I Ain’t Saying You a Gold Digger, But Are You Messing with Broke…?

Dear T,

I have a quick question.  What classifies someone as a gold digger?  My friends call me that from time to time because I won’t date anyone that doesn’t have a certain amount of coin.  However, I don’t think that makes me a gold digger.  I think that just makes me a guy that has standards.  But what do you think?


Off The Runway89

Well hey there,

Thanks for writing to me.  This is actually a good question that you asked.  And like always, I most certainly have my opinion.  The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a gold digger as “a person who uses charm to extract money or gifts from others.”  I don’t really know you to determine your motives for dating wealthy men.  There is a very real possibility, that you prefer dating men with some money because you perceive a man having wealth as being a man that can provide you with security in a relationship.  Considering finances can often play a large role in why so many couples don’t make it, it’s understandable if you want to build something with someone that has perceived financial stability.

However, if you are dating rich men because they can take care of you or “keep” you, then your friends may have a point.  If you date men primarily because of the jewelry they give you in a robin egg blue colored boxes, or give you the latest Coach bags, or take you on lavish trips, then your friends may have a point.  Now there is nothing wrong with a potential mate buying you gifts.  Although, if the gifts suddenly stop flowing and his bank accounts begin to dry, and you are ready to jump ship because of these things; then again, your friends may have a point!

Listen, I would strongly caution anyone against using financial status as the primary factor on whether to date someone or not.  Folks can be rich today, and broke tomorrow, and vice versa.  I encourage you and others to chase the drive and not the money.  Go after the guy that is putting in the work to achieve his goals in life.  The ones that may or may not have the money and/or success right now, but certainly has the tools and courage to attain them.  And even if he should hit a bump in the road on his journey to success, stick with them.  If he has that drive, he knows how to bounce back.  And the ones with drive can usually spot a gold digger, so if you are in fact “digging,” I suggest you work on you before pursuing this type of man.

Going forward here are my usual suggestions.

  1. Whether you are a gold digger or not, if you want a lasting relationship, try relaxing your financial standard. Remember it should be about the drive more than the money.  Since you are obviously still dating based on your letter, this piece of advice may help you in landing your boo.
  1. Don’t expect a guy to bring success to the table, and you are incapable of bringing it to the table yourself. It won’t help you in shaking off this gold digger label, if all you bring to the table are good looks and good “snatch.”
  1. Always be able to take care of yourself. You should always seek financial stability at your own hands, rather than relying on somebody else’s.
  1. Again, if you are a gold digger, remember that looks fade, and sex is bait, never the hook.
  1. I’ve always been under the impression that most people want a hustle dynamic in a relationship similar to the one Beyoncé and Jay have. Between those two they both work hard and don’t need to dig on each other, if you catch what I’m saying to you.

As always, nothing but love,


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2 thoughts on “I Ain’t Saying You a Gold Digger, But Are You Messing with Broke…?”

  1. Gay virgin96 says:

    That’s it right there!!!! Chase the drive not the money

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