Personal Revelations

Intimate Convos with Tavion: Why First Dates are NOT for You, the Boo, and His Crew

Happy Friday Eve folks.  I hope today is full of positive vibes for all as we are one day closer to the weekend.  I thought I’d take the opportunity today to revive something I haven’t done in a while.  And that’s Intimate Conversations with Tavion.  I haven’t given you all a campfire story in a month of Sundays, so you all are long overdue.  My story for this Thursday is in regards to why I don’t believe your first date with a guy should include his friends.

Believe it or not, the first couple of times I ventured into the dating world as a gay man, the men I was seeing at the time wanted to go out and meet with their friends.  We would talk on the phone and agree to meet up for dinner and drinks, and then the day of our date they wanted to stop by a friend’s gathering first.  It was just weird to me.  Luckily, I consider to be myself a fairly social person, so I was able to navigate my way through my dates’ home turf.  Let me give some examples of what I mean.

When I lived out in the Midwest, I met a guy through Jack’d.  Let’s call him Joe for the sake of this story.  Joe and I messaged each other on the app, before moving our conversations to texts and phone calls.  After about a week or two, we decided that I would drive the hour long car ride to his city, and we would go out for an official first date.  He told me he would pick out the restaurant, so I wouldn’t have to worry about it.

That Friday after I got out of class, I made my way to him and met him at his place.  After we talk for a bit, we hop in his car and I think we are going to get something to eat.  Well at some point along the way, Joe gets a message from his best friend to come by a bar real quick to say hello.  He asked me would I be cool with that, and I reluctantly gave him the green light.   I didn’t want to say no because I didn’t want to make things awkward, and we were in his car. So we drive to the bar.

As soon as we sat on the barstools with his friends, it was like I was a guest on The Wendy Williams Show.  His friends were asking me all sorts of questions about my personal business.  And I didn’t even get any shoe cam or anything. (LOL!)  To top it off, because I was about 5 years younger than Joe, they were trying to play me because of my age.  However, with a leveled head, some grown man maturity, and a gin juice, I made it through the “job interview” like a champ.  Joe and I would eventually leave his friends and spend the rest of the night alone, but it was just a little awkward for a first date.  I agreed to meet him, not him and his crew.  (FYI, Joe is a nice guy and we actually dated for a month or two after that night.)

Now let me tell you about a guy I’ll call Raphael.  I actually dated him when Joe and I amicably split.  Raphael and I met on the same app.  He was about a year younger than me, but he was so smooth with his game.  There was something about him that would just draw you to him. It was more than his good looks.  Anyway, like with Joe, Raphael and I agreed I would come to his city, and he would set up the arrangements for the date.

Again on a Friday after my last class, I made the trek to visit Raphael.  Once we do some talking, he drives us to what I think will be an intimate dinner for two.  I was wrong.  We didn’t get very far before he told me he forgot he told a coworker that he would stop by her baby shower.  After he dropped that nugget of info, he looked at me seeking permission.  And you know I gave it to him.  Tavion loves the kids, and I think a baby coming into the world is a celebration.  Plus, I didn’t want to make things awkward.

By the time we reach the shower, I ironically wasn’t prepared for the kids that were well out the womb and present.  Now I think children are a true blessing, but that many young and misbehaved kids all at once was a bit much.  It was hard for me to think about anything but leaving with all that was going on.  After Raphael decided it was time to go, I left with a slight attitude.  I wasn’t in a mood to go anywhere else with him.  However, Raphael used his charm to get me out of my unpleasant mindset.  In fact, I actually had quite the good night after the baby shower.  But I guarantee had it not been for his charm, my wheel of excuses to leave the date would have been fully active.

The moral of my anecdotes here is this, first dates should not be an opportunity for your crew to meet and get to know your potential mate.  It’s an opportunity for you to get to know a guy and see if he’s what he talked himself up to be.  To see if you two can build something together so you can one day in the future introduce him to your family and friends.  Think of it like this.  If a woman goes on a date with just her purse, that’s normal.  It’s expected.  But if she shows up with her purse and two or three luggage bags, you will raise an eyebrow not expecting all the extra accessories.  So back to the point, no extra baggage on a first date people.

As always, nothing but love folks.

-Tavion Scott

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