friendship, relationships

I Caught My Friend’s Boyfriend Cheating… I Think

Dear T,

How do you tell a close friend that you saw his boo hugged up on some other dude?  I was at a bar a few nights ago, and saw my friend’s boyfriend all up in this other guy’s face.  I mean they were really cozy.  If you were me, how would you handle this situation?

Thanks in advance for the advice,

John John

Dear John John,

Thanks for writing to me.  It sounds like you found yourself in a bit of a predicament.  Have you ever heard of the expression “shoot the messenger”?  Well there is some validity in that statement.  And I’d hate for you to lose a friendship.

Unless you saw with your own two eyes the boyfriend and this stranger kiss, have sex, or something along those lines, you can’t be sure anything inappropriate actually happened.  For all you know, these two men are old friends, or maybe even cousins.  Now I wasn’t at the bar and didn’t witness what you saw, but do you think it’s possible you may have jumped to a conclusion?  Really think about that before you even entertain the idea of taking a potential wrecking ball to your friend’s relationship.

In your quest for clarity, try looking on the boyfriend’s social media accounts.  See if you can find the stranger in pictures, videos, or posts on the boyfriend’s page.  You may discover that they are just associates or relatives, and your suspicions were all for nothing.

Now although I’m generally not an advocate of you putting yourself in the middle of your friend’s relationship, if you feel a nagging urge to tell your friend about what you think you saw then you have to do so tactfully.  Next time you talk to your friend, just casually mention you saw his boyfriend the other night. When he inevitably ask you follow up questions, say he was there with a buddy you think.  Your friend will more than likely go back to his bae and ask about the evening out of curiosity.  It’s like you doing the meal prep, and allowing your bestie to do the actual cooking.

Suggestions going forward.

  1. Next time you see a friend’s boyfriend in a compromising position, instead of gawking, go and confront the boyfriend. You don’t have to be rude, just casually go up to him and the mystery person and introduce yourself.  Pay close attention to the boyfriend’s response.  If he seems nervous and suddenly becomes Stuttering Stanley, then you may have something to report.

As always nothing but love,


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