My friends say I’m being stupid, and I need you tell me if they are right. I’ve been single for a minute, but been talking to this great guy for only 8 weeks. He’s sexy nerd type with body, quirky personality, and we click in our conversations. I like him. There have been a few times where we have talked on the phone for like two hours straight. The problem I’m having is that lately he’s been calling me bae, and been pretty much asking for confirmation we’re in a relationship. I can’t stand it.
It’s only been 8 weeks, and I feel like he’s trying to trap me in a relationship. The bae thing was already putting me off, but trying to pressure me for this boyfriend title is not cute. Why can’t we date and naturally get there? It’s not like I’m dating other folks, but he doesn’t get why I’m hesitant on the whole boyfriend thing.
Two of my best friends say I’m the one that’s weird, because if we like each other and I’m dating only him and vice versa, they don’t get why I’m putting on the breaks. But I take relationships seriously and don’t want to be hopping in and out of them because I rushed things.
What do you think?
-Slow and Steady
Dear Slow and Steady,
Thanks for writing to me. I’m just going to start this off by saying you’re not weird. Only you know when you’re prepared to enter a relationship. No matter how much you like a person and find him attractive, if you aren’t ready to commit, you aren’t ready to commit.
Now keep in mind, this guy you like isn’t weird either. I get that it’s “only” been eight weeks since you’ve been dating this man, but if he feels this connection with you that makes him want to commit, don’t dismiss him as too eager. Just like you know when you’re ready for a relationship, he knows the same. And if he wants you, and is certain of that, you should consider taking that as a big compliment.
Having said all that, you’re probably thinking “he wants a relationship, I don’t, what do I do?” Well, simply put, talk to this guy. Explain to him again that you like him but aren’t ready to be in a relationship. Be sure to emphasize that while you aren’t prepared to commit, you are excited to date him, and only him. Also, let him know that you see relationships as something serious, and you don’t take them lightly. So even though you are hesitant to take the next step, it’s not because you don’t like him.
Lastly, while I understand a person not wanting to jump in and out of relationships, and not committing before they’re ready, I also know that sometimes as humans we allow fear to drive our decisions. Not sure if you’re afraid to get into a relationship because of bad prior experiences, but if you are, keep in mind that this man is not any of your exes.
Suggestions going forward
- I always say, don’t allow anyone to pressure you into a relationship. However, don’t allow fear to keep you out of one.
- Keep in mind that for many people, eight weeks is enough time to determine if a person is “bae” material. While it may not be enough time for you, again, this guy isn’t weird if it’s been enough time for him.
As always nothing but love,
By the way, make sure you’re all caught up on Season One of my scripted show Majoring in Me the Podcast. Season Two is in the works, and some MAJOR drama is coming!