Instagram is a Problem in My Relationship

Dear T,

Would you be comfortable with your boyfriend constantly posting pictures of himself half naked on Instagram?  My boo of 3 years has recently got pretty ripped, and is constantly placing his body on display.  I get that he is proud of his hard work and dedication, but some of the comments under his picture have me feeling some type of way.  Women and men are saying how much they want to have him in bed, or do things with him I rather not repeat.  He tells me I just need to ignore the comments and know that he only wants me.  However, I can’t help but to feel a little insecure.  I really want him to stop with the pictures.  I may have him, but don’t want to lose him.  What should I do here?


A Little Sick and A Little Tired

Dear A Little Sick and A Little Tired,

Thanks for writing to me.  Your concern is one many people in relationships have in this day and age of Instagram and other social media apps.  They want their loved ones to enjoy themselves sharing their life with followers via photo and video.  But at the same time, they don’t want these followers saying things or doing things that attempt to devalue the commitment they and their partner share.

I completely understand that you may be a bit insecure with all the recent attention your boyfriend has been getting.  It’s kind of like being a bar or a club with your boo thing, and you constantly see him being hit on by one person after another and you find yourself not being able to check all the flirters.  And to top it off, your boyfriend continues to stand there smiling and flexing, while attracting more attention.

The thing to remember here, is that you have the prize.  You have the three year relationship with this newly sculpted guy.  He loves you.  As long as he is not entertaining his new fans (i.e. responding to DMs, or flirting back and forth with the individuals bold enough to write an inappropriate message under his pictures), then you have nothing to worry about.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Trust in your relationship. Believe that despite all the propositions he may receive on Instagram, he will ignore them because you two are in love and he knows what he has.


  1. Have another conversation with your bae about how uncomfortable all his recent posts make you. Out of love and respect for you, he will more than likely take steps to help you feel better about the situation.  Perhaps you two can reach a compromise about his new photos.  For example, he may see just how insecure the new pictures make you, and he may not post them as frequently.  Or he could reach the conclusion that no longer posting half nude photos is better for all involved.  Then there is always the possibility that he will continue to flex for the ‘Gram, but will add the occasional post to let people know he is in a committed relationship.  He might even put one of those couple emojis in his profile.


  1. Remember that you can never stop someone from disrespecting your romantic partnership. There will always be folks in this world that look past relationship titles and wedding rings.  All they see is someone they want, availability matters not.

As always nothing but love,


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