Hi, I really need some advice. I just figured out my aunt has been dating my ex-boyfriend for about 2 years. I don’t think either of them knows that I’m her niece. This guy I was almost engaged to and I had helped him pick a house out that now my aunt is going to live in. It’s been 10 years and we only broke up because my uncle who I lived with at the time told my ex whopper lies. I’m so hurt and I just don’t know what to do? How do I tell my aunt without wanting to punch her and scream at her?
Thanks for writing to me. I read your letter a couple of times and I may be a bit confused with some parts of the letter, but I think I got the overall picture. It sounds like your ex-boyfriend is unknowingly dating your aunt, and your aunt has no idea who your ex-boyfriend is. Now you find yourself upset by the situation, which I completely understand.
With the gist of the picture in mind, I’m not quite sure how your aunt and your ex have been dating for two years, and you’re just putting it together now. I’m also confused about how you could have dated him for ten years unbeknownst to your aunt. In my mind, there would have been some family events with all of you in the room, or there were pictures posted of you and him or him and her on Facebook or something. But onto the advice.
Now that you know what you, I think you owe it to yourself and aunt to explain to her how your ex-bae is her current bae. You are clearly bothered by your ex dating a family member, and your aunt may be bothered by the truth as well.
However, let me just prepare you for the possibility that you may reveal the truth to your aunt, but she doesn’t break up with your ex. While she may be apologetic for your feelings being hurt, she may not want to end things. To be honest, it doesn’t sound as if you and your aunt are too close, so she may not see the need to break off things. If she and your ex are ready to move in with one another, I’m assuming she really loves him and may prioritize that love.
Suggestions going forward.
- Before you tell anybody anything, make sure your intentions of revealing the truth are good. If you want to reveal the truth in hopes the couple will break up and your ex will come back to you, I would encourage you to check yourself. Tell the truth because the parties involved deserve to hear the truth, not because you’re hoping to get the man back.
- When you tell your aunt who her boyfriend is to you, be sure you have the conversation face to face. You don’t want anything to be misconstrued via texts, and you want her to see your face so she knows you aren’t trying to lie and be malicious. And if you have proof of your relationship with your ex, you should have the proof with you when you meet her.
- Now I didn’t mention telling the ex of your aunt’s true identity, because I tend to believe your loyalty should be to your family (unless there are some underlying issues you haven’t discussed). While both your ex and aunt should be aware, your aunt is the only one who deserves to hear the truth from you.
As always nothing but love,