Lust or Love in the Workplace?


Here’s a situation for you.   There’s this new guy that started working in my office and I think I want him to be mine.  Scratch that, I know for certain I want him to be mine.  When I tell you he is almost too perfect, I mean it.  He has a great smile, amazing body (I mean him in dress pants and a button up shirt is too sexy), and his voice almost makes me want to get undressed every time I hear him speak.  I’ve been trying to figure out whether he’s gay or not so I can make my move, and that’s where you come in.  I don’t want to just put myself out there in case he’s not gay, and make things awkward at work.  And I tried looking at his social media to get a clue, but I can’t find him anywhere.  So what do you think I should do here? Thanks in advance for the help.


Want Him Bad

Dear Want Him Bad,

Thanks for writing to me.  After reading your letter, it sounds like your situation boils down to a twist on the classic office romance dilemma.  As I’ve said before and I’ll say now to you, I’m not the biggest proponent of romance in the workplace.  A work environment can be complicated enough with lazy and disgruntled coworkers, rude and unknowledgeable supervisors, and mundane and routine work assignments.  Adding feelings of love or sex to the mix, screams potential disaster.  Which is why, I usually caution people away from doing what you’d like to do here.  However, when a person feels as if a coworker could really be “the one”, I encourage them to follow his heart.

With that said, I’m not convinced you think this new guy is “the one” for you.  Based on what you’ve shared with me, you seem to be attracted to him because of his physical attributes.  You haven’t said anything about him being intelligent or funny.  You haven’t told me anything about what you two have in common.  And I’m not sure if anyone has ever told you, but physical attraction alone won’t ever be enough to maintain a long-lasting relationship.

To be honest, it sounds like you just want to jump this man’s bones or have him jump your bones.  Look, I know a good looking man can have you buckle at your knees.  Heck, there was a time when former football player Braylon Edwards and Toronto Raptor Serge Ibaka, would have me panting like a dog in heat.  LOL!  But hearing them talk and seeing their actions outside their professions, I know neither one of them would be my “forever.”  There’s the fact that neither one of them to my knowledge is gay or bisexual, and I don’t know them past TV screens and news posts.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. If you happened to find things about this man attractive that extend beyond the physical and think you two could build something meaningful, then by all means try to pursue him. I know you couldn’t find his social media info to gauge whether or not he’s gay.  Since that’s the case, I recommend having some conversations with him and asking where he likes to hang out on the weekend and perhaps watch on Netflix.  A person’s hang out spots and viewing interests can give you some insight sometimes on their sexuality.  Also, you can joke about girlfriend problems and girl issues, to see if he chimes in with personal stories of his own issues he’s had with women.  If he shares stories about his romantic history with women, then you may want to back off.


  1. Again, if this is just a physical attraction, let it go. Classify this man as office eye candy, and office eye candy only.

As always nothing but love,



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