What Do You Say on PDA?

Dear T,

What are your thoughts on PDA?  I started seeing this guy a few weeks ago, and lately when we go out in public he wants to hold hands and kiss.  I’m not ashamed of being gay or anything, but doing all that in public is super uncomfortable for me.  I’ve been trying to drop hints for him to chill with all that stuff, but he hasn’t caught on.  I’m trying not to mess up our situation, because it’s new and I like him.  What would you do here?


Not With It

Dear Not With It,

Thank you for writing to me.  With the particular questions that you have, I’m going to go ahead and get straight to the point.  I’m actually like you when it comes to PDA. I kind of hate it.  I’ve never been one to hold hands walking through the mall or make out at a restaurant table.  No offense to those that love PDA, it’s just never typically been my thing.

And to be clear, my stance on PDA has nothing to do with my sexual orientation.  Granted I consider my sexuality to be my business.  Honestly, I wouldn’t be jumping at the chance to kiss my significant other in public if I was heterosexual.  For me, I’d rather not throw my romance in the face of those that may be single, yet searching.  Watching a couple in love or strong like, can be disheartening for some.  Also, I find the more you as a couple put your romance on display, the more you and your partner allow yourselves to be open to critiques and criticisms of your relationship. Now have I kissed my partner in public?  Yes.  In a night club, usually drunk. LOL! And occasionally at a get together among friends. But I’d rather be like Barack and Michelle or Jay and Bey.  In love, yet safely guarding that love from public scrutiny.

If you don’t want to put your feelings of affection on display, then don’t.  Obviously the hinting around with this guy is not working.  So be upfront with him, and just tell him that you prefer to be more discreet about your love life.  That you rather hold and kiss your partner in the privacy of your own space.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Have a face to face convo with the guy you’re dating, and tell him you prefer not to participate in PDA. Make sure you make it clear that it has nothing to do with him, but everything to do with your level of comfortability.  He should understand that.  This shouldn’t be an issue that causes a blow up or falling out.

As always nothing but love,


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