You Aren’t His Main Chick, You’re the Side Chick

Hey T,

Great site. I recently was made aware of it by one of my girlfriends.  I know you said come from an LGBT perspective, but hoping you can still help a hetero girl like me.  After all, dating is dating right?  Anyway, the problem I’m having is with this guy I thought I was getting to know to one day get in relationship with.  We met at a friend of a friend’s housewarming party about a month ago.  We connected at the party, he asked for my number, and we’ve been texting ever since then. Now we never talk on the phone, but I don’t mind because I hate talking on the phone for real for real. But we did go out to dinner twice.  However, the last week or so I’ve noticed he’s been really distant.  I don’t get the “good morning” text anymore, and I really only spoke with him through text like 3 times last week. Each time, I initiated the conversation.  I asked him if I did something to offend him, but he tried to joke it off like I’m being silly.  Said he’s been meaning to reach out.  My sister told me to cut this guy loose and move on, but I genuinely thought we bonded, and he seems like a nice guy.  What do you think I should do?

Thanks in advance,

-Won’t Be Played 91

Dear Won’t Be Played 91,

Thanks for writing to me, and thanks for the compliment on my site.  I’m glad you enjoyed the content on it.  Now while I did create this site to offer an LGBT perspective on dating and relationship advice, and really advice on the LGBT lifestyle, I’ve always been receptive to help anyone with a problem.  Heck, most of the advice I hand out can be used in many situations regardless of a person’s sexual attraction.  As you pointed out, “dating is dating.”  But enough about my site, and more about your dilemma.

First off, a red flag for me when reading your letter was the fact that you said you and this guy have never talked on the phone after a month. Look, no one hates talking on phone more than me.  I have friends and family that will attest to that.  However, I understand that a part of the initial phase of dating for most people consists of verbal communication.  People like to hear their potential boo’s voice every now and then. To be reminded what the man sounds like and to test whether the man is capable of holding a conversation outside of iMessage.  And a man usually wants you to hear his sexy phone voice once in a while to keep your blood racing and interest peaked.




Now given he hasn’t made an effort to call you once, I’m thinking one of two things are true.  One, he works on an oil rig or in a Vegas desert and doesn’t have consistent service to make a phone call.  Or two, you aren’t his main romantic interest in his life. My gut tells me it’s option two.

Before you feel insulted, read the letter you wrote me again.  The signs that you won’t be this guy’s number one lady are all there. He hasn’t attempted to call you. In a month you’ve only been out to dinner twice.  And this last week, you two only communicate when you initiate the text conversation. This all translates to he hits you up when he’s bored and has time away from his romantic priority. His real boo. The way he is treating you is more like a side chick.  While I don’t know you, I’m certain you deserve to be treated like a queen. So in this case, listen to your sister and move on from this guy.

Suggestions going forward

  1. Again, cut off contact from this guy.


  1. If I just so happen to be wrong and this man is single and wants you, then make him earn you. Make him earn a reply to a text, a night on the town, and most importantly your cookie. Let him chase you.


  1. Make phone conversations a “necessary evil” of your initial dating experience from now on.


As always nothing but love,


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