Dating, friendship

I Told My Friend I Don’t Like Him Like that and He Ghosted Me

friend ghosted me

Dear T,

I’m in a sticky situation with my friend of over 6 years. I thought we were real cool. We went out to happy hours, house kickbacks, and even church. He’s met some of my family, and I’ve been to his family’s home for cookouts. I broke up with my ex a month ago, and two weeks ago my friend tells me that he has feelings for me. He wants us to be in a relationship. I wasn’t expecting that at all. Especially because I don’t like him in that way.

When I told him that I just want us to stay friends, he didn’t take the news well and ghosted me. He won’t answer my calls or texts, and he’s blocked me on all social media. I want my friend back. It’s like I’m being punished for my feelings. What do I do?

-I Don’t Want Him

Dear I Don’t Want Him,

Thanks for writing to me. I’m sorry to hear your friend has iced you out at the moment. I understand a good friend is hard to come by. So, when one ghosts you for “no reason” it feels like a gut punch.  However, the situation here is not about anything you necessarily did, but more so about how your friend feels.

I’m going to keep this brief because there’s not much you can do. Your friend is more than likely feeling both embarrassed and angry. He’s embarrassed because he put himself out there with you. It can be hard to be vulnerable enough to tell someone that you like them just for them to tell you those feelings aren’t reciprocated. He probably thinks he put himself on front street for nothing, and wishes he can take that confession back. But your friend can’t, and is feeling too exposed to interact with you.

Now your pal is probably also angry because, in his mind, you should like him romantically. Those times you two spent at “happy hours, house kickbacks, and even church,” and moments you shared with his family, he assumed were building blocks for more than just friendship. Especially, if there was any kind of flirtatious component to your relationship. Let me be clear, I don’t think he should have assumed romance from those shared experiences (heck I’ve done all those things with friends and romance wasn’t anywhere in the picture). But, I can kind of see how he could become confused if again, there was a flirtatious vibe in your friendship.

Allow me to add this last point. Because you’ve made it clear that you aren’t attracted to your friend, he could honestly use this separation from you to readjust how he sees you. He needs time to process that any idea of you two dating isn’t going to happen. Either he’ll take this time apart to check his feelings and emotionally mature to open a door to you again, or he’ll continue ghosting you because he can’t have you. Negating six-plus years of friendship.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. I just have one suggestion. Give him the space. If he doesn’t come back around, then that’s on him. Not you.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

(IG: accordingtot, Twitter: _accordingtot_ )

And hey folks, make sure you check out the all-new season of Majoring in Me the Podcast. It’s a scripted show about a Black boy in college trying to awkwardly navigate his way through adulthood.

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