When Talking Dirty Becomes too Much!

Dear T,

This may sound weird, but I’m going to ask for your advice anyway.  I’ve grown to really hate how this guy I’m seeing talks to me in the bedroom. When we are in the midst of having sex, he starts becoming super aggressive and saying things like “shut up and give daddy want he wants,” and “that’s right you’re my b**ch.” The thing is, this guy is super sweet and kind when we are doing everything else besides having sex.  And he is far from abusive.  So I don’t get why he changes up like this.  What are your thoughts?


Not Amused

Dear Not Amused,

Thanks for writing to me. You have an interesting situation on your hands.  Any guy you date will have things about him that you find annoying.  Unfortunately, you found one of the things that annoys you about your current person of interest is how he gets down in the sheets.

I know I for one have allowed myself to be called baby, sweetie, babe, bae, and daddy while in the midst of bedroom activity.  But b$tch, or any other variation of the term, is not something I go for during sex.  I’m all for people having their quirks on what turns them on, and gets them to their height of climax.  And I’m all for helping my sexual partner reach that place.  However, I won’t allow myself to disrespected, just so a person can get a nut.  And if you feel the same way, then you should speak up and say something.

Next time you are with this man your seeing, tell him you have an issue with being called b$tch.  Simply explain that while him being so liberal with the name calling during sex may help him get his rocks off, it does nothing for you.  I’m assuming you enjoy the sex with him and are fond of him as a person, given that you haven’t ended things.  Should you two have the beginnings of something special, and he cares about you, he’ll take your concerns seriously.  After all, if you can’t be honest in your “situationship” now, that doesn’t bode well for a relationship down the line.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Again, tell the guy you don’t like the bedroom insults if you don’t like them. Just make sure you don’t tell him in the midst of knocking boots.  That’s just not the appropriate time.


  1. Not to be funny, but do you talk too much during your time in bed? While rude to tell you to shut up, are you a Chatty Cathy?  Are you attempting to hold conversation, when “ooos” and “ahhs” will suffice?  Again not trying to be funny, but know that too much talking during sex can be a big turn off.


  1. And please make sure to practice safe sex.

As always nothing but love,



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