Dude I was talking to has been pissed at me for about three days now. Here’s the thing, he’s a great guy that I’m falling for hard. He just has one flaw that I can see right now that drives me up the freakin wall. I hate the underwear he has because they are just so old. Let me be clear, they aren’t dirty underwear with skid marks and things. They are just old. They are fading and some of the elastic is damn near gone. I promise you I’ve seen a hole in a pair or two, which I guess is quick access for me. But the underwear being old is a bit of a turnoff. Then I see his body, and I’m like forget the draws.
Trying to rectify the problem and be honest, I asked him when is the last time he invested in underwear? I even suggested he let me buy him some, which is crazy because he has a good job and could buy his own. He got all offended and thought I was trying to embarrass him. I can’t believe something so stupid as fresh draws caused an issue.
I sent him text messages trying to explain where I was coming from and told him I wasn’t being shady, but I barely got a thumbs up emoji in reply. This is dumb because I don’t think we should be arguing over this, and I won’t apologize because I’m not sorry. What you think?
-Anti Old Draws
Dear Anti Old Draws,
Thanks for writing to me. I’m going to keep it real with you. I definitely found myself chuckling a bit about this scenario. Your dilemma sparked a case of déjà vu in regards to something my mom used to tell me all the time when I was younger. She would always stress the importance of having good draws on when you left the house, because God forbid you get in an accident and have to go to the hospital. You don’t want doctors looking at dirty, holey, or just plain old draws. And she had a point. While I don’t buy and wear underwear based on a fear of being in an emergency situation, I do buy and wear draws based on where I’m going, who I anticipate on seeing, and in some cases, what’s comfortable (there are days where looking cute isn’t a priority because I don’t plan on seeing a single soul LOL).
Now before I go too far down the rabbit hole into my life story, let me get back to you and this man you’re talking to. It sounds like he wasn’t raised to hold underwear in high regard, and that’s his choice. But his underwear is a turn off for you, which isn’t the greatest thing given your situationship sounds fairly new. You tried to bring the issue up in conversation with him, and I think that kind of honesty was perfectly fine. However, perhaps it was your delivery that got this man in his feelings.
Asking him, “when’s the last time he invested in underwear,” sounds like one of those comments that can come across as shady. You probably didn’t mean it that way, but you two are still getting to know each other, and so he doesn’t know a question like that from you wasn’t meant to be insulting. Plus, following that question up with an offer to buy him some underwear could have been a further blow to his pride.
Look, if you were prepared to buy him with underwear anyway, you should have just bought him some and presented them as a gift. Then if he didn’t wear them the next time you saw him, questioned why he neglected your present. He would have probably put them on the next time you two planned to meet up.
Having said all that, let me say this. For this boy to be upset for three days over the underwear comments seems a bit absurd. Nothing you wrote in your letter warrants anyone being that into his feelings; especially, if he really likes you. While working toward a relationship is about learning another person, including how they communicate, if he’s not attempting to hear you out to realize you weren’t trying to be shady in your communication style, this experience may serve as a red flag.
Suggestions going forward.
- If you really like this guy and want to repair this situationship, reach out one more time expressing your intention was never to insult him. Should he not reply, then I’d say you’ve done all you can.
- Now before you reach out, really think about this incident and how he’s handling it. Before you get deeper into this situationship, think if the way he handles “conflict” is something you can deal with in a relationship. Think about how willing you are to change your communication style. Think about whether you want to be with someone that you feel you have to tiptoe around in terms of RESPECTFULLY speaking your mind. And not trying to convince you to leave this guy, just giving you some things to consider.
As always nothing but love,
By the way, make sure you’re all caught up on Season One of my scripted show Majoring in Me the Podcast. Season Two is in the works, and some MAJOR drama is coming!