It’s Been Three Months and You Haven’t Met… He May Be a Catfish


Hey T,

I am in sort of a weird spot right now. Late December, I downloaded bumble for fun and got way more than I was looking for. I matched with this guy and we have been talking for three months now but have never met in person. We live in the same town where I am a full-time student and he has a 9-5 job so schedules are busy but not busy enough to justify not making time.

I have asked him to meet up a couple times and he has backed out. However, he has asked me to meet up more times but it’s only ever when he knows I already have plans. He has expressed that he really wants to meet me but “just has a very busy schedule”. I’m not sure what to make of the whole situation because I obviously want to meet him to decide how I feel about him and go from there. I enjoy talking to him but I’m not sure what to do. I feel like after three months of talking daily, I want to meet him and would have a hard time just cutting it off. I’m not sure how much I believe he wants to meet me if he hasn’t really tried or if he’s just bored and is trying to fill his time talking to me/other girls. Let me know what you think!

– Confused Pen Pal

Dear Confused Pen Pal,

Thanks for writing to me. I’m not even going to sugar code this. From what you described here, it sounds like you’ve got a catfish on your hands (either he’s not who he says he is or doesn’t want what he says he does). The fact that it’s been three months and you live in the same town, but you haven’t met in person is a huge red flag. I get people have busy schedules and schedules don’t always align. I truly do. However, there is some truth to the expression that people make time for who and what they want to make time for. Heck, you two could have gotten coffee at Starbucks by now which could have been 20 or 30 mins out of a day.

I’m not sure why this guy, or anyone for that matter, is still catfishing people these days. My guess is that this guy genuinely does enjoy talking with you, but he’s hiding something he doesn’t want you to know. I won’t venture to guess what that something is because it doesn’t matter. By catfishing you, he’s in effect lying to you. And starting a relationship out on a lie is never a great thing.

Now is it possible that I’m wrong about what’s happening here? Sure it is, but I’d be willing to put money on the fact that I’m right. Although, another possible explanation I can offer you is that this individual actually works a 9-5, and one or two other jobs, so his schedule is really as tight as he tries to convey. Or, this man is nervous about meeting face to face because he thinks the spark you two created via phone won’t occur in person, and he doesn’t want to ruin things. Again, I’d put money on my first hunch that he’s deceiving you.

Suggestions going forward

  1. If you are interested in more than just a pen pal, I’d move on. Because even if this guy isn’t a catfish, which I definitely think he is, what would a relationship with him look like going forward. You both would be in the same city but you’d see him quarterly? I get a sense you want more, and you deserve more.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

(IG: Accordingtot)



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