relationships

I Cheated with a Coworker, Now My Boyfriend Wants Me to Quit My Job

cheated with a worker

Tavion,

I screwed up bad. I cheated on my boyfriend of two years with my coworker. It wasn’t like an ongoing thing, but  one night after coworker and I went to happy hour. When I told my boyfriend about it, he was pissed. He even broke up with me for a minute. A few weeks ago though, he decided to give us another chance. We are trying to work on us, but now he’s demanding I quit my job. He doesn’t want me around coworker, which I get. However, I like my job. If I love my boyfriend but really like my job what do I do?

-I Blew It

Dear I Blew It,

Thanks for writing to me. I can’t lie, you’ve found yourself in quite the dilemma. It’s never an easy decision when you have to choose between your career and your relationship. In your case, I’m sure the choice is further complicated by the fact that your relationship is on shaky ground, so choosing your boyfriend isn’t even a guarantee you two will stay together. Now while I won’t make this hard decision for you, I will give you a few things to think about.

I once read a quote that said:

Love is not possible without sacrifice, and sacrifice is not possible without love.

There will be times over the course of a relationship when partners will find themselves making sacrifices. And these sacrifices can be as small as partners watching movies every now and then they find boring to bring a smile to bae’s face. Or as big as folks moving across the country to be with their boo. Whether small or big, these partners make these sacrifices because they feel the love is worth it, and yet wouldn’t be able to do so if they didn’t have love in the first place.

I share that with you because you need to decide if leaving your current job is something you’d leave because your relationship is worth it. Additionally, you must determine if this kind of sacrifice is something you’d do out of love or guilt. Do you love him and want to help make him comfortable with a clean slate? Or are you motivated to quit because you want to do something to ease your guilty conscience?

You also need to make sure your boyfriend is really willing to give you two another chance. I’ve seen several relationships where one person cheats, and while the other person may claim forgiveness, the hurt person continuously weaponizes the cheating. This weaponization turns into manipulation, and no one in the relationship ends up happy. One individual grows tired of being made to feel guilty, and another grows miserable realizing no matter how much time has gone by and how many sorries are said, they can’t move past the cheating.

And with that said, let me be clear. I think your boyfriend has every right to be upset with what you did, and to be uncomfortable that you’re constantly around the guy you cheated with. It takes most people time to heal from that kind of hurt, and most will never be comfortable with their boyfriend being around the side-chick (or side-d&ck in this case). In short, your boyfriend isn’t necessarily wrong for asking you to leave your job so he can feel better in the relationship.

Suggestions going forward

  1. Have a conversation with your boyfriend and ask him if he can really see a future for you two? One where there is forgiveness, rebuilding of trust, and love.

 

  1. Try looking up comparable jobs in your industry. I know you love your current position, but there could be a better one out there for you with more money and even better coworkers.

 

  1. If you decide to leave your job, be as sure as you can that this is a sacrifice you won’t regret, and one you won’t actually resent your boyfriend for later.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

(IG: accordingtot, Twitter: _accordingtot_ )

By the way, make sure you check out Season 2 of Majoring in Me the Podcast. Season 3 is dropping soon!

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