His Number of Instagram Followers Makes Me Cautious to Date Him


I’m going to share with you my problem, but I’m hoping you don’t judge me too harshly. So I’m trying to talk to this guy I met at a party over MLK Weekend. When we met, we just really vibed.  Not to mention, he is sexy. The body, the voice, he’s just got himself put together.  Since meeting, we’ve been texting and talking on the phone. It’s been great.  That is until we decided to follow each other on Instagram.   This guy has like 20,000 followers which kind of bothers me.  He doesn’t own a small business, he’s not an entertainer, he doesn’t model, and he’s not a personal trainer.  In my head, I’m like why in the hell does he have that many followers?

I keep thinking that a guy with that many followers has a lot of hoes in his DM, and I refuse to be a person in his hoe-tation. My best friend told me I’m overthinking the situation, but I’d hate to talk more and more to this guy, date him, and then get in a relationship with him, only to find out I’ve been competing with other guys on social media. What are your thoughts?

-Lite Brite Rob

Dear Lite Brite Rob,

Thanks for writing to me. Based on what you shared, I’d say you had a pretty decent weekend.  Heck, you walked away with a souvenir.  A guy you clicked with beyond a physical level.  I’d say you’re winning.  That is, if you let yourself actually win.

Let me start this off by saying, I actually understand where you’re coming from and think you have a valid point. Trying to talk to or date a person that has thousands of followers can be intimidating. Especially, when you hear all the stories about what “goes down in the DM.”  You assume a guy that’s good lucking with that many followers must have a ton of DMs. And you don’t want to compete with “phantom hoes.” (Phantom hoes: the people one assumes are thirsting for and pursuing a guy or girl, but in fact may not actually exist.) So to protect yourself, you subconsciously start to sabotage the situation.

With that said, take it from someone that understands your concerns, get out of your head!  You are potentially going to ruin things with a guy who could turn out to be a great love in your life. Yes he has that many followers on social media, but I doubt 20,000 people have his phone number. I doubt he texts 20,000 people on a daily.  And I doubt he takes the time to literally talk on the phone with the 20,000 individuals who happen to follow him on Instagram. This guy found you special enough to exchange numbers with, and he’s still communicating with you. Go with that for now. Don’t let your insecurities get the best of you.

Lastly, I think I should point out the fact that romance is a risky business.  It’s like gambling. You invest in it, and sometimes you win big.  Other times you crap out. Except when it comes to matters of the heart, I don’t think you should ever give up.  So know if things run their course with this guy, don’t quit on finding love.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Remember, exclusivity shouldn’t be expected at this stage in your “situationship”. He’s well within his right to talk to other people, just like you are free to do the same. Unless you two have a conversation and agree about focusing on just each other, then you can’t be too upset with him if he’s talking to someone else at the moment.


  1. Don’t rush into a relationship with this guy. Take your time to get to know him and don’t allow phantom hoes to ruin a possible good thing.


  1. Keep in mind that many people go on a social media hiatus when they finally fall deep in love knowing the problems IG, Twitter, and Snapchat can cause to a relationship. Down the road, he may deactivate his account for you if you two commit to each other.

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott


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