything. My ex bf I left years ago but he passed suddenly and too young just this past January. So essentially, it seems right.

I am not allowing intimacy and he is not pushing it, he is very respectful, yet I totally feel the intense connection and possibilities but I do have fear. More than any relationship – I have ever been concerned about. Why? Because I adore this man. I feel him. His intensity, the future possibilities. I have went thru relationships in the past and I was not fully vested, I know it and it was not fair to the partner. I was never mean or rude but still I knew it my heart, deep down, they were not the one. This one seems legitimately wonderful on so many levels and none have to do with him losing his wife in the manner he did. I am torn, very torn. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks so much.

-Josie