Finding A Boo at the Workhouse! Good Idea or Recipe for Disaster?

Dear T,

So I’m really feeling this guy I work with.  He just started working in my office about 3 weeks ago, and since then we’ve just clicked.  We have a ton in common and I can just tell there is crazy sexual chemistry between us.  Honestly, I sometimes get horny sitting at my desk thinking about him.  However, my cousin told me not to get involved with the guy because we work together.  I get what he’s saying, but I really want to pursue something with this guy.  Appreciate the help, and really like what you have going on here with this blog thing.


Bad Romance

Dear Bad Romance,

Thanks for writing to me, and I appreciate the love.  I’m just going to tell you flat out, I’m not a fan of office romances.  While the start of office romances make for great “how did you meet stories,” when these relationships end, it can get really complicated really fast.  I can give you three major reasons why getting involved with your coworker is a bad idea.

First, office romances are often perceived as unprofessional by coworkers and supervisors.  No matter how hard you try to keep your relationship under wraps, someone at your job will probably have suspicions about you two, and that one person can get the office gossip going.  Some at work will treat you and the guy you are involved with differently, and be too eager to whisper behind your back.  While I definitely think people should live their lives and not care what people think about them, I don’t want people to voluntarily get involved in something that could possibly undermine their credibility with their employer and staff.   And some offices have policies discouraging romance in the workplace, so you may want to see if there are polices enforced by your employer.

Second, when you are dating a person that you work with, it means you are going to see them all the time.  That leaves less time for you two to each lead your own individual life.  When you go to dinner with the coworker, you won’t have much to discuss with him in terms of how was his day, because you were probably an eye witness to most of it.  Some couples can’t handle seeing someone all day, then hanging with him all night, for a majority of the week.

Lastly, I kind of already made mention to this third point, but office romances can get very sticky once they end.  Say you date this coworker of yours for a few months and find out you two don’t click as much as you thought.  I’m sure you would usually break it off with a person you are no longer interested in and keep it moving.  You would never see him again.  Well if you break up with a coworker, you will more than likely see him at least five times a week.  Talk about awkward.  And God forbid the guy turns out to be a little “off his rocker.”  He could make things incredibly uncomfortable for you at work, and turn your work place into a hostile environment.

Despite the fact I have given you a list of cons for dating a fellow employee, ultimately the decision to date him is yours to make (well yours and his).  If deep down in your soul you know that this guy is the one, and dating him is worth all the risks, DO IT!  Who knows, you and this guy could become like Jim Halpert and Pam Beasley from The Office.  Or like our very own President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle.

Going forward here are my suggestions.

  1. Again, if in your heart of hearts you know this guy could be the one, then date him. Just tell your well-meaning cousin this is your decision to make, and you understand the possible consequences.  And please make sure you do understand the possible consequences.
  1. Before you ask him on a date, or accept an invitation for a date, I recommend inviting him to hang with you and a group of your friends. That way you can see what he is like outside the workplace, and determine whether the chemistry between you two extends beyond the office.  If after this outing you think you two are better in the friend zone, scale back your flirting at work and don’t give any signs that you two could be more than buddies.  (I don’t mean sex buddies either.)
  1. Should you start an office romance, do your best to keep it between you and him at the office. So don’t tell your home girl at work, and have him promise secrecy as well.
  1. If you two get in a relationship for the long haul, I would recommend one of you seek a comparable job somewhere else just so make sure your romance doesn’t call question to your professionalism.

As always, nothing but love,


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2 thoughts on “Finding A Boo at the Workhouse! Good Idea or Recipe for Disaster?”

  1. lifeasagaymom says:

    What great advice you carry with you. I’m coming to you next time for some deep shit 🙂

    1. According To T says:

      Thank you so much. Honestly I love lending an ear and offering help when I can. So come and ask next time !!!

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