First time writing one of these letters so please bear with me. About 8 months ago, my ex and I broke up after being together for nearly two years. Caught him in a lie which led me to find out that he cheated. Well after not having spoken to him since I ended things, a few days ago he hits me up out of the blue telling me he wants to me up and talk. I told my sister about him texting me, and she told me to ignore him because he prolly wants to get back together. She doesn’t want that to happen because she thinks he will hurt me again. Part of me gets where she is coming from. However, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss him and our relationship. I guess I’m asking if you think I should go or just pay him? Like I don’t owe him a meeting or anything, but kind of want to go.
On the Fence 91
Dear On the Fence 91,
Thanks for writing to me. For your “first time writing one of these letters”, let me assure you that you did a good job. LOL! It sounds like you are in a situation that most of the population with relationship experience has gone through, or will go through at some point. After a breakup is made official, and two people part ways for what they think is for good, there usually comes a moment when one person or both people of the past relationship have second thoughts. They allow the “what ifs” to take over. What if this person is really the one? What if I gave up too soon? What if I can’t find anyone better? And the countless other questions.
In your particular situation, while I can’t speak for certain about what your ex may be thinking, it seems pretty clear that you have been thinking about some “what if” questions. Hence the reason you are wrestling with your feelings and debating on whether you should meet up with this guy. Which again is perfectly normal. You may have ended things months ago, but that doesn’t mean you stopped loving him or reminiscing on what you had. So I’m sure it feels good to assume he’s been pining after you. But for all you know, this guy reached out to you for a completely unrelated reason.
Regardless of why he is reaching out to you, the fact remains that it sounds like you need some closure here. So I think you should go see him. You may see flashes of personal growth in him, and see potential for reuniting. Or you will see the same guy you broke up with, and be reminded of why you two aren’t together. Either way, I’m sure it would be nice to get a more definitive hunch as to whether you should fully reopen your heart to him, or you should close that chapter of your life permanently.
Suggestions going forward.
- Should you agree to meet this man, meet him in a public space. You don’t want to meet him at his place or yours, because privacy can rehash feelings of sexual intimacy. And sex only complicates decisions that need to me made with your head.
- As I’ve said before, I don’t think infidelity has to spell the end to a relationship. It depends on the severity of the cheating, and the reasoning behind it. It also depends on how a person prioritizes love and pride. I’m not sure exactly what went down while you and your ex were a couple, but the relationship could be worth saving (Trying to Make Lemonade).
- Don’t have expectations of this encounter that are too high. After all, he could be asking you for a favor.
As always nothing but love,