Personal Revelations

Intimate Convos with Tavion: Dating Women

Before I was certain without a doubt that I was of the homosexual variety, I did happen to go on two dates with the opposite sex that I can remember.  And both of those dates occurred when I was in undergrad.  For those that are familiar with my other Intimate Convos posts, then you know I was pretty much a late bloomer when it comes to my personal life.  First date, first kiss, first time in the hay, all happened when I was 21.  So yeah, a late bloomer.  But anyway, I decided to share my limited experience dating women.

My very first date with a girl was during the fall semester of my junior year.  The girl was a close friend of mine, and we were in this hazy period in our friendship where we didn’t know if there was perhaps something more.  It may surprise some of you to know, that I genuinely felt something for her that extended past platonic emotions.  I just wasn’t sure what those emotions were at the time.  In hindsight, I think my cloudy feelings for her was the result of us being real friends, but all those around me pressing us to be more.  On paper she was a good look for me.   Well seeking clarity at a fresh 21, we naturally went on a date.

When I picked her up for the date, I remember just feeling super anxious.  Hanging out as friends was one thing, trying to step to the stage to audition to be her man was another.  The car ride to the restaurant was filled with those awkward filler conversations people have.  You know the “how was your day,” “classes going alright,” and “you look nice” type of filler.  Based on the ride to the restaurant, I thought we were making a huge mistake.

Thankfully by the time we got to the Mexican cantina, things started to turn around.  Blame it on that margarita I had, because after a few sips we found ourselves relaxed and engaged on the date.  We talked about any and everything, had plenty of laughs, and really had a good time.  I was thinking that maybe we could work romantically.

When we got back to campus, I parked my car in front of her dorm and we just talked some more.  I knew deep down I should have been trying to make a move for a kiss or something, but for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to do it.  If I would have kissed her, it would have been out of expectation more so than desire.  Which should have been a little clue that I may not like women like I should. And that kiss by the way never presented itself in the car or when I walked her to her building.  At the threshold of her door when I was finally going to do it, a group of girls I knew walked by and ruined the moment talking to me.  My date wasn’t the biggest fan of those other girls, so yeah it was like RIP mood. LOL!

Going forward, our murky friendship never escalated to a relationship and never settled back to a friendly status. Unfortunately for us, she started a “situationship” on the low with an associate of mine, and I started a year plus “situationship” of my own with my first male companion.  She didn’t know about the male companion, but I knew about the associate, and that was enough to cause things to end things.  That’s a story for another day.

Oh and the second date I went on with the opposite sex was really a date out of desperation.  I was trying to convince myself that I wasn’t gay and that I liked women.  And as we can see, that didn’t quite work.  She was a lovely girl, and I hope she is doing well.

Until next time folks.

-Tavion Scott

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