Dating, relationships

Straight Roommate Caught Me in the Act

Dear T,

I’m a sophomore in college and I’m going through an awkward phase with my roommate.  About a week ago, he caught me making out with my boyfriend on the couch in the living room of our apartment on campus.  Well the thing is, my roommate didn’t know I was gay.  I had always been careful not to get caught doing my thing, but the one time I don’t go to my room with a man, and this happens.  Since my roommate peeped me in the kiss, we haven’t really talked, and I barely saw him once in passing.  He couldn’t even look me in the eye then.  So what do you think I should do in this situation?  Do I talk to him to make things less weird?  Or do I ride it out and hope things get better with time? We’ve had a solid roommate relationship since freshman year, and I’d rather not have to find someone else to live with.


Busted 17

Dear Busted 17,

Thanks for writing to me.  Hormones are a powerful thing, as you know.  They will have you taking risks and throwing all inhibitions out the window.  And in your case, have you intertwined with your boo in the common area of your apartment.  Be thankful there weren’t man bits hanging out when your roommate walked in.

So clearly, your roommate of two years had no idea you like men.  I would ask you how you kept that info under wraps, but having gone through four years of college with the same roommate who was oblivious to my sexuality, I think I have an idea or two.  LOL!  Well since the cat is out of the bag now, it’s time for you to stand firm and own who you are.

Should you want to continue to live with this guy and want some sense of normalcy to return in your relationship, you have to initiate a conversation with him.  Now I understand that may be hard to do if he has been avoiding you like the plague, so you may need to send him a text and schedule a sit down to talk.   And when you do talk, explain that it is unfortunate that he had to find out about you this way, but you are who you are and that guy from the couch is your boyfriend.

Also when you and the roommate talk, you should perhaps apologize to him for catching you on the couch you two share, if you and he had an understanding to take private stuff to your private rooms.   And perhaps you may even owe him an apology if you told him something leading him to believe you like only women.  Because you essentially lied to him.  But by no means, do you owe him an “I’m sorry,” “My bad,” or “I apologize” for being gay.  You don’t ever have to apologize for your sexuality.  EVER!

Suggestions going forward.

  1. If after having a conversation with the roommate, he still acts weird or treats you as anything less than an equal, consider a different living situation going into your junior year.
  1. If you need some more time to prepare for this conversation, that’s cool too. Just don’t wait too long.  The longer you wait the more time you give your roommate to develop conclusions about who you are as a person.
  1. And no need to be combative in your heart to heart convo. Well as long as things don’t go left.
  1. You may find it beneficial to keep the fooling around with your boyfriend at his place for a little while. Just until you and roommate talk, and things blow over

As always nothing but love,


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4 thoughts on “Straight Roommate Caught Me in the Act”

  1. Busted 17 says:

    I’m going to try that man. Thanks

  2. Howard T Reginald Miller says:

    If you have yet to have the convo, I’d suggest you acknowledge how much your roommates’s friendship means to you and how much you were afraid of risking it which, in turn, led you to not being upfront about your love of men. Own your humanity and your mistakes. It’s where you are the most honest and most like everyone else.

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