My friend just pissed me off, and I’m hoping you can help. I recently got man tracks installed and I thought I looked good. But when I asked him what he thought, he told me I look ‘foolish’. Then asked me why I would do this. I didn’t tell him initially, but what he said made me mad. Don’t I have a reason to be upset here though? What would you do if you were in my shoes?
-Head and Shoulders
Dear Head and Shoulders,
Thanks for writing to me. First off let me say, it sounds as if you have one of those overly honest friends on your hands. I know the type. I have a friend of my own that fits in that category. He has next to no filter, and he truly believes every thought that pops up in his mind should be made available to the public. While I love my friend dearly, I understand how overwhelming sometimes that type of transparency can be.
With that said, I’m sure you knew your friend was a straight shooter. When you asked him his thoughts on your new hairstyle, you knew he was going to give you his unfiltered opinion. However, it sounds like you were so confident in your new appearance, that you thought he would give you his gold seal of approval and two thumbs up. Unfortunately to your surprise, it doesn’t sound like he was feeling the new look, and made that point crystal clear. So with that said, you shouldn’t be that upset that your known overly honest friend gave you an opinion, which you asked for.
Now if your friend knows you don’t respond well to insults (which his comments on your hair could be taken as), then you’re entitled to be a little bothered by him not respecting that fact. Friendships work best when the two parties involved have a certain expectation in their communication. If you can respect his need to express his thoughts, then he should respect your need for him to be sensitive and put some tact on his rendition of the truth when delivering it to you.
Suggestions going forward.
- Have a conversation with your friend. Tell him that while you appreciate him giving his opinion, next time you’d appreciate it even more if he gave you a chaser with the shot of frankness. Make it clear that you don’t want him to change who he is necessarily, but you just want him to work on his delivery with you.
- Don’t make a habit of asking for someone’s honest opinion, then getting angry when they give it to you. While your friend can work on his delivery, it was still an opinion you asked for.
- As someone that is not a fan of man tracks, or man weave as I call it, I’m going to encourage you to embrace your natural hair. If your hair is not as thick as you’d like, I recommend looking into hair growth supplements or a follicle transplant of some sort. Heck, you may even want to embrace a bald look. There are plenty of men who successfully pull off a polished bald head. For example, Taye Diggs, Dwayne Johnson, Tyrese, and Jason Stathom all rock the look quite well. I say all this, because I’ve yet to see a good example of a guy rocking a man weave. And this is no offense to you or anyone with man weave reading this. I hope the one you’re rocking looks way better than the ones I’ve seen. But again, there is nothing wrong with rocking your natural hairdo.
As always nothing but love,