Hi, I’m so heartbroken.
My ex broke with me yesterday. We were in a face to face relationship for a year, then he leaves for school and we committed to a LDR for a year and a half, a total of 2 years and 6 months being a couple. I really really really didn’t see this coming, 10 days before breaking up he told me that I was so good to him, he told me please never give up on him or us, that I was for sure the love of his life and that he wanted everything with me. I saw him last week, I visited him and i thought we were just fine… he confessed that he had cheated on me hours before I arrived, days after he told me that I was the one without a doubt.
I cannot believe that he cheated, not after all we have been trough after all the love we have. We weren’t a toxic relationship at all, I mean everyone said that we were so rare so unreal.
I love him so so so much.
The thing is that he liked being with someone else, so he told me that this girl was no one, but having sex with someone different is what he liked, and that’s why he broke up with me, so he can enjoy his 20’s and be ready for a serious and strong loving relationship.
I don’t know if I want him back because I feel like I can’t trust him because of the cheating plus the LDR, but I just want him to love me, to worry about me, to stay in touch, to be friends but really close friends and maybe In a future, be the strong and loving couple we were.
Please advise me, do we have a future right now? Or maybe later? Can we and how can we be friends?
Thanks for writing to me. I’ll start this off by saying I’m sorry to hear you experienced infidelity in your relationship. It’s not a great feeling to be cheated on, especially when you think it came out of nowhere. And while cheating doesn’t have to be the fatal blow to every relationship, you find yourself in an interesting situation.
If I’m understanding your letter correctly, your ex broke up with you because he feels your relationship was becoming too serious too fast, and he wanted to explore more options before settling down. For a guy in his 20s, not wanting to commit to one person forever isn’t that strange. What is slightly strange is that the conversations he had with you recently appear to say he actually was ready. Usually, a guy wouldn’t have told you things “you’re the love of my life” unprovoked (as in you didn’t say it first), if he was already having doubts about the relationship. But, if you did tell him he is the love of your life first, he could have reciprocated the sentiment so things didn’t get awkward; although, that’s a conversation for another day.
You asked if you two have a future. Honestly, I can’t predict the future, but for now, it appears you two don’t have a relationship. I know you’ve committed two-plus years of your life to this guy and love him, but you can’t make a person stay if he wants to go. All you can do is let him go and take steps to bounce back and move on. And that’s not to say you two won’t ever get back together in life, but for now, you’ve got to let him go.
As far as friendship, I’ve traditionally always said exes can’t be friends, but friendly. I’ve changed my perspective slightly depending on the circumstances. However, in your case, you don’t seem to be in the headspace to be friends. You seem like you want to be friends in the hopes you two might recommit to each other romantically one day. I’d hate for you to hold out for that if it never comes true.
Suggestions going forward
- Take time and space to process your feelings. Think about the infidelity, him wanting to pursue other people, the pros and cons of waiting on him, and whether you could truly be in a relationship with your ex again.
As always nothing but love,