I love your website. Topics are good and the advice you give is solid. So I’m hoping you can help me. How do you know when you’re ready to move on? I haven’t been with ex for about 3 months, and my friends think I need to start dating. I think they’re right, but don’t want to get in a rebound situation. Thanks for your help.
Thanks for writing to me. As always, I sincerely appreciate the positive feedback. Knowing people like to come on my site from time to time and enjoy what they read, makes me feel pretty good about what I have here. But enough of my gratitude, let’s get down to your question.
Getting over an ex can be a difficult thing to do. I’m not sure how long you and your former boo were together, but typically the longer you spend with someone, the longer it takes to get over him. It’s a process that takes time. You can’t rush it no matter how hard you try. And despite the widespread belief that the way the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, that simply isn’t true. In fact, I wish people stop uttering those words. When you had the chickenpox, did scratching actually heal you? NO! Scratching may have satisfied an itch, but it did nothing to help you get over the disease. Heck, too much scratching probably left you with a scar or two. (Let that metaphor sink in a bit.)
Having said that, at some point in your healing process after a breakup, it’s important to open yourself up to receiving love again. Although you and your ex didn’t work out, don’t fall into the trap of believing that you’ll never find a life partner. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with being the “Forever Bachelor”, don’t fall into that role because you’ve become bitter about relationships, or under the impression your ex is your one and only true love. And when you find you’re ready to be on the market again, just take your time dating.
I know you were hoping I was going to give you a definitive answer to your question, but I won’t give you that. Your friends and I can’t tell you when you’re ready to date again. That’s a decision you have to make for yourself. What I will say, is that you feeling compelled to ask this question may signal that you have some more healing to do in your journey to get back out there.
Suggestions going forward.
- If you’re not ready to date, then you’re not ready to date. Sometimes people make a habit of jumping from one relationship to another, without ever taking time in between partners for themselves. It’s important to take time with yourself as a single person, so you can evaluate what you truly need in a mate. Perhaps more importantly, it’s important to be alone every now and then so you assess how you can be a better mate for the next guy.
- Don’t allow anyone to pressure you into dating if you’re not prepared for that yet. You can politely tell your friends thanks for their concern, but back off. LOL!
As always nothing but love,