Dating

I’m Dating My Ex’s Friend and He Accused Me of Being Foul

dating ex's friend

Dear Tavion,

I came across your site and saw you give advice, which is good because I could use some. I’ve been talking to this guy Jay for months now. I really like him. I mean really like him. I won’t lie, I could see myself marrying him one day. The problem I’m having has nothing to do with him, but more so my ex.

I broke up with my ex about a year and a half ago after I found out he was doing some creep shit. I haven’t seen or heard from him since, and unfollowed him on social media and everything. Again, we had no communication until a week ago, when I got a DM from him calling me foul for dating one of his friends. I didn’t know what he was talking about, so I asked him. He said he saw me in Jay’s IG story for a WCW shoutout.

When I asked how he even knew Jay, he said they were friends in college. I promise you, the whole time me and ex were together he didn’t mention Jay once. I asked when was the last time they spoke, he said it had been a minute, but they were still good. He kept going that if the roles were reversed and he was dating one of my friends, I’d be salty. That’s true, but again, I don’t think Jay and ex are even good friends, or even close. Pretty positive my ex is just starting sh*t. What do you think? Even if I’m wrong in this, I’m not giving up Jay.

Just an FYI, when Jay and I talked about it, he said he hadn’t heard from ex in like 2 years and didn’t know I used to be with my ex. Jay also told me he thinks the situation is weird, but he doesn’t want to just stop talking to me.

What are your thoughts?

I Call BS

Dear I Call BS,

Thanks for writing to me. While I definitely appreciate you taking the time out to ask me for advice, your dilemma really isn’t a dilemma. So yes, your ex-boyfriend reached out to you and accused you of being foul for dating his “friend”. However, you basically said your ex’s opinion isn’t going to stop you from seeing Jay, and Jay feels the same way. If your ex isn’t a factor in how you proceed romantically with this new guy, then who cares what the ex thinks?

It sounds like you took your ex’s bait. If I had to guess, he cares less about the fact that you moved on with Jay, and more about the fact you just moved on. Although he may have done some “creep sh*t”, you’re the one that left him. In short, he’s jealous and probably wants that old thing back (not that you’re old). But again, who cares?

Look, had you known that Jay was a friend of your ex’s, or Jay knew you were the ex’s old boo, then perhaps I would see where you could be messy in this situation. But based on what you told me, I say focus on your future with Jay instead of your past.

Suggestions going forward

  1. Again, concentrate on your new man and stop giving energy to your ex’s concerns.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

(IG: accordingtot, Twitter: _accordingtot_ )

By the way, make sure you check out Season 2 of Majoring in Me the Podcast. Tristan is still Black. Still gay. And adulting is still kicking his ass.

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