I’m writing you because I need help dealing with my boyfriend’s friend. I originally had no freaking clue why my bf’s friend didn’t like me. Every time I came around the friend he acted like I killed his damn dog or something. I’ve always been super nice to him and friendly, but he’s short with me and treats me like I don’t belong. I asked my bf what the deal is, and he said his friend just takes time to warm up to people. But I called bullsh*t. I told my boyfriend it seemed like his friend was jealous of me. That’s when he confessed that his friend liked him when they initially met 5 years ago, but his friend got over it. I said the friend is lying about being over it, but that made my boyfriend upset because he thinks I’m making something out of nothing. What do you think about all this?
-They Ain’t Friends
Dear They Ain’t Friends,
Thanks for writing to me. Theoretically speaking, when we decide to date someone, we are just dating that person. We aren’t dating the sister, the first cousin, or best friend. However, many people’s dating reality doesn’t match this theory. In fact, most folks date an individual and find themselves not only trying to impress the person they’re interested in, but family members and bffs as well. While it’s not necessary to have a love interest’s family and friends like you, when you have the support of a boo’s support system, it makes a relationship a lot easier. So I get why you initially wanted your boyfriend’s bestie to like you.
However, you said this friend initially liked your man romantically. If the bff is indeed jealous that you’re with your boyfriend and he’s not, there’s not a lot you can do to make this guy like you. You’re probably a threat in his mind and delaying what he thinks should happen, him with your man. As long as he’s not actively chasing after your boo or disrespecting you or your relationship, you may just have to deal with the guy’s side-eyes, short conversations, and moments of awkwardness. It’s nice to have your man’s bestie’s approval, but it’s not required in order for your relationship to thrive.
Suggestions going forward
- For your own peace of mind, I would encourage you to lightly confirm with your boyfriend that he has no romantic feelings for his bestie, and the bestie never acted on his romantic feelings. Once you have that confirmation, it should be easier for you to deal with your boyfriend being friends with a person that wants him and strongly dislikes you.
- Now if this friend becomes disrespectful at any point, talk to your boyfriend about it so he can check the friend.
- Remember, it’s nice to have your relationship supported by your man’s inner circle, but it’s not required. Be prepared to accept that fact.
As always nothing but love,