Your Self-Worth Shouldn’t Be Tied to Your Relationship

Hi T,

I don’t know from where to start.  Today I came to know my boyfriend is cheating on me.  We are in long distance relationship and he is 7 years younger than me.  It’s been a 3 year relationship, and he used to live with me in the early years but he moved away last year.  Problem started 3 days ago when he didn’t take interest in our conversations, and kept quite the whole time.  I asked him was there any problem and if he still loved me, but he didn’t answer and we fought more n more.  And my health is also not good at this point and time.

He called me today and told me he cheated on me with his dance class student.  I was shocked because he is a very lovable and simple boy who loves me a lot.  He gave me so much respect and love I can’t tell you how happy I was with him, but suddenly this happens.  As far as I understood, this all happened because our long distance problem.  We used to be very happy and want to marry, but now he is saying he is in love with that girl.

Please suggest to me what I should do.  I really don’t want to lose him.  This is my second relationship and if this broke I’ll do something to myself.  Please guide me what to do.



Dear Sonam,

Thanks for writing to me.  I’m just going to cut to the chase here, because I’m concerned with the way you ended this letter.  Thinking about harming yourself is alarming, and is most definitely not okay.  You matter in this world, and your worth shouldn’t be tied to whether or not you and your boyfriend are together.  So before you do anything drastic, DON’T.

Unfortunately, heartbreak is as common as a cold in this world. Every person that decides to put his heart on the line and interact romantically with another human being, will more than likely experiment a form of heartbreak at some point. That’s why there are so many songs in the world that talk about love lost. Heck, if millions didn’t suffer from issues of love, singers like Adele wouldn’t be nearly as popular as they are.

I’m telling you this to remind you that you aren’t the first one to be in your shoes, and you won’t be the last.  A lot of people can relate to your dilemma.  However, most individuals are able to find the strength to move past the hurt, and move on with their life.  Although it may take them a while, and the journey to healing may be complicated and hard, they eventually move on.  And that’s exactly what I’m asking you to do.  I know you can do it.

If your boyfriend finds that he no longer wants to be with you, I hate to tell you this, but you’ve got to let him go.  Trying to keep him will only make you both miserable and uncomfortable. And to be honest, if you are willing to harm yourself to keep him, it’s probably best you become single and work on yourself a bit.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. I’m not sure where you are located, but I beg you to find some counseling services. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. While I’ve been told I provide good advice, I’m not a licensed professional.  And it sounds like that’s who you need to speak to right now.


  1. Trust me, suicide is a permanent fix to a temporary problem. So DON”T DO IT!

As always nothing but love,

Tavion Scott

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