relationships

My Ex Wants Me Back but Is Still Seeing the Woman He Cheated With

my ex wants me back

Hi T,

I hope that you’ll be able to notice this. I just recently broke up with my ex and we’re in a long-distance. We’ve been together since 2017 & I just found out 3 weeks ago that for the whole duration of our relationship he’s been dating another woman. That’s why I saw your page & I’m here right now.

Your advice here helped me in a way to understand why my ex did it so I forgave him. But couple of days ago I saw that he’s currently with the other girl, so I ended our relationship for good and I blocked him everywhere. Now that I’m trying to heal & be happy, he’s able to find a way to reach out to me, he said that I’m the one that he loves and our issue is the distance. He said that I’m the one he keeps thinking about and he wanted to be with me and closing the gap between us is the answer to our problem. But it doesn’t make any sense to me cause he doesn’t wanna let her go until we’re together physically (crazy right?!).

He’s basically cheating on both me & the other woman. He also asked that if his feelings aren’t real then why is he even trying to get me back at all? Cause in the first place, it’s really easy to just ghost someone especially in a long distance & we haven’t seen each other for about 1 yr & 9 months cause of pandemic. That’s why I need your help or opinion 🥺. I know that you don’t advise anyone to just move on or something but my heart wanted to try & make this relationship work, and my mind is telling me to just move on and it’s driving me crazy.

-R

Dear R,

Thanks for writing to me. While I appreciate you seeking my advice and I’m eager to answer your question, I first want to make one thing clear. I’m not one to advocate for a person stay in a relationship with an individual that’s cheated on them. However, I simply recognize that cheating is not everyone’s breaking point depending on the circumstances. For example, some people will stay in a relationship and work past a lone instance of infidelity. And in cases like that, I support a person in making that decision. But I would never tell someone to stay in a romantic situation where they are constantly being cheated on and disrespected by their partner. I strongly believe people should pursue situations that bring about more peace, love, and joy, not consistent disloyalty, heartache, and confusion.

Now as far as your dilemma, it sounds like you already know what to do here. This man was in a whole relationship with someone else while in a relationship with you. And to make matters worse, he wants to get back together with you, but he’s still dating this mystery woman. I understand that there are good times with your ex you probably miss. And I get that you two were together for nearly four years, so you two have history. But sometimes you have to really think about what’s best for your sanity. Additionally, think about what joy and love you’re preventing from coming into your life by hanging onto a situation you’re basically describing as unhealthy.

Lastly, given all that has happened between you and your ex, he doesn’t get some type of “good guy points” for not ghosting you after you dumped him. As a matter of fact, after all he’s done, the least he could do is ghost you. Ghost you to give you time to think, heal, and move on in life. So don’t allow him to make you feel as if he’s doing you some kind of favor.  That’s quite manipulative of him.

Suggestions going forward

  1. Again, I can never tell another person when to leave a relationship (unless there is physical or emotional abuse). However, if you know in your heart of hearts that your ex can’t be the boyfriend you deserve, then you are free to leave him alone.

 

  1. If you decided to again stop talking to your ex, don’t allow him to guilt-trip you about your decision.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

(IG: accordingtot, Twitter: _accordingtot_ )

By the way, make sure you check out Season 2 of Majoring in Me the Podcast. Tristan is still Black. Still gay. And adulting is still kicking his ass.

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