I’ve been placed in an awkward and embarrassing situation. See, my boyfriend and I were in the midst of fooling around on the couch in my living room apartment, when my mom walked in. She has a key to my place and was apparently visiting to drop off some things she bought for me from Costco. To say I was beyond humiliated by my mom catching me literally with a penis in my mouth is an understatement. She didn’t’ know I was gay before then or that I was seeing somebody. And since that night about two weeks ago, my mom has not talked to me. Not only that, but my boyfriend has been acting a little weird. What do you think I should do to fix this?
Dear Mortified Homo,
Thanks for writing to me. Reading your letter, I honestly couldn’t help but laugh and be mortified for you. I can’t imagine my mom walking in on me in the midst of me giving or receiving sexual favors. I’m pretty certain I would want to find the smallest hole to crawl in (no pun intended LOL). But you wrote to me to help you feel better not worse, so let’s move on.
As awkward as it may be for you, you have to reach out to your mom and talk. She most likely has been quiet on her end because she’s not quite sure what to say. You claim your mom didn’t know you were gay, so catching you in the act is one heck of a way to find out. It’s your job in this situation to make the initial contact with her and try to work past this little hiccup in your relationship. Oh and in working things out, explain your gay story (when you first thought you may be homosexual and your journey of acceptance).
Now in terms of your boyfriend, I completely understand why he has been acting weird. Your mom just caught you pleasuring him. The first time meeting your mom, and this is his introduction. You know that expression, first impressions are everything? Well can you imagine a worse impression? I’m not sure how long you two have been together, but a loving boyfriend usually dreams of getting along with his partner’s family. And your boo probably thinks his dreams in this regard are shattered. So he is entitled to have some time where he acts weird.
Going forward here are my suggestions.
- Again, go talk to your mom. You are going to have to make it clear that you are gay and what that means for you. Don’t allow her idea of your sexuality to be shaped by media depictions. Also, please explain to your mom that your boyfriend is your boyfriend, and not some random guy. It will probably make her feel a little better knowing you weren’t topping off “just some man.”
- You now have to reintroduce your mom and boyfriend under better conditions. Give your mom a chance to know why you actually like, or maybe even love him. And give your boyfriend an opportunity to redeem his reputation. This reintroduction should happen over dinner and in public; but, should not occur until you fix your relationship with your mother.
- If you are going to do grown up things in your apartment, you need to set up boundaries with your mom. Kindly tell your mom that you prefer she call before coming over. If you are afraid of making that request, then I guess you will be limiting your “hanky panky” to your boyfriend’s place.
As always nothing but love,