Dating, relationships

When is Sex Without A Condom Okay?

Dear T,

I’ll make this short and sweet.  When is it okay to have unprotected sex with my significant other?

Thanks in advance,


Dear BeyFan89,

Thanks for writing, and glad to see you like Queen Bey!  In a day and age where HIV/AIDS and other STIs (STDS) are so widespread, protecting yourself is extremely important.  A general rule of thumb I think everyone should follow is “no glove, no love.”  Or “put on a coat if preparing for rain.” Or “cover your stump before you hump.”  In other words, put on a condom before sex.  I know people will argue that sex feels better without a condom, or sometimes you can just get caught up in the moment; but honestly, 15 to 30 minutes of pleasure is not worth risking your health and possibly life.

With that said, I actually do believe it can okay for a COUPLE to have sex without a condom.  However, I say that cautiously.  There has to be four things present in a relationship before I think it’s okay to go “condomless.”  First, there has to be a serious level of commitment.  I’m not saying two people have to be legally married or in a recognized civil union.  But I am saying that two people have to have been in a solid relationship for some time, and are committed to staying together for the long haul.

Second, there has be absolute trust and exclusivity in the relationship.  There should be no doubt from either partner that the other one is faithful and not cheating.  Third, there has to be willingness from both partners.  One should not be pressuring the other into having unprotected sex.  While I’m a supporter of a person making concessions to make his partner happy, this is not one of those things someone should easily be flexible with.  This is a big deal, and should only happen if both people are comfortable.  And last but not least, both people in the relationship should complete a new round of testing.  Get the facts before you serve or get served with raw meat.

Going forward here are my suggestions.

  1. Don’t allow yourself to be pressured into having unprotected sex. If your boyfriend loves you like he ought to, then he will allow you to make your own decision about the issue in your own time.
  1. Again, KNOW YOUR STATUS! Regardless of whether you decide to have unprotected sex or not, make sure you and your boyfriend get tested. If possible, go get tested together.  Usually you can go to your local free clinic for testing.
  1. If you find yourself not wanting to have unprotected sex at all but your partner is eager to do so, find out what he doesn’t like about the condoms you’ve been using. It’s possible that the type and brand you two are using are not ideal for your sex life.  Do your research and test the different condoms on the market.  The following link provides some great suggestions about choosing the right fit for you and him. (Condoms For Him )

As always nothing but love,


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2 thoughts on “When is Sex Without A Condom Okay?”

  1. mighty woman says:

    Pretty good stuff here, but I was raised to believe no ring, all condom

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