While He’s Flirting, I’m Jealous

 Dear T,

My damn boyfriend is driving me crazy.  As much as I love him, lately I’ve been wanting to kick his ass.  When I tell you he is biggest flirt, I mean it.  He’ll flirt with members at the gym, employees at the grocery store, waiters at any restaurant, and men on IG.  When I mention the problem I have with his flirting, he always respond the same way.  “Babe you know I’m not cheating, I love you.”  And then my personal favorite, “You know I’m just a natural flirt, it means nothing.  Don’t you trust me?”  I mean I do trust him, but man.  What do you think I should do here?


Angry Bey

Dear Angry Bey,

Thanks for writing to me.  I’ll just cut straight to the chase.  It sounds like your boyfriend’s flirting has made you a bit jealous, and understandably so.  For many people, seeing their significant other flirt with other people can be a little infuriating.  They think “if he will flirt right in my face, what will he do behind my back.”  In essence, they fear their boyfriend will inevitably end up cheating.  BUT, I don’t necessarily think people should be so concerned by their boyfriend’s flirting or jump to such conclusions.

Look, there are three main reasons why men in relationships flirt.  First, men flirt because they just want to know they still have the stuff.  They want to know that they still got that “it” factor that drew their lover’s eye in the first place.  So really, the flirting helps serve as a confidence booster.  And who doesn’t want to feel good about themselves.

Secondly, believe it or not, some men actually do flirt because they are a natural flirt.  Pure and Simple!  Heck as a natural flirt myself, I have to say that it’s actually part of my charm and DNA to flirt LOL!  However, I do know how to pull back on my “natural tendencies” when in a relationship.  While I don’t ever stop flirting completely, I scale back on doing it a lot out of respect for the person I’m with. I wouldn’t want to hurt my partner.  At the same time, I would hope the person I’m with would understand that me flirting is just me flirting.  And absolutely nothing more.

The third and final reason men in relationships flirt, has to do with the lack of attention they are receiving from their significant other.  Either their boo thang has gotten preoccupied with life and has been unable to properly nurture the relationship, or the boo thang has started taking the relationship for granted and doesn’t show the love, kindness, and adoration he once showed.  Regardless of the reason, men will find the attention they are missing from someone else if their partner doesn’t step up.

Here are my usual suggestions going forward.

  1. Talk to your boyfriend and get to the heart of why he flirts the way he does. If he really does flirt because he’s a natural flirt, then let him be him.  Trust him!  Just tell him to scale it back a bit out of respect for you.  Now if he doesn’t agree to try to stop flirting so heavily, or if you can’t trust that all he does is harmless flirting, then you may have a bigger issue on your hand.
  1. Now if you’ve been neglecting “home,” I urge you to start paying closer attention. Start by doing something special for your boyfriend.  For example, have an intimate date night at your place or his.  Perhaps cook him his favorite meal, chill some good wine, and pick up a movie you know he’ll like from the Redbox.  Let the romance flow.
  1. Again, sometimes flirting is just flirting. Don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill if you don’t have to.

As always nothing but love,


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