When to Give Up the Cookie

Dear According to T,

I’ve been getting to know this guy for two weeks and it has been absolutely amazing. However we haven’t had sex yet. A close friend of mine keeps telling me that I’m making a mistake by not having sex with him as we are two weeks into getting to know each other. I feel completely opposite. While I enjoy sex and want it frequently, I would rather take my time this go round and build a foundation especially if I can see a possible long term relationship with this guy. Am I wrong for not being pressed to give up the kitty right away? Is there a rule of thumb when someone should have sex when entering into a new found situation?


Horny but not pressed

Dear Horny but not pressed,

Thanks for writing to me.  And oh what a name you have here.  I’m sure that name serves as a mantra for many.  LOL! But let’s get to what folks back in the day called the “nitty gritty.”

Two weeks is really not a long time to have known someone.  Think about it, it takes longer for you to get over a cold.  So if you didn’t have sex with this guy yet, it is perfectly fine.  What’s the rush?  Does your friend know of a zombie apocalypse coming that I don’t about?  I mean no disrespect to you or your friend, but he sounds like many in the gay community that tend to age “situationships” and “relationships” like dog years.  News flash for all those reading this post, homosexual relationships take time to grow and develop, just like heterosexual ones do.  It’s a fact of life.

In terms of when you should give it up, I can’t tell you that unfortunately.  Heck, I can’t tell anyone that.  What I can tell you, is that it’s a decision that should originate from within, and not peer pressure.  Don’t allow anyone to convince you to take a step you don’t think you’re ready to take, or want to take.  In addition, this is a decision that should be made with your brain involved.  A hot box will always get you into trouble when wise personal discernment isn’t in the picture.

Also, I won’t say you need to abide by the Steve Harvey 90 day rule necessarily.  The purpose of that rule is for you to evaluate whether or not you share a genuine connection with a mate, before you offer up the goods.  For you to see if you can build the foundations of a real relationship.  And that get to know you period may not take 90 days, but it most certainly will probably take longer than two weeks.

Sex should be the cherry on top of a great bond established on things such as great convos, great laughs, and a ton of things a couple has in common.  In many cases, when sex is introduced to early between two people, it clouds folks’ judgement.  They can’t decide whether they have bonded with the man or the penis, or whatever the case may be.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. If you want to wait with this guy, then wait. Again, don’t allow anyone to pressure you.
  2. Remember this, I’ve yet to see anyone be able to hook and KEEP a man based on sex alone. I don’t care if a person has a golden stick or a magical snatch, it just doesn’t happen.
  3. And of course, practice safe sex whenever you take that step.

As always nothing but love,


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2 thoughts on “When to Give Up the Cookie”

  1. Hairstyles says:

    Awesome blog you have here but I was wanting to know if you knew of any message boards that cover the same topics talked about here? I’d really like to be a part of online community where I can get feed-back from other knowledgeable people that share the same interest. If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Bless you!

    1. AsAccordingToT says:

      Hi there. I’d try reddit in terms of a message board. And as always, if you have questions, feel free to message me. I keep everything anonymous.

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