Can you please tell me why sending nudes or partial nudes seems like a must now a days in dating? I’ve tried pursuing things with a couple of guys over the past few months, and a few days into texting back and forth with each of them, they want me to send nude body shots of myself. Are naked selfies just an expectation of building a relationship now?
Chi Town’s Finest
Dear Chi Town’s Finest,
Thanks for writing to me. I first have to agree with you. It does appear that a lot of guys today are quick to ask you for the infamous “d$ck pic” or “a$$ shot.” Which is kind of funny when you think about it. A person will ask to see your most private parts before they even save you as a contact in their phone. Now this trend may have become common practice for a lot of people, but it is NOT a must in dating. Nor should it be.
Sending naked selfies is risky business people! Once you text or email those pics, you lose control over your domain. Pictures of your most intimate assets become the property of someone you barely know. And who knows what friends that person may show the visuals to. Or even forward to. Again, in a lot of instances you don’t really know the guy that well who you send photos to, so saying “for your eyes only” guarantees nothing. It most certainly doesn’t guarantee that these photos won’t get into hands of someone your prefer not have them.
In a time when nudes get leaked on the internet a daily, I just want folks to be careful. You may want to be a politician one day. And look, when I was younger I made my share of regrettable choices, but I just got wiser going forward. So since you wrote me on this topic, hopefully you’ve already learned to be more cautious.
With all that said, nudes are not a must in dating. So if a guy asks you to send them, feel free to say NO. If the man is really trying to get to know you and is interested in you, then he’ll understand. Now if the person doesn’t understand, then at least you found out he really just wanted to bone you and not be your boo.
Here are my suggestions going forward.
- Don’t allow someone to pressure you into sending pics of YOUR body. It’s yours.
- Don’t feel obligated to respond to an unsolicited naked selfie, by sending one back. If you didn’t ask for one, then the sender has no business expecting one in return.
- Should you break down and send such a pic, let’s go down a quick list.
*DO NOT have your face in the photo.
* DO NOT send a picture with any identifiable marks on your body in the shot. Which means, if you have tattoos, use the power of Photo Shop to filter and edit things out. (There is a free Photo Shop Express App)
*TAKE picture in the plainest part of your home. Against a solid white wall is ideal. If you’ve seen How to Get Away With Murder than you know the power of an identifiable backdrop. (Not that I think you are a murderer or anything. Or at least I hope not. JOKE!)
As always, nothing but love,