Dating, relationships, The Lifestyle

I’m A Top, You’re a Top! Let’s Make it Work!

Dear T,

So I really like this guy that I’ve been dating for the past month.  We have amazing times together, can talk on the phone for hours, and have a ton in common.  Plus, he has a great job and is fine as sh$t.  Surprisingly, we haven’t had sex yet.  Which leads me to my problem.   He’s a top and he’s under the impression I’m a bottom, or at least verse.  I’ve only bottomed once, and I hated it.  Like I said, I’m really feeling this guy and I’m afraid if he finds out I’m a top too, he’ll drop me.  What do you think I should do?

Thanks in advance,

Hole But No Entry

Dear Hole But No Entry,

Appreciate you hitting me up.  I have to first tell you, I found your alias hilarious.  It actually did make me laugh out loud.  Now in terms of your problem, I can’t help but wonder why this guy is under the impression you are a bottom or verse if you’re not?  Did you all meet on a site like the Yellow Pages (Grindr) or Jack’d, and advertise you were such?  Did he ask you what your sexual preference was, and you lied to him knowing his preference?  Or did he just assume, and you failed to correct him?  Either way, the potential problem between you two may not boil down to you two being tops, but the fact he feels lied to.  Should that be the case, you have some making up to do.

Make sure you pay attention to this next part, because it’s a crazy idea to some.  When two people really like each other and enter into a relationship, sexual preference is FLUID.  What do I mean by that?  I mean, both people will do what they can to please his partner.  That may mean you allow entry into your hole every now and then.  It may mean he allows entry in his hole every now and then. And it’s not about trying to be something you’re not, but it’s about investing yourself in the relationship.  If people are expected to invest their time and emotions in a relationship, it should be expected that they invest their physical body to a degree as well.

If you and this guy share this special bond and really are vibing, I think you two can get past this hang up.  That is once he is able to move past the lie.  Listen, every relationship has its issue.  For some it’s finances.  For others it’s long distance.  And for others it’s kids and an ex-wife.  Sexual preference may just be your issue.


Going forward I have my suggestions.

  1. Have a conversation with this guy sooner rather than later about your sexual preference. Come clean before he busts you in a lie.  He may feel some type of way initially, but I for one would come to appreciate you finally being honest.


  1. Since you said you only bottomed once, it could be that that one time was just a bad experience overall. That your partner in that instance was not great in the bedroom.  If you try again, you may find you actually don’t mind or even like that role.


  1. Should you two continue dating and enter into a relationship, invest in some Anal Eaze. It will help with the initial discomfort of allowing him entry into your hole.  Also, if you are old enough and drink wine, take a few sips to help you relax.


  1. Again, should you two continue dating and enter into a relationship, don’t become the only person making concessions trying to make the relationship successful. If he is not as willing to allow entry into his hole, he should be giving up something.  For example, he could step outside his comfort zone sexually with other things in the bedroom.  Or, he could allow you to pick the when and where for dates more frequently.  Heck, something!

As always, nothing but love.

Best Regards,




You might also like

5 thoughts on “I’m A Top, You’re a Top! Let’s Make it Work!”

  1. Hole But no Entry says:

    Okay I’m gonna try to make this work. Hopefully he won’t be too mad about me not being a bottom or verse. Well yet

  2. lifeasagaymom says:

    You should be a spokesperson for anal ease:)

  3. Jojo Fenty says:

    I’d rather be in a bottom/bottom relationship. I feel it’s easier for being to top, than learn how to bottom.

    1. AsAccordingToT says:

      LOL point taken.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.