I’m Over 30 and Never Been in a Relationship. How Do I Not Be Single

single never been in relationship

Hey Tot—
I’m single and just turned 33, and have been single for 33 years lol. Plus, sex isn’t really a habit in my life including self-pleasure. I don’t know where to begin when it comes to dating, a relationship, or building a healthy sex life.
I am an actor currently touring the country with a Broadway musical. I am verse/bottom. I am pretty handsome. I am also inexperienced, and it weakens me a bit.

Where do I start?


Dear ART,

Thanks for writing to me. My reply here will seem relatively simple, but don’t think that’s because I’m shortchanging you on advice. In reality, it just sounds like you don’t have the problem you think you do.

Sex, love, and relationships are all built on preference. Each of us like what we like, when we like it, and with who we like it. Now sometimes we may like things that aren’t the best for us, but in time, we hopefully grow and mature to put our desires into perspective with what’s mentally, spiritually, and physically healthy for us.

So what sexual gratification isn’t a priority in your life. That’s a preference. You’ll be happy to know that there are other people in these streets that are also like you, and searching for a relationship not built on sexual gratification. Folks that find other forms of stimulation more satisfying. And that’s okay!

Also, in terms of being inexperienced when it comes to dating, write this next point down. People will go in and out of situationships and relationships, and still not learn what it takes for them to successfully navigate being coupled up with another human being. You may feel like you don’t know the first thing about being in a relationship with another person, but you may not be as far behind the ball as you think you are. Plus, the only way to gain is experience is to open yourself to the possibility of dating and getting in a relationship. (This is not me telling you to go jump into a relationship for the sake of being in one.)


Suggestions going forward.

  1. Just relax and don’t put pressure on yourself to fit in with the current dating culture. Take your time and just feel people out that you vibe with. Try getting to know them as a friend, then possibly more. Don’t rush into something just to say you’re not single.


  1. And heck, you’re on a tour at the moment. You have a chance to date folks in different cities just to get your feet wet and see what you like.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

(IG: accordingtot)

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