As always great advice and articles. I was wondering if you could help me with something. I met an amazing guy that I had enjoy spending my time with. I am content with how things are progressing with our relationship. Although we aren’t sexually active yet, we’ve talked about it and had a few close encounters. My concern is that he is not into fellatio and I very much enjoy it. Should that be a deal breaker or how can we work around it? Again, it is something I thoroughly enjoy.
– Let’s Make A Deal
Dear Let’s Make a Deal,
Thanks for writing to me and for the compliment. I appreciate when people such as yourself express to me that you enjoy my content. The kind words serve as fuel for me to keep this site up and running. So again, thank you.
As far as your dilemma here, I don’t think it’s anything you should worry about just yet. Despite your close encounters, the fact remains that you two haven’t yet been sexually active. You two haven’t been thrown in the middle of a scenario where things get hot and heavy. I say that to make this point, despite the conversations you’ve shared, you don’t know what will happen until it happens. It’s possible that this guy will wind up doing what he says he doesn’t like, just because he really likes you and wants to make you happy.
Think of it this way. How many times have you come across people who claim to be strictly tops, only to find out that their resume proves otherwise? Sometimes people go outside of their comfort zone, in an effort to please the one they’re with. Heck, I for one can attest to doing things for a partner because I love them, not because I particularly enjoyed doing it.
Many people are like me and adapt a little when they get into meaningful relationships with people. That’s why you have people who are “relationship bottoms”, “relationship tops”, and “relationship givers of fellatio”. So who’s to say that this guy won’t be the type to switch things up for you after you two further bond, and become that special someone.
Suggestions going forward.
- Don’t throw the whole situationship away just yet. As I said, you won’t know what the guy is willing to do until the day actually comes.
- If you reach the point of intimacy with this man and he wants you to go below sea level and he won’t, then it’s up to you if you want to cancel him. No one will blame you for walking away from a “selfish” lover.
- There is also a possibility you and this man could reach a compromise that would fulfill your sexual desires along with his comfortability. (The both you would have to decide what such a compromise looks like.)
As always nothing but love,