Dating, relationships

Can I Tell Him He’s Bad in Bed?

Hey T,

Straight and to the point, how do you tell someone you’re dating they are bad in bed?  Been dating this guy for about a month now, and a few days ago we had sex for the first time.  He is extremely sexy, great personality, and very real, so I want us to work out.  But I don’t know if I can be with someone that is terrible at pleasuring me.  Thanks in advance for the advice.


Jeffrey Doe

Dear Jeffrey Doe,

Thanks for writing to me.  Telling a man you’re involved with that he is terrible in bed is a touchy subject.  No matter how you phrase it, no guy wants to hear he’s bad at performing one of our most primal behaviors as humans.  It’s the equivalent of cutting off his balls with a butcher knife, then serving them to him on a paper plate.  So basically, I suggest you don’t tell this guy anything about his bad sex, for the sake of preserving his pride.

HOWEVER, should you and he engage in sex again, you can work with him in trying to make sure he does the things you like.  While I’m not sure exactly what made this man so bad in bed, I’m under the impression that even the worst person sexually, can be transformed into a good lover.  So, if he is not good with “topping you off,” next time he attempts to do it, instruct him to go slower or faster, or to use teeth or don’t.  Just open up your mouth and tell him.

Now if he is bad at taking wood, it may be a matter of discomfort.  Perhaps he isn’t use to bottoming, and receiving your funstick is too painful.  Make sure you are doing things to help him relax his entry door.  On the other hand, should he not be good at giving wood, don’t worry.  That is a fixable issue as well.  When you two are in the moment, try riding him first.  Once you have him really feeling it, put him in a position to do some work.  Then, seductively tell him where to stick it and how.  If you rode him correctly, he should be willing to do anything you say.

Going forward here are my suggestions.

  1. If you really like/love this guy and want to be committed to him, try to work with him in the bedroom. Don’t be quick to let him go.
  1. Make sure you check out my post on what makes a good top and good bottom ( I’m sure you will find it helpful.

As always nothing but love,


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4 thoughts on “Can I Tell Him He’s Bad in Bed?”

  1. lifeasagaymom says:

    Be verbal. A lot of time our partners are just guessing at what we like and don’t because we don’t speak up on what we desire, what feels the best. My best advice is be verbal!! Be verbal!!! Great advice t

    1. According To T says:

      Thanks for following and thanks for compliment. I completely agree with you. Being verbal is key. And telling someone you suck in bed is definitely not the right kind of verbal LOL.

      1. lifeasagaymom says:

        I agree. Definitely don’t go that far lol

  2. Jeffrey Doe says:

    I hope your advice works, because bad sex is not hot.

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