The Lifestyle

He Won’t Introduce Me to His Children. Should I Be Upset?

his children

Hi T

I have been dating my guy for 7 months now. He has been divorced for about 2 years (same for me). He hasn’t introduced me to his 3 adult kids – all over 18. I brought it up and he said he was very nervous and wasn’t sure of his kids reacting. He’s a good man yet sensitive and with no backbone. This really bothers me as he has met everyone on my side (I have no kids) but he has met my entire family. How long should I wait and should I walk away should he wouldn’t introduce me? Thanks so much.

-Lizzie

Dear Lizzie,

Thanks for writing to me. Since you jumped right into your question, let me go ahead and jump right into my answer. Relationships are complicated, and when you throw children in the mix, the level of difficulty becomes even more complex. When you’re dating a person with kids, you not only have to consider them as a partner but them as a parent too. Knowing that the latter role always comes first.

His concerns about his children’s feelings are probably valid. Yes, the kids aren’t technically kids because they are over 18, but they are still his children. And if he’s nervous about how they’ll react, perhaps there is something about his relationship with them that he hasn’t shared with you. For example, maybe he and his children didn’t have a great relationship when they were growing up, but they are finally in a decent place. He may not want to rock the boat.

Or the flip side, this guy may be nervous his kids might scare you off. His children could be judgmental and extremely hard to deal with, and he’s protecting you and his relationship. It’s possible his children have managed to scare a woman off before he started dating you, and he’d rather that not happen to you.

With all that said, I know you may be thinking these sound like excuses. And to your point, you’re right to an extent. But, because these are his children and he knows them, he’s entitled to have the excuses that I mentioned.  However, if you two are in a relationship, you’re entitled to ask him for more clarity about his reservations on you meeting the kids. He can provide you with more insight to help you understand.

Suggestions going forward

  1. While I know you said you introduced this man to your family, you did so because you were ready. You have to be willing for him to reach that same space where he’s ready. Just ask him more about his reasons for wanting to wait.

 

  1. Now I didn’t mention it before, but if this guy has closed off other parts of his life to you including his children, then that’s a different conversation. To me, that would signify he’s not ready to be in a serious committed relationship again. But again, that’s only a conversation if he has dropped other hints.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

(IG: accordingtot, Twitter: _accordingtot_ )

By the way, make sure you check out Season 2 of Majoring in Me the Podcast. Tristan is still Black. Still gay. And adulting is still kicking his ass.

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